[PCA] REMEDY HOUR

[skinstealer]

[id: an abstract cover art featuring maes artag, a cat furry with black eyes, along with smoke and geometric patterns.]

REMEDY HOUR
for (relatively spoiler free) content warnings for this project, click here.

 

 

 

[id: maes artag is standing in an office with charon judgment, a dog furry, and papaya, a bug-like robot. maes is wearing a green sweater and brown pants, and is holding a white cane. papaya has a blue sweater and prominent pink eyes, and charon is wearing a pink coat with a black sweater underneath. charon's hair is wild and curly, and gelled into a somewhat pompadour-esque shape. his eyes are distinctly unnatural, with "no entry" sign pupils and a similarly shaped halo above his head.]

It’s an atypical day at the Menagerie, Taverne’s largest medical facility, when Maes Artag isn’t on duty. Neither working in the surgical wards or in the secret underground facilities, the karacel finds themself tasked with a new goal- one that fills them with apprehension and…dread.
 
Maes sits in the newly-made waiting room with the handle of their white cane in a death grip, the device collapsed to avoid taking up too much room. They’re preoccupied on what feels like a dozen things at once, ranging from superficial worries such as whether their hair looks alright-

Of course it does, Charon helped me brush out all the tangles today, and I picked out the pulled back style-

-to much, much grander scale distress.

Am I doing the right thing?
My siblings need care, but…
Is…
Is letting someone know about this program so intimately the right move?
We have to go public eventually, but-
This is a good deal different than a press release. This is…

Maes realizes they’re digging their claws into the handle of their cane.

Fuck. Relax.
Therapy is normal. Lots of people go to therapy.
There are tons of therapists here. This one’s just specialized in…particularly complex trauma cases.
If I can pull this off, it’ll help people.
This is worth it. It has to be worth it.

With a shallow attempt at steadying their breath, they turn their attention to the room.

Sparsely furnished from my quick look around, but it makes sense.
We’re just borrowing the room for a few months. Chances are there’s not going to be much…personalized touches.
If this goes well, they’ll get a proper office.
For now, it’s just the three of us…
Myself, Charon, and-

MAES: ...when is this Papaya person going to be ready?
 

Their voice comes out more curt than they'd like, the surgeon almost immediately shrinking back and following up before their partner, sitting next to them, can answer.

MAES: S...sorry.
MAES: On edge.
 

Maes can hear the sound of Charon’s earring jangles as he shakes his head. It’s a familiar sound, one that immediately makes Maes untense, even with how small it is. Their canine partner was easily recognizable both from his voice and the various levels of noise he was accompanied with, his motions easily choreographed from his coat rustling, pocket contents shuffling, and metal limbs clanking.

He’d been working with Maes for months at this point, and Maes is pretty sure they’d give the world for him. Once simply something between an assistant and daily companion, now significantly more than that.

Not only is he Maes’ partner, but one of their two close friends.

 
CHARON: I know how much this matters to you.
MAES: I know, and- it is important.
MAES: Crucial, even.
MAES: I'm going to be holding them to standards I don't for anyone else.
CHARON: I don't blame you for wanting to test this yourself.
CHARON: You've never had a therapist before?
MAES: No. Never.
MAES: ...admittedly I've seen myself as...being able to handle things just fine.
CHARON: Mm... try not to shut them down immediately.
CHARON: These things tend to take some time and work.
MAES: I just don't get how a stranger is supposed to help me understand the situation better.
MAES: I understand it just fine-
 

They catch themself, trying to reel it back in.

MAES: ...but I know that attitude isn't good for me or my siblings to have.
MAES: I'm doing this for them more than myself.
CHARON: If this works out they'll be more than appreciative. Just hope that you get something out of this-
????: Pardon!
 

The two are interrupted by a nervous sounding voice.

????: Was handling a bit of a call, important to the business at hand of course.
 

My documents said they’d be a tall construct. Lots of eyes.
Dresses warmly and with cozy attire.
…good god, they smell like coffee. Must be a big drinker…

Maes stands up a bit too fast, awkwardly holding their hand out.

MAES: Dr. Maes Artag.
MAES: You're Papaya, I presume?
 

The construct reaches out and shakes with a slight firmness.

PAPAYA: Mmhmm.
PAPAYA: Sorry about the wait, needed to make sure the preparations are all set for this.
PAPAYA: Interfacing in a digital space is fairly complicated technology, especially with those of the non-synthetic nature.
PAPAYA: Pleasure to meet you!
MAES: Likewise.
 

They return it just as firmly, pulling away after a moment to gesture to Charon.

MAES: This is my assistant, Judgment-
 

While we're still keeping our relationship on the down low...
If their tech really is as advanced as I'm paying for, they're going to find out.

 
MAES: -and, ah, partner.
 

Charon gets up as well, a pause before he speaks.

Probably giving them the formal knight bow…

CHARON: I'll be here while the Boss handles the examination.
CHARON: Hope it's not an issue.
PAPAYA: Shouldn't be, it’s good to have someone to comfort you after in case a session is a bit intense.
PAPAYA: Did either of you read the documentation on how this process works?
MAES: Yes, though I have...questions.
MAES: This sort of technology is very new to me, and I want to make sure that I understand exactly what I'm getting into.
 

Papaya nods.

PAPAYA: Go ahead, ask away.
MAES: Exactly how...reflective, is the digital environment?
MAES: Your paperwork mentions that it shifts and changes depending on certain factors, but I had a hard time gauging how much is controlled by you and how much is by the other people within it.
PAPAYA: It's designed to be evocative, but it's never one for one and it can't recreate living things.
PAPAYA: I can't go much further than what you're willing to open up to.
PAPAYA: If you're adamantly pushing against it, the world will stay close to the default office setting.
MAES: ...mmmm.
 

I don’t know how I feel about this.
Considering everything, that just sounds like it’d make things worse.
But…

The karacel sighs, resigning themself to following along.

MAES: Easy to understand, I suppose.
MAES: Charon, do you have any questions before we go in?
CHARON: What do you do if a session is too much?
CHARON: Any killswitch?
PAPAYA: De-escalation, slowly shift the environment away from the trigger before disconnect.
PAPAYA: Abrupt disconnect in the middle of that's just asking to wake up to a panic attack so we try to prevent it.
PAPAYA: We also monitor stress levels to avoid hitting extremes as best we can.
MAES: Will there be any side effects from Charon being there?
PAPAYA: He won't bleed over at all if you're worried.
MAES: But...he will be able to see the environment reflect me, correct?
PAPAYA: If you allow it, then yes.
MAES: Mm.
MAES: Is there anything you, Papaya, think I should know going in?
 

Their look is stern.

PAPAYA: You have full control.
PAPAYA: This device isn't designed to and can't probe more than you're willing.
PAPAYA: If you need to stop, we'll stop.
MAES: Good.
MAES: And to be clear- this is a test for you, as well.
MAES: If you can't handle what my mind gives you, you need to voice that so I can act accordingly.
MAES: If I find you're covering up your own inability to take on this level of severity for the sake of a paycheck, I will make consequences for you.
MAES: ...my rehab residents deserve the best, and I am taking a gamble on you.
MAES: Your honesty with your own limits is necessary.
PAPAYA: I've been at this for a real long time and I did a little background research on this place.
PAPAYA: If I didn't think I could do this, wouldn't try to begin with.
PAPAYA: Promise you I'll let you know.
 

Maes’ posture stiffens up visibly.

There’s a lot of things that could mean.
It’s fine. We have a long history of achievements, it’s probably just-

MAES: What kind of background research.
PAPAYA: Previous management.
 

Maes’ fur bristles.

Fuck.

PAPAYA: When I got the details on who would be the primary clients for this, a colleague advised looking into it and well... I really hope the rumors aren't true, can't imagine going through that.
 

Don’t fucking look down on me, on us-

MAES: That information is currently confidential to those outside the facility, you shouldn't have been able t-
 

Their voice, laden with ice, is cut off by a warm, reassuring tone.

