[TOY] Plaything

[skinstealer]

You may as well shower and wash up…

When you reach the bathroom mirror, you take a good few seconds to stare at yourself in the mirror. Your face feels weird, and you can’t say you enjoy looking at it too much…but you manage to wipe off the tear paint anyway, washing your hands of it-

God, I want a hug.

You hate it, you hate it so much, but more tears come, and for some amount of time that you can’t be bothered to keep track of, you’re in the shower crying. The water does help to calm you down some, but something about this thought feels profoundly lonely. You just-

You turn off the water and reach for your towel, drying off with a few quick motions.

…maybe you could get these feelings out on paper. Metaphorically.

You remember seeing some kind of notes app on your phone…you don’t bother getting dressed again as you sit on the edge of your bed, taking the device in hand and flipping it over.

Sure enough, there it is. You open it up and start typing…whatever comes to mind.

i dont know what to do. i keep having these awful dreams

well the last one was nice actually but that sucks too

when its good it feels wrong, both because its willow but also because something is just. fucked about it. it reminds me of how messed up stuff is, except i dont even remember what’s messed up about it. i just keep feeling horrible and weird and i want a fucking hug

this is pointless

im just going in circles

This is supposed to make you feel better, right? Writing stuff down?

Why does it just make you feel sick?

You try to catch your breath and get ahold of yourself, setting the phone down for a few moments as you screw your eyes shut. When you open them up again, you pick the phone back up and start typing again.

You write about what happened in the dream, all of the little details you can remember. When you get to the stuff with Willow, you can’t help but feel a mix of giddy and embarrassed- this is still…weird, and you feel guilty for it, but there’s something nice about having a silly dream with her in it instead of a nightmare.

Besides, hugs were…less pressure than whatever the kiss was last time.

When you’re all done, you start to feel a lot better…writing down the pirate outfits was fun, at least.

…but now you’re restless.

Maybe…

No, it’s stupid.

Unless…

 

You don your usual outfit- you’d come back for the party gear later. Once you’re all decked out, you’re out the door- and headed for the bar.

POLKA DOT: Is Cindi here?

Vine’s getting lunch specials set up, her expression hard to read.

VINE: Thought you weren’t coming in today.
VINE: Don’t you have a party in two hours?
POLKA DOT: I’m not, just…
POLKA DOT: Is Cindi around?
VINE: …they’re out back.
VINE: You’re not planning on fighting them again, are you?
 

You try not to look guilty of that exact line of thought.

 

Judging by the look your mentor gives you, you’re doing a horrible job of it.

VINE: …you young toys…
VINE: I can’t stop you, but don’t get too messed up before you go out.
VINE: You don’t want to be dented up on your first night out.
POLKA DOT: You’re the best, Vine.
VINE: Mm.
 

She watches as you zip towards the back, passing by Beans getting xer apron on. Xe does a little wave, which you return before going straight out to the alley.

 

Cindi’s leaning against the wall, some kind of toothpick stuck into the fabric of their muzzle.

CINDI: …old lady said you had the day off.
POLKA DOT: I want to fight.
CINDI: What, you think I’m a punching bag now?
CINDI: Get real.

They pull the toothpick out of their face- a gesture that makes you cringe- and tosses it to the ground, crushing it with their hoof.

CINDI: We fight when I say we do.
CINDI: You got that?