[TOY] Plaything

[Lilium Mortem]

I don't want to make people suffer, for the most part, but I think I have a lot of baggage around violence and pain.

[King-Clod]

Only specific people.

...That's not the right answer, is it.

[skinstealer]

POLKA DOT: …I…don’t think I have the right answer for that.
TIMOTHY: I mean…
TIMOTHY: I want to hear anyway.
 

He seems a bit tense at that, but you can’t pin down exactly why.

POLKA DOT: I don’t want to make people suffer.
POLKA DOT: Ffffor the most part.
POLKA DOT: There are people who are just. Assholes. Those who hurt other people.
POLKA DOT: Them, I’m not sure about.
POLKA DOT: I can’t remember it all, but I think when it comes to violence and pain, I’ve got baggage.
POLKA DOT: …is that fucked up?
 

Tim keeps tapping at the table, both hands now. 

TIMOTHY: Well…
TIMOTHY: It’s not great, but I do get it.
TIMOTHY: I can’t really go into it, not yet, but I get that too, a little.
TIMOTHY: It’s just…important to me that I don’t let it cross over into wanting to do scenes like this.
TIMOTHY: It’s different.
TIMOTHY: I think…as long as you work on things, that’s what matters.
 

He seems to stare off into the distance, just a little.

TIMOTHY: Violence seems unavoidable in this world…
TIMOTHY: If I have to choose, I want to pick the kind where people are actually happy and safe.
TIMOTHY: Maybe that’s silly-
 

The cashier calls out your names, both of you getting to your feet.

TIMOTHY: Let’s get our food and get back to it, yeah?
POLKA DOT: Yeah. Sounds good.
 

It’s clear that whatever Tim’s concerned with, it’s…hard for him to talk about.

You’re not going to pry. Yet.

You return to your table with a tray full of food, and god, you are delighted with the flavors immediately. You love food, as it turns out. Soup is especially tasty, but the burger isn’t bad either. Tim seems just as happy to dig in, and the two of you enjoy your meal wordlessly. It’s a little bit awkward, but from the warm look Tim gives you, it’s clear that he isn’t judging you for earlier. 

At least there’s that…

When you get back to it, you skim around a bit more- ooh, outfits…

 

You can’t help but smile as you look through latex and leather gear…even if you have zero interest in any of the play around pain and domination, you just can’t get enough of this stuff. Masks and hoods seem especially cool right now, but you have no idea if it’d just look silly with your beak. 

TIMOTHY: Found it!
POLKA DOT: Eh?
TIMOTHY: Stuff on munches!
 

He turns the book around for you to read.

 

“Munches and other casual gatherings are commonplace in the BDSM scene, though how they operate depends on location and settlement culture. The majority of munches take place in public settings with no play or fetishwear present, and are mainly set up as a way to meet others interested in play before committing to anything. Some private locales do offer gatherings with more risque or explicit content allowed, but these are rarer and mainly recommended for people at the very least versed in the basics of conduct.”

TIMOTHY: Looks like the Laurie’s munch is the less common kind…
TIMOTHY: I’m not too worried, but I doubt I’m going to actually get up to anything there. 
TIMOTHY: I’ll probably just try to hang out with Devo the whole time, haha…
TIMOTHY: Is that weird? Like, I should socialize with others too, right?
TIMOTHY: At the same time…
TIMOTHY: If I’m new to this, it may be a better idea to just watch from a distance and take things in.
TIMOTHY: I dunno! What do you think?

[Pichi2214]

can't hurt to stick with people you know, I'd stick with devo first and once you're comfortable and maybe socialize a bit with the rest
also can't hurt to get some more bonding time with devo specifically

[King-Clod]

Hard to say until you get to the place and get a feel for its vibe. I think being your usual friendly self should go fine, though. Hard to imagine it wouldn't be.

Have you gone over the basics of conduct already though? Seems like that'll be important.

[Lilium Mortem]

I dunno man, I think that's something only you can answer. you gotta figure out what you're comfortable with, and act responsibly. I don't know what your limits are, I don't know how you feel. You gotta suss this out yourself.

[skinstealer]

POLKA DOT: I dunno, man…kind of something you gotta figure out.
POLKA DOT: But…it wouldn’t hurt to stick to Devo, yknow, someone you know.
POLKA DOT: Get a feel for the vibes and be yourself.
POLKA DOT: But, I don’t know what your limits are, that’s your deal to explore.
POLKA DOT: …does that make sense?
 

The scottie dog nods, taking it in.

TIMOTHY: Yeah…yeah, that makes sense!
TIMOTHY: Sorry to spring such a personal question on you, just…
TIMOTHY: I like being able to get advice from someone, especially a friend.
 

You can’t help but smile at that- it’s not the first time he’s used the term “friend” by any means, but…it’s nice. You definitely don’t get the same feelings as you do for Willow for this guy, but there’s something genuine about spending time with a guy who you know has your back. 