CHARON: Boss, I did a lot of the same myself, if you recall.
CHARON: Don't think it comes from ill intent here.
MAES: …
 

...he did.
And he did find details about Anya…
It’s…
I have to be ready for this.
Anyone I hire with qualifications for the rehab program has probably heard rumors…

They take a deep breath, letting it out as a sigh.

MAES: ...you're right.
MAES: I shouldn't expect my attempt at limiting information to be airtight.
 

Papaya speaks up.

PAPAYA: I've been under a lot of similar myself so... I just want the best for the people here.
MAES: Ah.
 
 

That gets them to back down a bit more, nodding.

That’s right.
They’re a trauma specialist with experience in mass tragedies.
Considering they’re from Plaza, that…tracks.
I picked them for a reason.

MAES: I...suppose that does give you a vested interest.
MAES: Very well.
MAES: I can try to work with that.
PAPAYA: Mm... I think for today we're going to start light regardless.
MAES: Finding something light to start with is...more difficult than you'd imagine with me, but...lead the way.
MAES: I have something in mind.
PAPAYA: The room is prepared.
PAPAYA: Ready to go live?
MAES: ...as I'll ever be.
MAES: Is there somewhere for me to sit?
PAPAYA: Up ahead.
MAES: Mm.
 

They wait for Charon to join their side, and then head forward.

[skinstealer]

[id: a head shot of maes artag, with them wearing a small, stick-on headpiece, wide-eyed and surrounded by abstract shapes reminiscent of static, smoke, and multi-colored panes of glass.]

The office itself is small but comfortable, with a nice temperature and a couch that Maes sinks into just enough as they sit down.

PAPAYA: Oh, would you be okay with me applying the headpiece?
PAPAYA: I could teach your partner to handle it for future sessions.
 

Their fur bristles up again at the thought of someone touching their face, but they visibly try to calm down as soon as they catch it.

MAES: ...go ahead.
 

Papaya applies an adhesive to two little devices, careful but efficient.

PAPAYA: I'm going to put two devices on your temples.
MAES: Understood.

They manage to apply them with surprising ease, with very little discomfort.

MAES: That's all?
PAPAYA: Mmhmm.
PAPAYA: Did you get all that.. Judgment?
CHARON: Believe so.
CHARON: Seems surprisingly simple.
PAPAYA: Has to be, if we make it look scary nobody would ever want to do this.
PAPAYA: These will allow the projection to have a little sensory immersion.
PAPAYA: It's easier with constructs, but it should do fine on folks like you.
MAES: Do you have a specific protocol for needing to stop, if it gets to be too much?
MAES: You said that we could, but I want to know what your procedure is for that.
MAES: ...Just in case.
PAPAYA: In extremes we shift the projections back toward a more neutral environment and de-escalate tension until you collect yourself.
MAES: And I can just voice that?
PAPAYA: Mmhmm.
PAPAYA: This technology is designed to not violate privacy, it's only willing to go deep if you are.
 

Only as deep as I’m willing to go.
No further.

MAES: ...Okay. I'm ready.
 

They take a deep breath.

MAES: Tell me how to start.
PAPAYA: Relax yourself and think of something you want to talk about today.

They know things about the lab already, but…
I don’t know how much they do know, and how far would be too far.
I don’t want to scare them off, but I do need to test their skills here.
…I suppose I could start with…

MAES: ...will it matter if it's more of an abstract concept?
PAPAYA: That's allowed.
MAES: Okay.
 

I'm...thinking about...
...the recent identity stuff.
I figure that's a safe place to start.

PAPAYA: I'm gonna go live with it.
PAPAYA: Sound good?
MAES: Mm.
 

With a flick of a switch, Maes is transported toward a fairly stationary room, the feeling being very simple, almost to a cozy degree.  Charon continues to stand nearby, placing a hand on their shoulder for comfort.

Papaya chimes in.

PAPAYA: You're in, should be immersed in the simulation now.
PAPAYA: How are you feeling?
MAES: ...not too different, yet.
MAES: It feels...warmer in here, now.
PAPAYA: Good, means it's working just fine.
PAPAYA: What are we opening with?
PAPAYA: Something you'd like to tackle for a first session.
MAES: ...I've had some realizations lately, ones I've been working on with Judgment- exclusively, until now.
MAES: I figure...even if it has ties to some of the harder things I've been through, it's something safer.
PAPAYA: Continue.
MAES: Namely, ah...

They seem to have trouble getting started, trailing off.

This should be easy enough, right? I'm an adult and I've talked to Charon about it extensively-
Why am I freezing up?

PAPAYA: Whatever you say does not leave  this room, but if you'd rather talk about something else you're allowed to.
MAES: No, it's. It's probably the easiest place to start.
 

They take a deep breath.

MAES: I've realized that I don't feel connected to being a woman, anymore.
MAES: I don't know if I ever...did, in the first place, but it's what I've been working with up until this point.
PAPAYA: Is there something else you personally lean into?
PAPAYA: Or are you still figuring that out, you think?
MAES: Definitely still figuring it out.
MAES: I know that I would rather work with they pronouns, and have been trying that with Judgment, but I haven't...come out to anyone else yet.
MAES: ...part of me fears I won't be taken seriously, even if it's a ridiculous worry for the area.
MAES: Precipice is a good zone for this sort of thing, and Mockery an even better city for it.
MAES: Hell, we even provide gender-related services here at the lab, hormones, surgeries, transformative care, you name it…
MAES: ...but I'm very public facing as a medical figure, even if not on a private level.
MAES: If I were to ask for a pronoun change on a public level, it would probably make news.
 

They can't help but grimace, the idea of it making their skin crawl.

Made into a spectacle, even more than when I first got this job.

PAPAYA: I think you should work your way up.
PAPAYA: Start opening up to your personal circles, take advice from groups who've been in your shoes.
PAPAYA: Any reason going public scares you so much?
 

Maes stiffens up, only managing a nod.

PAPAYA: Your partner accepts you just fine, right?
MAES: Yes, but...
MAES: There are people I have to interact with on a…
 

They struggle to get the word out, mind starting to race.

I can’t think about them right now. Keep it simple.

MAES: Professional level that I know might not take kindly to it.
MAES: ...leftovers from the previous management, you could put it.
PAPAYA: Ah...
 

Papaya taps on their desk as they ponder for a bit, thinking over their words.

PAPAYA: If that wasn't a factor, where would you want to be?
PAPAYA: I want you to picture the things you'd want to hear for yourself.
MAES: ...Neutral terms, I think.
MAES: Person, partner...
 

The room echoes with the voice of a certain dog, the feeling of Charon’s hand on their shoulder radiating warmth.

My partner

Maes jumps at first, but does their best to settle back down.

MAES: ...that's normal, correct?
PAPAYA: Mmhmm.. was that something you think about?
MAES: Hearing Judgment say it does help the most, yes.
MAES: He's been immensely supportive...
 

They reach up to rub their hand against the one gently touching them.

CHARON: I try my best to be...
PAPAYA: It's good that you have someone there for you like that.
PAPAYA: What was it like coming out to him?
MAES: ...it was after work.
MAES: I work with the more severe surgical cases here at the lab, as well as dabble in transformative treatments....recently, I'd been assigned a patient who wanted a full body transformation to aid in their own gender presentation, and I suppose it just....got me thinking.
MAES: I always try to get myself in the heads of my patients so that I can understand what they're going for better, and this one really struck a chord.
MAES: I don't- I don't think I want as extreme as what they wanted, with a full body overhaul, but...
MAES: I was visibly lost in thought over it, and Ch-
MAES: Judgment noticed.
 

The room starts to shift toward their bedroom back on that very day, the familiar temperature settings and sensation of folded bedsheets and a hot dinner coming back.

I was safe with him. I always am.
He works so hard to take care of the two of us, and does so much to help me feel cared for.
He was there for me. Always, always there.

Maes visibly starts to relax, doing their best to let themself feel the sensations coming back.

