[TOY] Plaything

[skinstealer]

POLKA DOT: That sounds…really nice, honestly.
POLKA DOT: Glad you have that.
TIMOTHY: Thanks…
TIMOTHY: It’s…really helping.
POLKA DOT: I guess I kind of have that with Willow, but it’s…complicated.
TIMOTHY: Oh? What d’you mean?
POLKA DOT: She’s there for me, like, obviously she is.
POLKA DOT: But at the same time, I don’t really…want her to be.
POLKA DOT: It’s fucking weird and personal but I don’t know if I want her to know all the stuff I’ve seen.
TIMOTHY: I guess I can get that…
TIMOTHY: I’m still making heads and tails of what I went through in the Store, and I think having a sounding board helps me put the pieces together.
POLKA DOT: But…what if I don’t want to put the pieces together?
POLKA DOT: What if I just want to leave it all behind? Move on to my new life!
POLKA DOT: Just…focus on what’s here. What’s now.

Tim shakes his head.

TIMOTHY: I wish it was that easy.
TIMOTHY: The more I uncover about my own past, it’s…
TIMOTHY: I get scared.
TIMOTHY: I…
 

He looks at his paws.

TIMOTHY: I mean, I was working up to telling you anyway…
POLKA DOT: You don’t have to-
TIMOTHY: No, it’s important, I think.
TIMOTHY: I won’t be able to make my point as easily without it.
TIMOTHY: Basically, just…
 

He takes a moment to gather his thoughts.

TIMOTHY: When I was back in the store, I was traveling with another toy.
TIMOTHY: I can’t remember when we met- I think early on, but I can’t tell how early.
TIMOTHY: She was…strange.
POLKA DOT: Strange how?
TIMOTHY: Very affectionate, for one.
TIMOTHY: And she knew a lot more than me, about pretty much everything.
TIMOTHY: She’d tell me these stories about the world outside…
TIMOTHY: …those, I remember in my dreams, lately.
TIMOTHY: But she had this massive collar around her neck- big enough to weigh her down- and for some reason, even to me back then, it felt important.
TIMOTHY: …and then I looked into it.
POLKA DOT: Wait, so you found something about that?
TIMOTHY: Yeah, I was able to do some digging into urban legends surrounding the Store, and well…
TIMOTHY: People who come back to the Store after leaving get marked.
TIMOTHY: They’re not supposed to be there, so they’re given a weight to carry.
TIMOTHY: Normally, the longer you’re in there, the worse the feeling of needing to escape gets-
TIMOTHY: And for returning visitors, the weight gets heavier and heavier.
TIMOTHY: It’s…well, I don’t know if I’d believe it if I hadn’t seen her with my own eyes.
TIMOTHY: I don’t entirely know why she came back, but she was already pretty ragged by the time she found me, I think.
TIMOTHY: And when she found me, she latched onto me hard.
TIMOTHY: I was doted on and spoiled with all kinds of things, but…
 

He goes quiet for a moment.

TIMOTHY: It gets…more muddled, around the rest of it.
TIMOTHY: I remember being hurt, and shown things that felt wrong.
TIMOTHY: I didn’t feel like I had any control, and when I finally got away from her…
TIMOTHY: …
TIMOTHY: When I woke up in a pile of snow here, I was just…angry.
TIMOTHY: Angry at someone I couldn’t remember, at myself for reasons I didn’t know, just…
TIMOTHY: And then the fear hit, and I realized I was alone.
TIMOTHY: I found Laurie’s fast, thank god, and I tried to be around people as much as possible.
TIMOTHY: But I couldn’t shake this feeling that I wasn’t like the people I was around.
TIMOTHY: Not that I was like, “special” or anything, kind of the opposite…
TIMOTHY: …that somehow, I was the one with the weight around my neck. Like I was marked.
TIMOTHY: That someone would find out that I was just, actually sick and messed up, even if whatever happened was behind me.
TIMOTHY: I thought, maybe I can move past this entirely. Maybe I can just forget, and fake it til I make it.
TIMOTHY: But…
TIMOTHY: It doesn’t go away.
TIMOTHY: It’s gotten better only because I’ve been reaching out and getting help, and not, just…stifling it.
TIMOTHY: You can’t erase the Store, or anything else.
TIMOTHY: Trying to do that…you’ll never get through it.
TIMOTHY: Even if looking at my past is scary, and freaks me the fuck out, and makes me worry just how deep it goes…
TIMOTHY: I wouldn’t be where I am now without at least trying to understand it.
TIMOTHY: That’s my thoughts, anyway.