 

Both of you get back to your books, chatting all the while. It’s easy to get lost in it, and before you know it, the cafe’s closing up for the night.

TIMOTHY: …well, looks like we’re getting the boot.
TIMOTHY: I’ve got work tomorrow, and you’ve got your party…
TIMOTHY: So I guess we’ll hang out some other time!
TIMOTHY: I definitely want to catch up after the munch on Monday, at the very least.
POLKA DOT: Monday…tomorrow’s Friday, right?
TIMOTHY: Yeah!
POLKA DOT: Then we’ll meet after the weekend, for sure.
TIMOTHY: It’s a plan.
 

He raises his paw up, the gesture foreign to you for just a few moments before you go for the high five. Tim’s tail starts wagging all over, looking pleased as can be.

TIMOTHY: You have a good night!
 

---

 

The walk back is easy enough, and it looks like everybody’s got places to go…it’s still not too late, but after everything, you are Tired with a capital T as soon as you get back to your room. It….wouldn’t hurt to get an early rest, right?

You get into your sleeping clothes and flop right back into bed, your eyes closing as soon as you hit the pillow. Bed is warm, and soft, and welcoming…


You dream. But of what?

[Lilium Mortem]

a boundless ocean to swim in, a sun that hangs in a cloudless blue sky. dark shapes of fish swim in the water, some many times larger than us. There's a McDonald's there for some reason.

[King-Clod]

We have something important with in our hands. It is small, glimmering, and precious. We were told not to lose it. It feels slippery in our grasp.

[MarxzVulpez]

You and Willow on a fantasy quest! You are both to rescue Lady Penne Pastamonious, Heiress apparent to the Spaghetti Throne, who has been kidnapped by the great and terrifying Meatball Ogre Craigenald.

[skinstealer]

You open your eyes to a sight that makes your metaphorical heart race- endless swaths of pristine ocean waters, a light blue sky hanging overhead. It’s so much brighter and more welcoming than the city you’ve come to call home in such a short time, and-

The ground sways slightly and you realize you’re on a boat- your mind calls it a pirate ship. Huh. Weird. There’s billowing sails with a silly duck face and crossbones- it must be yours.

You walk to the edge of the boat, leaning on the rails- there’s fish down there, big enough that you can see their shadowy shapes swimming through the water. You can even see…windup keys along their sides, which fills you with a weird feeling…

Familiarity, maybe.

You stay transfixed by them for a few more moments before the sound of someone else on the deck makes you whip around, your face heating up as soon as you make eye contact.

Willow, fresh in pirate garb, a bandana tied around one of her horns and a ruffled collar hanging above her shirtless chest. Boots look especially nice on her, and the sound of them approaching is unmistakable.

WILLOW: So…are you ready, Captain?
 

…you very much like the sound of that.

POLKA DOT: Uh, captain? I’m no-
WILLOW: You’ve got the hat for it, don’t you?
 

You reach up and feel a proper captain’s hat perched lazily on your head, a quick check to the rest of your body revealing a dapper, matching coat.

POLKA DOT: …guess so!
WILLOW: Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten our quest!
POLKA DOT: …quest?
WILLOW: Um…well…
WILLOW: We’re on a journey to fight Lady Penne, an evil macaroni drawing who’s stolen some kind of precious thing from you- you won’t tell me what it is, though.
 

It nags at the back of your mind, but you can’t remember either.

POLKA DOT: You’ll, uh, know it when you see it.
WILLOW: If you say so..
WILLOW: Still, I…don’t know if I was the best choice for this journey…
WILLOW: I know I volunteered, but the water’s so scary…
 

She pulls out something from a holster at her side-

It’s a hatchet, and actual metal to boot.

WILLOW: All I have is this, while her guards must have swords…
POLKA DOT: Hey…
 

You place a wing on her shoulder, the virtual pet making a thankful beep.

POLKA DOT: You’ll be fine.
POLKA DOT: We’ll do it together, both of us.
WILLOW: If you’re sure…
 

Before you can react, she has you in a hug, her plastic arms warm under the sun’s rays.

WILLOW: I know I can always count on you.
 

….

….for some reason, you feel like crying.

---

For the second morning in a row, you wake up with tear-stain paint on your cheeks.

POLKA DOT: …fuck this.
 

You check your phone’s clock, only to find that you somehow slept 14 fucking hours. It’s already noon.

Four hours to burn.

[King-Clod]

Let's wash up, and try to...journal about something. I think that's the healthiest use of our time we can get.

Do we have a journal though? Shoot. We must have a journaling app on our phone, right? And that way we can know it's private.

[MarxzVulpez]

seconding washing up and journalling, esp writing down that dream (maybe esp. trying to remember and writing down the outfits?)

[Lilium Mortem]

you should go find cindi, see if you can't punch your feelings away.