MAES: He could tell I was worked up about something, and I didn't want to tell him at first.
MAES: I felt...self conscious, even silly about it.
PAPAYA: But you did, I take it?
MAES: Mm, with some coaxing.
MAES: I said that I was thinking about how malleable the human form is, especially in my case, and that I might want something different for myself someday.
PAPAYA: Mm.
PAPAYA: I've gone through a lot of changes myself over the years, don't think it's ever bad to consider it.
MAES: I still don't know what I'd do yet, but...
MAES: He was very supportive, and we talked a bit about what I currently don't like.
MAES: It...was very stressful, to a degree, especially because I know, as he puts it-
 

They can't help but smile a little.

MAES: He likes every part of me.
 

The nice sensations pick up even more, practically engulfing the room with feelings reminiscent of after-shift comforts and conversations.

MAES: He was supportive the whole way, though.
MAES: He said that if he likes every part of me now, he'd feel even more happy to see me happier with myself, too.
PAPAYA: Think you should really sit on that, let yourself think about what you need for you.
MAES: ...that involves thinking about all of the reasons why I don't like those parts of myself, though.
MAES: I wish it was as easy as "I want such and such because it's a part of a specific common gender presentation", but for me, it's just…
 

The warm feeling seems to fade around the edges, the dread from earlier starting to creep in.

MAES: ...it feels like it's all rooted in pain.
PAPAYA: Doesn't make those feelings any less real or valid, you know.
MAES: I know.
MAES: But...it's not..."ideal", you know?
MAES: You hear people say things like "don't assume all trans people are this way because they're traumatized", which is fair and correct, it's not a good assumption to make...
MAES: ...but where does that leave you when you are traumatized, and that ties into this sort of thing?
 

Their voice gets sharp at the end, Maes taking a moment to settle down.

Relax.
They’re not here to hurt you.
They use they pronouns themself, and they seem accepting.
Chill.

MAES: ...I understand people not wanting the stigma of being "broken".
MAES: But it puts people like myself in a weird situation.
PAPAYA: Think it's harder to address it when it does come from a place of trauma, personally.
PAPAYA It takes a lot of reflection and courage to finally address it.
PAPAYA: The fact that you are, even this much, means you're taking a needed first step most people struggle with.
PAPAYA: And to be frank, it's a nonsense stigma.
MAES: It feels like there's a lot more steps to do, though, and I don't even know what they are yet.
MAES: ...talking to my close peers would...be a good start, though.
MAES: I only really have one other close friend, and some staff members working with me on the rehabilitation facility that I'd want to know...
PAPAYA: Then let them know, even if you only can open to a small circle for now, I think that's still a good start.
MAES: ...I barely know anything aside from pronouns, though.
MAES: Wouldn't that feel...I don't know, wishy-washy?
MAES: "Hey, I'm considering this major life transition and I barely figured it out but maybe this could work?"
MAES: ...sorry, that's...probably shitty.
PAPAYA: How are you going to know what feels right if you don't try at all?
PAPAYA: Most folk don't have it pinned in one go.
MAES: ...I guess that's fair.
MAES: I'm just...used to my main exposure being people who have enough down to go for medical treatment.
PAPAYA: You don't need to know for sure yet, all you need to know is that you want to be yourself.
MAES: ...mm.
MAES: I suppose you're right.
 

They take a moment to let out a long, deep breath.

MAES: ...Comparisons to others won't do me any favors either.
PAPAYA: Only thing you should compare is how happy you are before and after.
 

They can't help but smile a little.

MAES: That's...a very sweet way of trying to look at things.
MAES: I'll do my best.
PAPAYA: I know you will.
PAPAYA: We've been at this for a bit, do you want to start de-escalating the room?
MAES: ...yeah. That sounds good.
 

Maes taps Charon's hand again, reassuring themself of him being there.

Charon taps right back.

That wasn’t so bad.
I started small, but that’s okay. Small is okay.
I can go slow. I can do this.
If I can prove this works for me, it’ll work for the others.
This is fine.
I got through it, all in one piece.

The room returns back to its blank state, sensations fading along with it.  

PAPAYA: You should take a long rest tonight, I know the first session is always a lot to swallow even when it is easier than this.
MAES: This...was at the very least, better than I thought it'd be.
MAES: Granted, I avoided talking about specifics whenever I could-
 

They manage a bitter laugh.

MAES: -but we...work up to that, correct?
PAPAYA: We work up to that.
 

When the construct speaks, there’s a smile to their voice.

PAPAYA: For now though, let's get that headset off of you.

[skinstealer]

[id: maes, an anthro cat furry, standing next to synna, an ambiguously marsupial furry with a white crop top exposing a pouch on her belly, and pink shorts. maes is wearing a brown turtleneck, and looks apprehensive. synna looks guarded but receptive.]

Maes’ office is quiet as they put work away for the day, Charon shuffling papers into folders beside them. Going back to work after the session, even if just for a day, felt alien and strange, but not nearly as bad as they were anticipating.

They break the silence, a bit of confidence in their voice.

MAES: ...I feel better than I thought I would.
CHARON: Really?
CHARON: You seemed so reluctant to even try.
MAES: ...better enough to be doing this, anyway.
 

The nerves set in as they say it, that confidence shaken already.

They take a long sigh.

Synna…she’s been my friend for a long time. It’s going to be okay…
She’s designed and made robotic prosthetics and gear for all kinds of people, including those who want this kind of thing. She’ll get it.

MAES: I know Synna's going to be fine with it, just-
CHARON: You can be honest, lay it out.
MAES: But!
MAES: Where do I even start?
MAES: I know I want to get this done with, but I still don't...know how to put things, not without it sounding silly.
CHARON: Don't think she'll laugh if that's what you're worried about.
MAES: I know, but...we've grown apart, you know that.
MAES: I'm worried that I'll come off as overdramatic, or something...
CHARON: You won't know until you tell her.
 

It would be nice to have her included in this…

MAES: You're right.
 

They lean their head onto his chest, giving him a tired bonk.

MAES: ...thank you for being there earlier, too.
MAES: Was it awkward for you at all?
CHARON: No, fancy technology aside, it's not too different from a normal therapy session.
MAES: I've never even had one of those before, so...it's all new to me.
MAES: ...I didn't know you've been to therapy before, either.
CHARON: Small town doctor, but a psych regardless.
MAES: ...maybe I could ask you for advice if it gets....harder.
 

Maes nearly jumps out of their seat as there’s a knock on the office door. Synna’s voice is unmistakable, nasally and upbeat.

SYNNA: Hey, open up!
SYNNA: Can I come in, or are you two kissing or something in there?
CHARON: One moment!
CHARON: You ready Boss?
 

...as I’ll ever be.

All they give is a nod.

Charon walks on over and opens the door.

She’s probably dressed the way she usually is after-hours- way too little clothing for an engineer, but I guess she’s allowed whatever she likes off the clock…
…I suppose it suits her.

SYNNA: You guys never call me out this late- not after a work day, either.
SYNNA: What gives?
CHARON: The boss and I started the first part of our evaluation of the new potential therapist for the lab, you might've seen them around.
SYNNA: You mean the super cute construct?
SYNNA: Lots of eyes?
SYNNA: Yeah, I saw them around earlier.
SYNNA: Figured you two would be grilling them on the clock or something, not doing paperwork-
MAES: I-
 

Maes goes to say something, immediately closing their mouth and swallowing before they can get the words out.

I can do this, I can do this, I can do this-

CHARON: Boss, it's fine to talk about your session.
SYNNA: Wait- her session?
 

The pronoun almost seems to visibly bounce off of them, Maes having to hold back a grimace.

MAES: Yes, my session.
SYNNA: ...you mean you're like, testing this? Yourself?
CHARON: That's part of it.
CHARON: Something came up that’s pretty big, something that felt important to talk to you about before anyone else.
SYNNA: ...Huh.
 

Synna takes that in for a moment before taking one of the empty chairs.

SYNNA: Kinda surprised by that, but...hit me.
 

