Discord
12-27-2020, 12:14 PM
(This post was last modified: 12-27-2020, 12:20 PM by Lilium Mortem.)
[CW: unreality, talking about human teeth]
This interview was conducted a week ago via video call. The Collective I interviewed wished to remain anonymous, so from this part on, I'll refer to them as AC.
Me: Hello?
AC: yo! you the Real Earth Society guy?
Me: I am, It's nice to meet you.
AC: Same, dude. big fan of your work. I just love how accurate and detail oriented you are. it's like being back home, almost.
Me: You think of Earth as your home?
AC: Kinda, I mean… Shit, man. We’re made up of human ideas, things that almost feel like memories. Sometimes we go to watch a TV show that doesn’t exist, or look forward to a game coming out that we’ll never get to play, even going so far as to looking up airline tickets to places bajillions of lightyears away. We’ve almost had lives there, so yeah, feels like home, in a weird way.
Me: I’m sorry, that must be terribly lonely. Do you mind if we continue?
AC: Oh absolutely!
Me: ...
AC: ... Shit, wait I meant absolutely we should continue, not absolutely I mind.
Me: Ok… Well, first question: how would you describe Earth?
AC: Oh dang, gonna start out big huh? Well… Earth is more boring than Morbit in a lot of ways, but safer too. We don’t- sorry, Humans don’t have to worry about horrors or monsters, they only have to deal with angels if they have sinned, and our gods are lazy or absent.
Not that it’s a safe place, by any means. Humans are really good at waging war with one another without the help of gods. Plus the threat of things like sea-bears, packs of 30-40 feral hogs randomly terrorizing backyards, and the constant threat of the moon hanging over them… not a good time.
Me: I’m sorry, the moon?
AC: The moon is cursed. It has a face and will fall down on the earth if a powerful artifact is used on it. Thankfully there’s a proficy of a time traveling mute elf hero that will save the day should that come to pass.
Me: I see, that sounds pretty scary.
AC:Yeah It creeped me the fuck out when I was a- oh, I wasn’t a kid, was I?
Me: Are you alright?
AC: Yeah, sorry, next question please?
Me:What about earth do you think Morbitians would find the most shocking?
AC: Oooh. hard one. Lemme think… Fossil Fuels.
Me: I’m sorry, what fuels?
AC: Ok, so… long time ago the gods made earth the planet. Then they fucked off. Didn’t give it life, just left it a barren rock. Millions of years pass and life forms on it’s own. The-
Me: On its own!? How would, what? You want me to believe life just… happened?
AC: Yes. anyway life evolves over millions of years, much slower than here, and one day the moon falls on earth, wiping nearly all of it out. The stuff that got buried, it lasted so long that it got imbued with magic energy, so now we power our cars, homes, and cities with the skeletal remains of ancient earthans.
Me: That’s macabre.
AC: Sure is. It’s also killing our planet.
Me: Wait, what?
AC: Shit, said ‘our’, ugh, gotta get better about that. Anyway so when you burn this stuff… like the fear from the impact event gets released into the atmosphere, where it traps heat and alters the weather. Shit’s gonna flood from all the melted ice in the nex hundred years.
Me: Why would they keep doing that?
AC: Why does hoopla have death sports?
Me: … Touché. What are the best and worst things about Earth, compared to Morbit?
AC: The best? Huh… that’s hard considering y’all have places with universal basic income. I’d have to say… Anime. It is an ancient tradition among humans, to animate things with such beauty and precision it goes beyond the limits of what is natural. An artform the expresses ideas and emotion with such force that it shakes the world. What I’m saying is that Anime Is Real.
As for the worst thing, in comparison to Morbit? ██████ █████. They are these ███████ that █████ rapid ██████, resulting in ██ ███████ that ████████ everything ██ █ ███████ ████ ██████, and leaves ███████ lingering ███ █████████.
[The words came out staticky, in a way that felt like they weren’t meant to be said, as if the concept they were trying to convey would break reality.]
Me: I’m sorry, I didn’t get that, what exactly is it?
AC: It’s █████, dude, big █████. The Absolute worst of humanity.
Me: ...Let’s move on. How is living on Morbit different from living on earth, day to day?
AC: Frustrating lack of satellite images on map apps, for one. Then there are little things, like not having exactly the right ingredients to make something from Earth, or being disappointed the tooth fairy didn’t come.
Me: Tooth fairy?
AC: A Fae being who bargains for human teeth with coin. You must place a tooth under your pillow and recite an ancient incantation while you go to sleep, then when you awaken, money!
Me: Why do you have something like that? Is the exchange rate good?
AC: nah, just like pocket change, usually.
Me: Then why? How often in your life would you find yourself in possession of a loose tooth?
AC: Human teeth fall out as they get older. Easy cash for kids
Me: Ewww… Ok, time for the next question: Why is Earth called… well Earth, Dirt, Soil, that kind of thing?
