[TOY] Plaything

[skinstealer]

You decide to just…dive in, accepting the very weird feeling that you’re doing this over food. 

It’s an easy enough read, and you find yourself sinking into passage after passage. You still don’t totally get this whole pain as pleasure thing, but…from the way it talks about it, about how it can be a way to relieve stress or even other pains that aren’t there by choice, you think you understand Tim a little better. Well…aside from one thing.

POLKA DOT: So, maybe I haven’t gotten to it yet…
POLKA DOT: But I’m reading a lot about why pain feels good. I don’t think it applies to me as much, but I’m getting it, I think.
TIMOTHY: Right!
POLKA DOT: I’m sure if I keep reading, I’ll find it, but-
POLKA DOT: Why cause pain?
TIMOTHY: Well…
TIMOTHY: Part of why I’m interested is less the pain aspect, and more just…feeling confident and directing a scenario, if that makes sense?
TIMOTHY: Like, the pain is a means to an end there.
TIMOTHY: I’d also only be interested in something like that if the other person wanted it as well.
TIMOTHY: So…not like I’m going to go around randomly hitting people.
TIMOTHY: No urge for that!
POLKA DOT: Huh…okay.
 

You mull this over as you read further…

…you definitely get urges to hurt people, but…not…like this. Not like Tim’s. You think about the thoughts of revenge and the feeling of the bat in your hands back at the store only hours earlier, and a painful feeling creeps into your chest…

TIMOTHY: …hey. Ribbon, you okay?
TIMOTHY: You’ve got a weird look on your face.
POLKA DOT: Sorry, just-
TIMOTHY: I’m sorry if I said something weird-
POLKA DOT: No, dude, you’re fine. I’m fine.
POLKA DOT: Just…thinking about myself in relation to this, yknow?
TIMOTHY: Do you want to talk about it?
POLKA DOT: Maybe. I barely know how to feel myself…
POLKA DOT: I…want to hurt people too, but it’s not like this.
POLKA DOT: You say that you want to do it as a fun thing where people enjoy it, and the book talks about how to keep things safe.
POLKA DOT: It’s just…structured scenes, playing around. That’s the word they use, play.
POLKA DOT: But for me, all I feel is anger.
POLKA DOT: I don’t even understand where it comes from…
TIMOTHY: Mmm…
 

He drums his featureless paw on the table, trying to think of the right thing to say.

TIMOTHY: Well…I don’t think it’s a good idea to approach this with that kind of anger in mind.
TIMOTHY: I think that and, like, safe sadism, are very different.
TIMOTHY: You can get a thrill off of causing pain with BDSM, but…it should never be motivated by hate or anger towards your partner.
TIMOTHY: Everything I’ve read about indicates that it could go sour fast, and extend past people’s boundaries into abusive territories fast…
TIMOTHY: N-not that you would ever do that! I know we’ve only known each other for a short period of time, but I can tell already that you don’t want to make people suffer.
TIMOTHY: …right?