Okay. She’s receptive.
The shock doesn’t feel great, but that’s okay. She’s listening.

MAES: I-I mean...I know we've, grown apart, in recent years-
SYNNA: I get it, you're busy, it's cool.
MAES: N...no, it's-
 

Maes takes another deep breath.

MAES: This is important, Synna.
MAES: I want you to know about this.
 

Charon places a hand on their shoulder quietly. They whisper a quick "...thank you" before turning back to Synna.

Synna doesn’t say anything, waiting for whatever bomb this was to drop.

MAES: I don't think I'm a woman anymore, Synna.
MAES: Or...if I ever was one.
 

There’s silence for a moment, the room feeling even more tense for Maes than the wait to get to this point.

SYNNA: Huh.
MAES: ...that's all?
SYNNA: I mean, I kinda figured-
MAES: You what?
SYNNA: I mean, after those, like, surgeries, when we were kids-
 

Maes immediately cuts her off, gesturing for her to stop talking and trying to downplay the feeling of a pit opening up in their chest.

SYNNA: ...oh, shit, does he not know about those?
 

H-he’s seen the scars, but I’ve never explained-!

SYNNA: My bad.
SYNNA: ...figured you two were attached at the hip by now.
CHARON: I won't pester about it, continue.
 

I sh-should really tell him, but…
…it’s….
How would I even start-

Maes shoots him a grateful expression, visibly tensed up after that.

SYNNA: ...well, point is, after some stuff that happened when we were teens, I noticed how upset that kind of thing made you.
SYNNA: You hated the way people addressed you, but...
SYNNA: ...as you got into the job and started doing more above ground, you...stopped getting visibly upset about it.
SYNNA: You just started…taking it.
 

A frown sneaks into her voice, her discomfort easily noticed.

SYNNA: ...I noticed, but I didn't...step in.
SYNNA: I figured it was how you were dealing with it.
CHARON: Papaya, the therapist, recommended coming out first to personal circles, building that sort of support network for it while not prepared to fully come out publicly.
CHARON: As soon as their session was over, Boss wanted you to know.
CHARON: There's a few others that've come up as well but you were the priority.
SYNNA: Huh...I appreciate that.
 

She pauses, as if contemplating her next action carefully.

SYNNA: Mind if I pat your hand, Maes?
 

...she hasn’t done that in…I don’t know how long.
Asking, too…

MAES: Go ahead...
 

Synna rests her hand on her friend's, Maes slowly moving it to hold hers.

It’s warm.

SYNNA: I got you, okay?
SYNNA: I know we don't talk much outside of work these days, but-
MAES: I want to change that.
MAES: Really, I do.
SYNNA: Yeah, me too.
 

She gives their hand a squeeze, a slight smile coming to the karacel's face.

The silence is so much more bearable, Maes focusing on her hand, the tension easing up out of their body.

SYNNA: So...what big changes are we thinking here?
SYNNA: What's the goals?
 

God, of course she’s goal-oriented on this…
Probably wondering if she can get some metal grafted on me, hah….

MAES: ...I don't know, yet. Judgment's been using they pronouns for me for a little bit now in private, and it's been nice…
SYNNA: Gonna try to commit that to memory then, whack me if I screw up.
CHARON: It'd be nice if the folks working the big project could all get in on this too at some point.
CHARON: Feel they're a good crowd to let in on things.
SYNNA: Yeah, and they'll all be good about it, I think.
SYNNA: We screened the hell out of them.
 

Synna takes a moment to think, leaning back in her chair.

SYNNA: Grumpy's as far as we allow on the team.
CHARON: Honestly, I think it might be impactful for some people to see you taking those steps, Boss.
MAES: Impactful...
 

Maes squeezes Synna's hand a bit tighter, not even seeming to realize it.

MAES: I...get what you mean, and I appreciate it.
MAES: I just wish it didn't have to be that way.
CHARON: Think of the other cats, someone might resonate.
MAES: I know, I know-
MAES: ...I just don't want to be a role model.
MAES: I just want to be me.
CHARON: Then we can do that.
MAES: That's the thing, though- no matter what I do, I'm going to get put on some kind of pedestal, or under a spotlight...
MAES: I'm a public figure to the outside world, and my own siblings in the rehabilitation program don't...view me as that.
MAES: To them, I'm just the one that gets to be in charge.
CHARON: What do you want to be to your siblings?
MAES: ...it's embarrassing.
CHARON: It's okay.
MAES: ...
SYNNA:  Is it like...how it was when we were kids?
MAES: ...yes.
SYNNA: Do you want me to say it, then?
SYNNA: Would that, uh, help?
 

Maes nods, keeping their head lowered.

SYNNA: Alright, so....Maes really wanted to befriend the other maybecats.
SYNNA: Like, a lot,  especially after Mason and Mel were out of the picture.
SYNNA: But people pretty much saw them as siding with the enemy.
CHARON: So you want them to see you as one of them?
MAES: Mm...exactly that.
CHARON: Don't see why that can't be true- though I think you might have to just connect with people more directly at that point.
MAES: I want to, and maybe this will help, but I think as long as I'm in this position, it's going to be a problem.
MAES: I get to go to the surface, and they don't yet. The ones who stayed, they signed up for this, but it’s taken longer than anyone wants…
CHARON: Then promise them the surface.
MAES: I have. And...I think it does have an effect.
MAES: Maybe me being down there will too.
CHARON: I think so.
CHARON: From experience, leading at the same level as everyone else breaks a lot of the tension.
CHARON: Make it clear you're not much different.
MAES: There are...some significant differences, is one of the hard parts.
MAES: In some ways, I was spared a lot.
MAES: ...in exchange, I was more directly experimented on.
MAES: Some view this as favoritism, mainly because they weren't exposed to the actual events that happened- it wasn't knowledge spread around, not to the guards, not to the other scientists.
 

They shake their head, letting out another long sigh.

MAES: I suppose this is something for me to talk about in therapy, though.
MAES: Imagine that.
MAES: Me in therapy.
SYNNA: Never thought I'd see the day.
CHARON: You can consider me your therapy dog.
CHARON: I'll be with you the whole way.
SYNNA: Ughhhhh.
SYNNA: Don't flirt in front of me, please.
 

Her tone is light, Maes practically able to picture the grin on her face.

SYNNA: ...you being there for them is appreciated, though.
SYNNA: Guess I'll try to be as well.
MAES: ...about that...
 

Maes turns to Charon, tilting their head.

MAES: Would...it be okay if Synna joined us for dinner tonight?
MAES: I want to keep talking, but I'd rather do so in the comfort of our own apartment.
SYNNA: W-whoa, you don't gotta go out of your way for me-
CHARON: For a guest, I'll bring out the old knight's cookbook.
CHARON: Something refined but wild for such an occasion.
SYNNA: Cmon, don't treat me like a guest- I literally just eat microwave meals, I'm easy.
CHARON: Mm, I think a good roast with sauce might change your mind quickly.
CHARON: Maybe dessert if you stay a little longer.
MAES: He's not going to give up, Synna.
MAES: I've never seen him put the minimum effort into cooking.
SYNNA: ...alright, alright, pull my leg...of course I'll come over.
 

The grin on her face must get wider as she speaks, her voice carrying legitimate excitement.

SYNNA: But you better be serious about that dessert!

[skinstealer]

 [id: an image of maes resting their head on charon's lap, wearing one of the headset pieces for their therapy sessions. imagery and color palette work reminiscent of maybequest, using black, white, red, and an elevator door, looms behind them.]

 
MAES: ...Good afternoon.
 

Maes takes a seat on Papaya's couch, their posture straight.

PAPAYA: Afternoon doctor, you managing alright after last session?
PAPAYA: First time doing therapy according to your records.
MAES: It..went surprisingly well.
MAES: I didn't experience much in the way of flashbacks, and I was able to come out to Synna- my other close friend.
 

They turn to Charon for a moment, giving him a slight smile. Charon gives a pat on the shoulder in return, nice and gentle.