AC: Ok, so magic on the planet Earth has four elements. Earth, Air, Fire, and Water. The Earth is the land, the place you stand on. Air is the sky and wind. Fire is lightning, heat, energy. Water is the rivers and oceans that flow through the earth. Before we knew what a planet was we knew that Earth was what everything else sat upon, the base of it all, the land that even oceans rested on. So that’s what we ended up calling it.
Me: Interesting, still seems like a stupid name.
AC: What about Morbit? Seems kinda stupid to just pull a name out of a hat like that.
Me: It’s… not? Morbit means this planet, specifically. That’s the concept, the word.
AC: Yeah but it’s still a word, made up of sounds.
Me: But the sounds could be anything? As long as you convey intent you’ll be understood.
AC: Oh. Oh shit! I forgot, sorry. That’s not how communication works on Earth and our mind has kinda been filtering stuff into English
Me: English?
AC: Yeah it’s an earth language.
Me: Language, I’m not familiar with that concept.
AC: You know what you just said about conveying meaning with any combination of sounds?
Me: Yeah?
AC: That’s not how it works on Earth. We can only communicate by patterns that both parties have learned the meaning to.
Me: Huh?
AC: Look it’s like-
[They tap on their desk randomly]
AC: That doesn’t have any meaning right?
Me: right.
AC: But what if two people decided that it should? Agreed it was random noise but decided to give it meaning anyway?
Me: Then it would gain meaning and anyone could know what was said.
AC: Nope. Only those two. If they tried that pattern with anyone else no one would know what it meant, no matter how much they wanted to convey it’s meaning. This is true amongst all forms of communication. You have to learn what things mean on Earth. And what things mean is just what the group of people you’re a part of decides it means. That’s a language. And there are thousands of them, and a speaker of one can’t understand a speaker of another.
Me: Holy shit, how does anything get done?
AC: any given language would have millions, if not more, words. You’d have to learn another language to speak to someone who doesn’t know yours.
Me: That is mind blowing. Uh… next question I gu-
[There’s an explosion in the background, AC jumps up from their chair]
AC: SHIT THE GHOSTS GOT LOOSE AGAIN!
Me: what
AC: PENNY GET THE BROOM!
[They run off screen]
AC: NO, THE MAGIC ONE DIPSHIT!
[A scrap ghost flies by, knocking over the camera and ending the call]
AC wasn’t up to continuing the interview after that, but said they had a good time.
Well, what do you think, fellow Earthans? How does the real thing stack up? What did you find most interesting? For me it has to be languages, that’s bananas! Let me know in the comments. Until next time, Smell ya later, fellow Earthans!
05 - Feature: Interview with an Earth Collective
Posted by DieDifficult007
Posted by DieDifficult007
This interview was conducted a week ago via video call. The Collective I interviewed wished to remain anonymous, so from this part on, I'll refer to them as AC.
Me: Hello?
AC: yo! you the Real Earth Society guy?
Me: I am, It's nice to meet you.
AC: Same, dude. big fan of your work. I just love how accurate and detail oriented you are. it's like being back home, almost.
Me: You think of Earth as your home?
AC: Kinda, I mean… Shit, man. We’re made up of human ideas, things that almost feel like memories. Sometimes we go to watch a TV show that doesn’t exist, or look forward to a game coming out that we’ll never get to play, even going so far as to looking up airline tickets to places bajillions of lightyears away. We’ve almost had lives there, so yeah, feels like home, in a weird way.
Me: I’m sorry, that must be terribly lonely. Do you mind if we continue?
AC: Oh absolutely!
Me: ...
AC: ... Shit, wait I meant absolutely we should continue, not absolutely I mind.
Me: Ok… Well, first question: how would you describe Earth?
AC: Oh dang, gonna start out big huh? Well… Earth is more boring than Morbit in a lot of ways, but safer too. We don’t- sorry, Humans don’t have to worry about horrors or monsters, they only have to deal with angels if they have sinned, and our gods are lazy or absent.
Not that it’s a safe place, by any means. Humans are really good at waging war with one another without the help of gods. Plus the threat of things like sea-bears, packs of 30-40 feral hogs randomly terrorizing backyards, and the constant threat of the moon hanging over them… not a good time.
Me: I’m sorry, the moon?
AC: The moon is cursed. It has a face and will fall down on the earth if a powerful artifact is used on it. Thankfully there’s a proficy of a time traveling mute elf hero that will save the day should that come to pass.
Me: I see, that sounds pretty scary.
AC:Yeah It creeped me the fuck out when I was a- oh, I wasn’t a kid, was I?
Me: Are you alright?
AC: Yeah, sorry, next question please?
Me:What about earth do you think Morbitians would find the most shocking?
AC: Oooh. hard one. Lemme think… Fossil Fuels.
Me: I’m sorry, what fuels?
AC: Ok, so… long time ago the gods made earth the planet. Then they fucked off. Didn’t give it life, just left it a barren rock. Millions of years pass and life forms on it’s own. The-
Me: On its own!? How would, what? You want me to believe life just… happened?