[skinstealer]

You may as well shower and wash up…

When you reach the bathroom mirror, you take a good few seconds to stare at yourself in the mirror. Your face feels weird, and you can’t say you enjoy looking at it too much…but you manage to wipe off the tear paint anyway, washing your hands of it-

God, I want a hug.

You hate it, you hate it so much, but more tears come, and for some amount of time that you can’t be bothered to keep track of, you’re in the shower crying. The water does help to calm you down some, but something about this thought feels profoundly lonely. You just-

You turn off the water and reach for your towel, drying off with a few quick motions.

…maybe you could get these feelings out on paper. Metaphorically.

You remember seeing some kind of notes app on your phone…you don’t bother getting dressed again as you sit on the edge of your bed, taking the device in hand and flipping it over.

Sure enough, there it is. You open it up and start typing…whatever comes to mind.

i dont know what to do. i keep having these awful dreams

well the last one was nice actually but that sucks too

when its good it feels wrong, both because its willow but also because something is just. fucked about it. it reminds me of how messed up stuff is, except i dont even remember what’s messed up about it. i just keep feeling horrible and weird and i want a fucking hug

this is pointless

im just going in circles

This is supposed to make you feel better, right? Writing stuff down?

Why does it just make you feel sick?

You try to catch your breath and get ahold of yourself, setting the phone down for a few moments as you screw your eyes shut. When you open them up again, you pick the phone back up and start typing again.

You write about what happened in the dream, all of the little details you can remember. When you get to the stuff with Willow, you can’t help but feel a mix of giddy and embarrassed- this is still…weird, and you feel guilty for it, but there’s something nice about having a silly dream with her in it instead of a nightmare.

Besides, hugs were…less pressure than whatever the kiss was last time.

When you’re all done, you start to feel a lot better…writing down the pirate outfits was fun, at least.

…but now you’re restless.

Maybe…

No, it’s stupid.

Unless…

 

You don your usual outfit- you’d come back for the party gear later. Once you’re all decked out, you’re out the door- and headed for the bar.

POLKA DOT: Is Cindi here?

Vine’s getting lunch specials set up, her expression hard to read.

VINE: Thought you weren’t coming in today.
VINE: Don’t you have a party in two hours?
POLKA DOT: I’m not, just…
POLKA DOT: Is Cindi around?
VINE: …they’re out back.
VINE: You’re not planning on fighting them again, are you?
 

You try not to look guilty of that exact line of thought.

 

Judging by the look your mentor gives you, you’re doing a horrible job of it.

VINE: …you young toys…
VINE: I can’t stop you, but don’t get too messed up before you go out.
VINE: You don’t want to be dented up on your first night out.
POLKA DOT: You’re the best, Vine.
VINE: Mm.
 

She watches as you zip towards the back, passing by Beans getting xer apron on. Xe does a little wave, which you return before going straight out to the alley.

 

Cindi’s leaning against the wall, some kind of toothpick stuck into the fabric of their muzzle.

CINDI: …old lady said you had the day off.
POLKA DOT: I want to fight.
CINDI: What, you think I’m a punching bag now?
CINDI: Get real.

They pull the toothpick out of their face- a gesture that makes you cringe- and tosses it to the ground, crushing it with their hoof.

CINDI: We fight when I say we do.
CINDI: You got that?

[knux400]

You know, a literal punching bag for our room might not be a bad idea. Let's make a note to grab one later on if we can.

For right now, though...

"So, hypothetically speaking, if I were to start swinging, you would just stand there and take it, since you're not in the mood for fighting?"

[King-Clod]

Fine. I got it. I'll find someone else.

[Lilium Mortem]

Curse and storm off. maybe punch the wall in frustration.

[skinstealer]

Their refusal makes you even more tense and worked up, all the bad feelings from before coming back.

POLKA DOT: Fine.
 

You turn to storm off, punching at the wall on your way out- it’s a familiar gesture like so many others at this point, but you instantly regret it- it really hurts your wing.

There’s a noise behind you, and when you peer over your shoulder you’re immediately startled by the horse’s head looming over yours.

CINDI: You got a temper, duck.
CINDI: Tempers like that get you killed out here, especially when you combine it with literally looking for trouble.
CINDI: I’m not in a fighting mood right before work, but I get the feeling that if I don’t stop you, you’re gonna end up dead by nightfall.
CINDI: Really, ain’t my problem.
CINDI: But I guess today I’ve got a case of bleeding heart.
CINDI: You wanna explain why you’re so intent on trying to wail on me before I call your sweet, precious Vine on your ass?

[Lilium Mortem]

because I've had enough bullshit and I just want to punch something, is that so hard to understand? That the entire world is fucking with me and I can't fight back? that we're all stuck playing pretend, puppeted by some bullshit entity that wants to make our lives into stories? Is that enough reason? or would you like to hear the bits and pieces of my tragic backstory I've pieced together after waking up crying every morning?