MAES: Judgment helped me through it, but she took it very well.
MAES: ...said she expected as much, really.
 

The construct’s voice carries a smile.

PAPAYA: Good to hear, I'm glad that worked out.
PAPAYA: Usually it takes a little longer than one session to get a result like this, you know?
PAPAYA: Be proud.
MAES: I'm guessing it won't be as easy going forward, though.
MAES: I see that last session as a test run, considering I didn't even delve into my history with things…
 

Here goes…

MAES: But today I'd like to try.
PAPAYA: Wonderful to hear!
PAPAYA: Do you have anything in mind?
MAES: I should probably start at the beginning, correct?
MAES: I know you've done some digging, but...
MAES: I'd rather you hear the story from my mouth.
PAPAYA: I'd prefer that honestly, if you don't mind.
MAES: ...let me think of where to start, then.
 

It’s fine. It’s going to be fine.
I can do this.

They visibly tense up, trying to collect themself.

I-
I’m scared-
It’s going to be fine, Charon’s here-

MAES: ...may I request something strange?
PAPAYA: Go ahead.
MAES: Can I rest my head on Judgment's lap, for this?
MAES: It's...something we do in our own time, when we're talking over things like this.
PAPAYA: Never seen this before but... worth a shot I suppose.
PAPAYA: He'll be applying the headset today as well, yes?
CHARON: Mm, it'd be easier that way for the Boss.
MAES: It's appreciated...I struggle with people touching my hair.
 

They scoot over, making room for Charon to sit with them. He doesn’t hesitate to get into position, giving Maes enough space to lay down.

They slowly ease onto his lap, giving him another grateful smile.

MAES: Thank you.
MAES: He's joked that he'll be my therapy dog before, so I may as well take him up on the offer.
 

Charon smiles right back, Papaya unable to help themself from laughing a little.

PAPAYA: I have a friend who's a literal therapist dog, so not the first time I've heard that from someone.
MAES: You can pass the headset over, then...I'll try to relax.
 

Payapa hands the piece over to Charon, the dog proceeding to apply the adhesive gently.

CHARON: Got you, Boss.
 

The room feels a little heavier than last session, the air conditioning harsh and the ambience colder.

Maes bristles at the sudden temperature change, but doesn't object.

It’s a few moments before they speak.

MAES: ...my mother was...simply put, a cultist.
MAES: I know you're from out of region, so I'm not sure how familiar you are with the greater god Spit, and her "religion".
MAES: She’s a greater god, focused on violence and vices…
MAES: Her entire zone controlled as a fascist state under her immortal rule.
MAES: My mother went beyond just following, though- she was high ranked in the cult, one of Spit's two demons, even...and the one held in high esteem.
MAES: Spit gave her all the money she wanted to build this place, and in turn, she started the Devil's Advocacy project.
 

In response to that, there’s the sudden sound of large vats and tubes bubbling in the room, surrounding the three of them. Indistinguishable chatter echoes against the walls, reminiscent of discussion between staff.

PAPAYA: The project that...?
MAES: The project that created the residents you'll be treating, yes.
MAES: ...and myself.
PAPAYA: What was her treatment of people like during this?
PAPAYA: Your experiences and others.
MAES: That's...
 

They have to steel themself, struggling to find the words.

MAES: It was different for me and my two close siblings than the others.
MAES: The three of us were considered "candidates"- selected for the project's success.
MAES: We were to be Spit’s future demons, should we succeed.
MAES: Engineered to be just what she wanted.
MAES: The perfect servants.
 

The words stick in Maes’ throat.

MAES: Everyone else was considered a reject, and was either culled right away, or stuck waiting for their number to come up, either years down the line or after being put through horrible tests and fights to the death against each other.
MAES: ...I'm sorry, I know this is a lot.
PAPAYA: I was able to find out a little bit of this from asking around, I just hoped it wasn't as awful as it sounded.
MAES: It's...probably worse.
MAES: For the safety of the residents, I've been trying to keep information limited.
MAES: ...We want to go public, at some point.
MAES: We have documents to back up all of our claims, as well as the names and addresses of all of the contacts involved in the project.
MAES: It's my best shot at justice, but...
MAES: I want the residents to have some time to prepare for that.
MAES: For being under a spotlight.
PAPAYA: Mm.. I can understand.
PAPAYA: From what it seems, plenty of people have never even been outside before.
MAES: Almost all of them, in fact.
MAES: I only just recently, within the past few months, ventured out of the lab myself.
MAES: It's a terrifying prospect for some, though many are enthusiastic about trying when they're further along in their recovery.
PAPAYA: What was it like for you finally going outside?
 

The room begins to shift slightly, the sensation of sunlight felt on Maes’ skin. The warm and gentle air is unlike anything within the usual confines of the lab, something still new to them.

MAES: ...Judgment and I went on a date.
MAES: He took me clothes shopping- we picked out things for both of us.
MAES: Before then, I would wear the same thing, every day...but he encouraged me to branch out, and helped me pick out colors that I knew I'd like.
MAES: We went out to eat, after...my first time eating at a restaurant.
MAES: We'd ordered in before, but it was so new, being around other people like that.
MAES: I wasn't recognized, or if I was, no one said anything.
MAES: It was like...I was just another person.
 

The ambiance of being at a shopping center in the evening fills the room. Light sounds of crowds enjoying themselves and the smell of a food court, pleasant to Maes’ ears.

PAPAYA: And now you're hoping to give the others the chance of that too, to have their time to enjoy the surface.
MAES: That's the goal, yes...
 

They pause for a moment.

MAES: That was the first time Judgment and I talked about gender, too.
MAES: In that restaurant.
PAPAYA: What prompted it?
MAES: It came up during the clothes shopping, but I held off until then to actually talk about it.
MAES: ...my brother, Mason....he was trans, knew it even from a very young age.
MAES: Absolutely hated being called a girl, being dressed up in the clothes our mother picked out...I wanted to go into that, even if I hadn't figured out my own situation yet.
PAPAYA: Right.
PAPAYA: I'm guessing you found a good opportunity to change things up?
MAES: It's hard to say how much my change of clothes weighed in on my gender in that moment, but...
MAES: It felt like...
MAES: I don't know.
MAES:  When I figured out my pronouns and started dressing in ways that made me feel better about the way I present myself, it was like-
MAES: I thought Mason and Melanie would be proud of me.
PAPAYA: You're free from that now, you get to make the choices in your life you couldn't before.
MAES: ...I wish they got the option to.
PAPAYA: Mm....
 

Papaya pauses to think of how to continue from there.

PAPAYA: Were you three pretty close?
PAPAYA: Sounds like it.
MAES: As much as we could be.
MAES: We were supposed to be competing against each other, but none of us wanted to.
MAES: We just wanted to be friends.
PAPAYA: Mm... your mother made you compete?
MAES: Often...we were also put through our own individualized tests, and those varied based on our mutations.
MAES: For Mel, it was regeneration, for me, it was poison digestion, for Mason...
 

They grimace.

MAES: His body would overproduce internal fluid, most often in response to injury.
MAES: His tests revolved around testing what caused that excess blood production.
PAPAYA: ...Is this topic getting too heavy for you right now?
PAPAYA: I think it's worth diving into but I don't want to push you harder than you're ready for.
MAES: No, I'm...I've been thinking a lot about them lately...especially Mason, considering the gender thing.
PAPAYA: Then continue?
MAES: ...Mason was picked on a lot, by our mother.
MAES: The fact that he refused to be called her daughter pissed her off more than almost anything, and even with him so young...she treated him like a criminal.
MAES: He only lived to be around five years old.
MAES: Nearly six, if a few more months passed.
MAES: Not even enough time to really figure himself out, or to have any life experiences outside of being punished.
MAES: Maybe it's...I don't know, maybe it's disrespectful to think that me going forward with this is paying him any kind of tribute, but that comes to mind, sometimes.
PAPAYA: I think you're fair to call it tribute.
PAPAYA: As hard as it is to think of it, living life for someone who isn't there anymore is its own value.
MAES: Thank you...
PAPAYA: There's a lot in you still being here after all that, don't ever downplay yourself.
MAES: Mm…
 

They let themself rest their head in Charon's lap for a few moments, taking some time to breathe.