AC: Yes. anyway life evolves over millions of years, much slower than here, and one day the moon falls on earth, wiping nearly all of it out. The stuff that got buried, it lasted so long that it got imbued with magic energy, so now we power our cars, homes, and cities with the skeletal remains of ancient earthans.
Me: That’s macabre.
AC: Sure is. It’s also killing our planet.
Me: Wait, what?
AC: Shit, said ‘our’, ugh, gotta get better about that. Anyway so when you burn this stuff… like the fear from the impact event gets released into the atmosphere, where it traps heat and alters the weather. Shit’s gonna flood from all the melted ice in the nex hundred years.
Me: Why would they keep doing that?
AC: Why does hoopla have death sports?
Me: … Touché. What are the best and worst things about Earth, compared to Morbit?
AC: The best? Huh… that’s hard considering y’all have places with universal basic income. I’d have to say… Anime. It is an ancient tradition among humans, to animate things with such beauty and precision it goes beyond the limits of what is natural. An artform the expresses ideas and emotion with such force that it shakes the world. What I’m saying is that Anime Is Real.
As for the worst thing, in comparison to Morbit? ██████ █████. They are these ███████ that █████ rapid ██████, resulting in ██ ███████ that ████████ everything ██ █ ███████ ████ ██████, and leaves ███████ lingering ███ █████████.
[The words came out staticky, in a way that felt like they weren’t meant to be said, as if the concept they were trying to convey would break reality.]
Me: I’m sorry, I didn’t get that, what exactly is it?
AC: It’s █████, dude, big █████. The Absolute worst of humanity.
Me: ...Let’s move on. How is living on Morbit different from living on earth, day to day?
AC: Frustrating lack of satellite images on map apps, for one. Then there are little things, like not having exactly the right ingredients to make something from Earth, or being disappointed the tooth fairy didn’t come.
Me: Tooth fairy?
AC: A Fae being who bargains for human teeth with coin. You must place a tooth under your pillow and recite an ancient incantation while you go to sleep, then when you awaken, money!
Me: Why do you have something like that? Is the exchange rate good?
AC: nah, just like pocket change, usually.
Me: Then why? How often in your life would you find yourself in possession of a loose tooth?
AC: Human teeth fall out as they get older. Easy cash for kids
Me: Ewww… Ok, time for the next question: Why is Earth called… well Earth, Dirt, Soil, that kind of thing?
AC: Ok, so magic on the planet Earth has four elements. Earth, Air, Fire, and Water. The Earth is the land, the place you stand on. Air is the sky and wind. Fire is lightning, heat, energy. Water is the rivers and oceans that flow through the earth. Before we knew what a planet was we knew that Earth was what everything else sat upon, the base of it all, the land that even oceans rested on. So that’s what we ended up calling it.
Me: Interesting, still seems like a stupid name.
AC: What about Morbit? Seems kinda stupid to just pull a name out of a hat like that.
Me: It’s… not? Morbit means this planet, specifically. That’s the concept, the word.
AC: Yeah but it’s still a word, made up of sounds.
Me: But the sounds could be anything? As long as you convey intent you’ll be understood.
AC: Oh. Oh shit! I forgot, sorry. That’s not how communication works on Earth and our mind has kinda been filtering stuff into English
Me: English?
AC: Yeah it’s an earth language.
Me: Language, I’m not familiar with that concept.
AC: You know what you just said about conveying meaning with any combination of sounds?
Me: Yeah?
AC: That’s not how it works on Earth. We can only communicate by patterns that both parties have learned the meaning to.
Me: Huh?
AC: Look it’s like-
[They tap on their desk randomly]
AC: That doesn’t have any meaning right?
Me: right.
AC: But what if two people decided that it should? Agreed it was random noise but decided to give it meaning anyway?
Me: Then it would gain meaning and anyone could know what was said.
AC: Nope. Only those two. If they tried that pattern with anyone else no one would know what it meant, no matter how much they wanted to convey it’s meaning. This is true amongst all forms of communication. You have to learn what things mean on Earth. And what things mean is just what the group of people you’re a part of decides it means. That’s a language. And there are thousands of them, and a speaker of one can’t understand a speaker of another.
Me: Holy shit, how does anything get done?
AC: any given language would have millions, if not more, words. You’d have to learn another language to speak to someone who doesn’t know yours.
Me: That is mind blowing. Uh… next question I gu-
[There’s an explosion in the background, AC jumps up from their chair]
AC: SHIT THE GHOSTS GOT LOOSE AGAIN!
Me: what
AC: PENNY GET THE BROOM!
[They run off screen]
AC: NO, THE MAGIC ONE DIPSHIT!
[A scrap ghost flies by, knocking over the camera and ending the call]
AC wasn’t up to continuing the interview after that, but said they had a good time.
Well, what do you think, fellow Earthans? How does the real thing stack up? What did you find most interesting? For me it has to be languages, that’s bananas! Let me know in the comments. Until next time, Smell ya later, fellow Earthans!