Charon: Take your time, you’ve got this.
MAES: Thank you…
 

They turn to Papaya again.

MAES: ...may I talk a little bit more about that?
MAES: About what happened to him?
PAPAYA: Mmhmm.
PAPAYA: At your pace.    
 

The comfort of the mall fizzles away as the room twists homeward, back to the labs. The familiarity of old bedrooms and childhood belongings on the floor contrasted against the daunting nature of the twisted chambers where experiments were held.

MAES: The last day we had together was out of the ordinary- in every possible way.
MAES: There was an escape attempt by a maybecat and some of the staff, and they managed to find Melanie.
MAES: With her being as sweet as she was, there was no question that they'd try to rescue her- but she wouldn't go without Mason and I.
PAPAYA: ...What happened from there?
MAES: They found us and broke us out of our tests.
MAES: Mason and I didn't need any convincing, and even though we both loved our mother- we knew that things were getting bad.
MAES: Melanie was less aware of anything that was going on, there...but she also knew that Mason especially needed to get out.
MAES: We headed out.
MAES: The group protected us even during a horrible fight with Spit's other demon, and it looked like we were going to actually get out.
PAPAYA: What stopped it?
MAES: When we got to the elevator going up to the surface-
MAES: Our mother found us, and hijacked the controls.
MAES: She told us that she was going to take Melanie and I back- and leave Mason for dead.
MAES: Nearly crashed the elevator in order to disorient people, got the two of us back, and let the thing fall the rest of the way.
MAES: A day later, she told us the lot of them had been eaten by the horrors in the pit they crashed into.
PAPAYA: The elevator goes that deep?
MAES: That one did, yes.
MAES: With it crashed...there's no way they could have gotten out.
MAES: I may have never seen a body, but there's logistically no way.
PAPAYA: I'm sorry.
MAES: It's...
 

Their voice stops in their throat before they can get out an "okay".

PAPAYA: Out of curiosity, do you blame yourself at all for it?
MAES: ...no.
MAES: I know whose fault it was.
MAES: I was five years old as well, I couldn't have done a thing to stop it.
MAES: But that makes it worse, honestly.
PAPAYA: Mm... at that age it becomes a formative memory.
MAES: Not only that, but the cruelty and unfairness of it all overwhelms me.
PAPAYA: There's certainly guilt left over from surviving as much as you did, I think.
PAPAYA: It's clear you take a lot of the workload because you're trying to help others heal.. but it's good to remember to let yourself recover too.
MAES: ...that's very true, yes.
MAES: Being the only survivor of the three of us, and even just...
MAES: ...there were over twenty thousand maybecats made in this project.
MAES: 60 years, twenty thousand lives.
MAES: We only have two hundred residents left.
PAPAYA: I hope that I can prove myself a worthy contributor.
PAPAYA: I think everyone deserves better than what they've been handed.
 

That seems to snap them out of their potential spiral, the karacel nodding.

MAES: I think so too.
MAES: Having you here does help the worry- you've been handling this kind of information better than I expected.
PAPAYA: I've... been through plenty myself, not to derail your session.
PAPAYA: Took this job because I wanted to see people who shared that trauma find their way.
MAES: I think I'm reaching my limits for today anyway...
PAPAYA: Want to start the deescalation?
MAES: Yes, please.
 

The environment restores to its neutral state, slowly but surely. A final hiss can be heard as it reverts back into a giant blank.

PAPAYA: I'm impressed with much you were willing to talk about today, had clients who've taken me years to finally open up that much.
MAES: ...to be blunt, this is just the surface of what we're getting into, Papaya.
MAES: While this isn't insignificant to me, we have a lot more to cover and a lot of it gets worse from here.
PAPAYA: Then I'll just have to continue to put in only my best, no?
MAES: If you want to see the other residents, you better.
 

The slightest smile twitches at the corner of their lips, something Papaya hopefully returns.

PAPAYA: Get some rest tonight, you and Judgment should find something nice to do to cool off together.
PAPAYA: I have ideas for our next session and preparations to make.
MAES: Thank you. Again.
 

They slowly sit up, stretching out.

MAES: And thank you, Judgment, for being a good therapy dog.
CHARON: Glad to be of service.
CHARON: Shall we head out?
MAES: Mm. I want to head home...
 

They take Charon's arm in one of their own, expanding their white cane in the other.

MAES: Have a good rest of your day, Papaya.
PAPAYA: The same to you, doctor, see you soon.

[skinstealer]

[id: maes and charon giving each other fond, loving expressions, set in maes' apartment with warm mood lighting]

 
MAES: ...thank you for being there, today.
 

Maes had been quiet their entire trip back to the apartment them and Charon shared, not saying much aside from the occasional noise of reassurance that they were okay. Getting inside filled the karacel with a very welcome feeling of relief, but still, the tension remained.

It’s been months since he’s moved in, and I still struggle with knowing what to say…

CHARON: Of course, as always.
MAES: It means a lot.
MAES: I've said as much, but...I just want to make sure you know.
 

They set their coat down on the back of their armchair, starting to get out of their shoes and over-garments.

MAES: We have some time before dinner, right?

The dog’s already flopped onto the bed, Maes pausing to listen to the sounds of him getting comfortable.

CHARON: A good bit, yes.
CHARON: And I assure you, I don't feel unappreciated.
MAES: I'm glad.
MAES: You know how important that is to me.
 

They sit on the edge of the bed, reaching over and feeling for him, rubbing their hand against his leg once they find it.

MAES: I know we've been over a lot of what you're hearing in the sessions, but it's hard recounting them to someone else, and having you there to back me up helps.
CHARON: I'm proud of you for going through this.
CHARON: I know you've been reluctant in the past.
MAES: The first session was...well…
MAES: It was difficult, even if I dodged anything to do with the heavier aspects of my whole… gender, thing, and the journey figuring it out.
MAES: But...
MAES: ...today I still feel...raw.
 

That tense feeling builds in their chest again.

MAES: Even if it was still just the surface level.
MAES: I know I have to tell people publicly, eventually.
MAES: I have to make it a huge mess that'll probably smear our facility's reputation, and impact how much we're able to help people.
MAES: But even just saying the project existed to another person, even if I know they'll keep it confidential...
MAES: It still hasn't gotten easier.
CHARON: I think when the time comes, clarity is going to be crucial.
CHARON: You make it known who did it, who was impacted, what you plan to do to help those who endured it, and what steps have been made.
CHARON: The initial blow will be rough, but you can soften it.
MAES: So many people are going to have questions, and I can't prepare for all of them.
MAES: How can I?
 

There’s a pause as Charon thinks things over.

CHARON: For starters, you avoid situations where the press mobs you.
CHARON: Set up interviews proactively, in environments where you won't be bombarded with questions en masse.
MAES: Mmm...no big press releases then.
MAES: Or, at the very least, ones where I won't get as easily attacked and swarmed.
CHARON: Mm.
CHARON: We give the press the details but limit any opportunity for confusion or scramble.
MAES: I still want time, before I decide to go for it.
MAES: I need to go through this whole therapeutic test process and, if possible, have some kind of cursory overview for the residents about what this entails for them.
CHARON: In general, we want to make sure that those living here won't be heckled before any sort of public release of information happens.
MAES: Mm...as best as we can.

They lay back onto the bed with a sigh, scooting their body back to be closer to him.

I want…his comfort right now.
I want him to ease all this pain away…

MAES: Is it normal to feel this drained after this?
CHARON: Sometimes, if you had a hard session for sure.
MAES: I barely dove in...
CHARON: You've never done it like this before.
MAES: ...is it normal to be scared, then?
CHARON: Wouldn't blame you.
MAES: ...mm.
CHARON: What part of it has you?
MAES: It's hard to say what specifically, just...
 

They lay their head on his shoulder, nuzzling in.

MAES: I can't get this feeling of dread out, knowing it's going to get harder.
CHARON: I can't say it won't.
CHARON: But it will get better in the end.
MAES: You really think so?
MAES: I know I can't back out either way, but...
CHARON: I think it'll pay off. You just need to give it the proper time.
MAES: ...okay. I'll...try.
 

...on second thought, I could probably use a bit more than just gentle comfort…

MAES: ...can you help me get my mind off this, now?
 

Charon pulls them in for a hug, the karacel snuggling up with a soft purr.

That’s just right…

CHARON: What can I do for you?
MAES: Anything, as long as it calms me down.
CHARON: Let me hold you for a bit then, talk about something else for a while.
MAES: Backrub included?
CHARON: Consider it done.
CHARON: Scoot a bit.
 

They roll over, the back of their shell completely tense to the touch. Charon presses his hands down gently, trying to scope things out.

CHARON: You're stressed.
MAES: Hmm, I wonder why.
CHARON: I wouldn't worry much.
CHARON: Nothing I can't fix.
MAES: Fix away, then...
 

A small smile creeps onto their face, anticipating his touch. He pushes down against a particularly sensitive point, enough to be felt even through all the tension.

A little noise escapes, Maes immediately burying their face. It wasn’t an uncommon reaction for them during these massages, the karacel unable to keep their voice down when he got just the right spots.

CHARON: You okay?
MAES: ...yes.
CHARON: Want me to continue?
MAES: Yes, please.
 

He continues on, doing his best to loosen their muscles up.

CHARON: I've got you.
 

They make sure to press their face into the blankets to keep from making more little sounds, feeling more than a little embarrassed and...flustered.

The fact that this does this to me half of the time…
I’m sure he wouldn’t mind going a bit further…it’s not like we don’t do this kind of thing all the time.
One thing leading to another…

CHARON: How's it feel?
MAES: Mmmgh.
CHARON: Practically melting.
MAES: Someday I'll get you back...
CHARON: I'm waiting for it.
MAES: Perhaps after this we could experiment.
CHARON: Have some ideas cooking up?
 

Good, he’s up for it..

MAES: Maybe...you do deserve a reward for helping me so much lately outside of work.
CHARON: A reward? You have to tell me.
 

But…would he be up for that?

MAES: ...you mentioned being willing to try some things related to my gender mess after Synna was over.
MAES: I had to think on it, but…
 

It wasn’t as if Maes had never thought about it before. They had read and listened to countless books about slime-based anatomy, even if their appearance was that of a near-completely normal karacel on the outside. Shifting certain aspects of one’s body was very possible…

CHARON: Mm.. I think I get where you're going at.
MAES: ...would that be enjoyable for you, though?
CHARON: Why wouldn't it be?
MAES: It's not exactly something we've tried, and I'm- well, admittedly I'm self conscious.
MAES: I've never really indulged in changing my body's anatomy before, even though I've known it's often a part of the very culture of people like myself, what with the slime basis...
CHARON: It's seen as a bit of a gift by some, from what I can tell.
CHARON: Considering changing things around?
MAES: Just...a little. To try.
CHARON: Wouldn't be opposed at all.
MAES: Then...I'd like to try.

[skinstealer]

[image id: a younger maes is standing in front of a backdrop of stars, planets, and galaxies, all with a retro pulp styling. their back is to the camera.]

MAES: Good afternoon, Papaya.
 

Maes looks a bit more optimistic this week as they take their seat, leaving Charon room for his spot. The dog in question scoots into position and gives the construct a small wave.

Papaya sets aside their paperwork, audibly shuffling.

PAPAYA: Made it right on the minute.
PAPAYA: How are you doing after our last session?
MAES: It was...admittedly rough. I struggled for the first few days.
PAPAYA: Seemed like it was, what ended up happening exactly?
MAES: Flashbacks and nightmares, mainly.
MAES: Judgment was here to help the entire time, and we talked through it when we could.
 

They reach over to take Charon’s hand.

MAES: After some time passed, it got easier.
MAES: I started to feel a little more confident about things- even if the prospect of opening up in the eventual future about the lab on a public level is still terrifying-
MAES: I feel like...these sessions are going to help me figure out how to phrase things.
PAPAYA: Really hope so, worst thing would be to put you through revisiting trauma for nothing.
MAES: At first, I was worried that's what this would be.
MAES: I'm glad to see I was wrong.
PAPAYA: Mm... I try to keep things safe for the sake of everyone involved.
MAES: I'd still like to take today a little slower, if that's alright.
MAES: I've got another topic in mind, but it definitely has a more positive modern result to it.
PAPAYA: Of course, what are you thinking about tackling?
MAES: I've mentioned my friend Synna before...I'd like to talk about that, especially since we've been reconnecting more lately.
PAPAYA: Mm, the pockitt working in robotics?
MAES: Have you met her yet?
PAPAYA: We talked a little during lunch. Continue?
MAES: Let's put the headset on first.
PAPAYA: Mm, Charon?
CHARON: Of course.
 

The dog gently applies the adhesive onto Maes's temples.

Maes takes a deep breath.

You’ve done good so far. Just keep going.
This is a lighter one.

MAES: We met not long after Melanie's passing.
 

The room shifts toward a fairly neutral state, conditions evocative of the lower parts of the lab.

PAPAYA: Mm.... known each other a long time, then.
MAES: We were just children, both of us.
MAES: Pockitts were often "chosen" to be trained and work as staff- similarly to the karacels that were obtained and engineered for the Devil's Advocacy project.
PAPAYA: Specifically pockitts?
MAES: There were some exceptions here and there, but that became the main focus, especially when Anya was able to create her own identical ones in the lab.
MAES: ...like fodder to her.
MAES: Something about symbolizing Spit eating the god who made pockitts, though I’ve been…reluctant to dig into her personal “lore”, that she followed.
MAES: Synna was one of the last ones to be obtained from an orphanage, instead of one of the engineered pockitts.
 

Papaya lets out a long sigh.

PAPAYA: Can I be honest, quickly?
PAPAYA: Finding it increasingly difficult to stay polite when Anya comes up.
PAPAYA: I may get blunt about her at some point.
MAES: Please, don't hold back.
 

The corner of their mouth briefly twitches up.

MAES: If anything, it'd make me feel more at ease.
PAPAYA: She sucks, and everything about her makes me wince.
MAES: I unfortunately don't have anything that'll improve that opinion.
PAPAYA: I don't think you could.
PAPAYA: You could tell me she built twenty orphanages and that still wouldn't be enough.
MAES: If she built any, they'd be for her own purposes more than anything.
 

They lean back, giving a sigh of their own.

MAES: Synna was young, though.
MAES: Too young to remember anything from before the lab, and we met when we were just barely teenagers.
MAES: This was all either of us knew- and she was set to become my "assistant", according to my mother.
PAPAYA: So what happened from there?
MAES: She was tasked with helping me with my duties as a student and surgeon in training.
MAES: With Melanie gone, it was set in stone that I'd be trained as my mother's successor.
PAPAYA: Taking charge of the lab.
MAES: Yes.
MAES: Many have accused me of obtaining this position through nepotism, which...is...true, I suppose, but it was never a role I particularly wanted.
PAPAYA: It isn't an easy one from the sound of things.
MAES: It's more one I take out of necessity than anything else.
PAPAYA: Is that why you're the one testing this process first too?
MAES: Very much so.
PAPAYA: I think that speaks volumes about how you operate then.
PAPAYA: Have to respect that.
MAES: It's...appreciated.
PAPAYA: Continue, though?
MAES: ...we met when we were young, as I said.
MAES: She was my study partner and picked up a lot of things about bodies and anatomy while working together, which is part of what got her interested in assistive technology.
PAPAYA: What did you end up doing together?
PAPAYA: Both professionally and socially.
MAES: Professionally, a lot of research.
MAES: She helped me keep my numbers straight, and helped me memorize things.
MAES: ...sometimes, it felt like she was even better at it than I was.
 

They can't help but smile, just a little.

MAES: Socially, we made up stories together.
PAPAYA: What kind of stories?
MAES: Science-based ones, mostly.
MAES: It's what we had to work with.
PAPAYA: How would the process work?
MAES: Well, I was...not very good at character writing.
MAES: So she'd handle that part- I'd handle more overarching stories and details about the world...I really liked getting granular with it.
 

Charon can’t help but chime in.

CHARON: You've never mentioned this before, how come?
MAES: I-!
MAES: I guess I haven't really thought about it in years…
CHARON: You should tell me about it.
MAES: ...are you sure?
MAES: They were just silly kids' stories…
CHARON: I'll trade with you.
MAES: ...you made your own?
CHARON: Mm.
MAES: After the session, then.
 

There’s the faintest hint of excitement on their face.

CHARON: Of course, sorry to interrupt.
MAES: No, it's...thank you.
MAES: Having you say you're interested makes me feel a bit more confident...
CHARON: I'm glad, looking forward to talking more tonight.
 

Maes gives him a pleased nod before turning back to Papaya.

MAES: Synna would make characters for us- usually ones based on whatever comics she could bribe the other staff members to give her.
PAPAYA: What kind of comics?
MAES: Stuff about robots, aliens, space…
PAPAYA: Sci-fi concepts... and now you both make those real.
MAES: ...the robotic part, anyway.
PAPAYA: Robots sound fake.
MAES: You're-
 

Maes can't help but smile more.

MAES: Very funny.
MAES: ...I just wish she didn't have to go through as much as she did when working with me, though her fate probably would have been worse otherwise.
PAPAYA: Does she do anything to take care of her psychiatric needs?
PAPAYA: Sounds like she has her own fair share of traumatic history too.
MAES: I think she has...some kind of online thing?
MAES: ...Possibly medicated as well.
MAES: We haven't really talked much about it.
PAPAYA: Mm, it's good that she's doing something.
PAPAYA: It can be hard to seek it out.
MAES: She's...happy I'm here. And doing this.
MAES: Almost didn't believe me at first.
PAPAYA: You should give yourself credit for taking the leap. It's understandable.
MAES: It's...
MAES: If I can be helped by this, so can the others.
PAPAYA: That's the whole point of testing this after all.
MAES: It's not as relevant to helping the residents, but...I...would like to help mend things with Synna, as well.
MAES: I don't know if it's something we could take on here, but-
PAPAYA: We can still talk about strategies you can use to improve things.
MAES: ...let's do that, for a bit, then.
 

They smile again, this time less restrained.

MAES: I miss her.
MAES: And I want to get back to being her friend.

[skinstealer]

[image id: a karacel standing boldly in a retro-inspired spacesuit, complete with bubble helmet and tight bodysuit. her figure is curvy and exaggerated, and the entire piece has a comic-like feel.]

 

SYNNA: You're up late.
 

Maes can tell without seeing that Synna hasn't looked up to address her, a memory of her hunched over textbooks as a teenager coming to mind.

She's always been like that. Buried in her work.

They had never minded, at least.

MAES: I wanted to come visit.
MAES: Are you working overtime?
SYNNA: Not exactly...
 

Her chair creaks as she leans back, finally turning to face Maes.

SYNNA: Got another one of those model kits.
MAES: ...the little robot ones?
SYNNA: Yeah. The kind with all of the pieces you gotta punch out and put together.
SYNNA: I figured I could take on the next level of difficulty assembling these things, but this sucker's giving me trouble.
MAES: Maybe it's time for a break, then.
SYNNA: Yeah, yeah...
 

There's a smile to her voice, something that makes Maes feel a little warm inside.

SYNNA: Your chair's where it usually is. You can sit.
MAES: Thank you.
 

"Their" chair sat a few feet away, pushed against the wall. It wasn't a particularly comfortable chair, but Synna had put in a cushion years ago, and even now, as they sit down on it-

It still fits my shape.

MAES: You really kept this old thing.
SYNNA: Guess I always wanted you to swing by again.
SYNNA: Even when you pissed me off.
 

Maes lets out a noise halfway between a sigh and a laugh.

MAES: I guess we did our fair share of pissing each other off as adults, didn't we?
SYNNA: Teens, too. But when we got up here, it...it was different.
SYNNA: Dunno how to explain it.
 

I never meant to-
It wasn’t intentional, but…

MAES: ...me neither.
MAES: But I'm glad to be here.
SYNNA: You're just saying that, I know for a fact that chair is brutal on your ass.
MAES: Well, you could always replace it.
SYNNA: Nah, it's sentimental.
SYNNA: ...but if you were to swing by more...
MAES: I can try to arrange that.
 

There's a comfortable silence between the two of them, Synna's chair creaking more as she rocks back and forth- another familiar tendency to Maes. Sometimes it meant she was nervous, sometimes it just meant she was thinking.

MAES: Something on your mind?
SYNNA: Guess I'm just trying to process that we're like...hanging out again.
SYNNA: Trying to be friends proper. Like old times.
MAES: About that...
MAES: I...actually talked about old times with Papaya today.
MAES: About us being friends.
SYNNA: No shit, really?
MAES: Mhm.
SYNNA: How'd that go?
MAES: They think that it'd be good for me to swing by more and talk over things...
MAES: Not...just serious things.
MAES: I-it actually, ah-
MAES: It came up that we used to make those stories t-together-

The chair creaks hard, Synna leaning way forward in it.

SYNNA: No way, you actually remember those?
SYNNA: Dude, you haven't brought that up in like-
SYNNA: In ages!
MAES: Y-yes, well...
MAES: I thought about them today. And both Charon and Papaya think I should mess with them again.
MAES: With you.
 

Synna's quiet for a moment.

Oh god, did I offer too much?
Is she- did I offend her somehow?
What if she doesn't want to-

SYNNA: Damn.
SYNNA: Fuck my little robot guy, we're messing with this now.
MAES: H-hold on-
 

There’s the sound of Synna shuffling plastic parts into a box, Maes’ ears flopping in surprise.

Oh god, she’s jumping right into it-!

SYNNA: Nope, you've opened a box you can't shut so easy.
SYNNA: You have any idea how much I miss working with Nebula? That character, was like-
SYNNA: She was so important to me, dude!
SYNNA: ...she was important to both of us.
SYNNA: And...
SYNNA: It never felt right to scribble anything down about her again without you.
SYNNA: You just handed me the keys to the fucking kingdom, man.
 

Their growing stress over the sudden plan change freezes in its tracks, Maes processing Synna’s words slowly.

MAES: I had...no idea you still thought about it. About her.
MAES: You could have said something…
 

There’s a moment of silence aside from the robot pieces being put away, the box being slid into some kind of shelf.

When Synna speaks, it’s with some heaviness in her voice.

SYNNA: You were so busy, Maes.
SYNNA: If I was hesitant to even invite you over to watch a movie together, you think I'd ask to do something I thought you lost interest in entirely?
 

The words sting deep in Maes' chest, and they can tell Synna's bothered by their pained expression.

SYNNA: I'm- I'm not meaning to get on your case.
SYNNA: It's just-
SYNNA: This is a huge deal for me. Getting back to this.
SYNNA: You're really serious about like-
SYNNA: Even just talking about those stories?
MAES: ...I am.
MAES: I talked about Neb to Charon earlier, just to see what he thought...
MAES: ...he was really enthusiastic about it. Even my parts.
SYNNA: I mean, your parts are what made the whole thing work.
SYNNA: I just wanted to write some stupid horny stories about a space traveler, but you-
SYNNA: You designed all of the planets! The aliens!
SYNNA: You made the world!
MAES: M-maybe...
SYNNA: No maybe about it, you were the mastermind behind the lore.
MAES: But...
MAES: Nebula only held up because you were so good at writing her...
MAES: I still can't write characters for anything.
MAES: I just...can't get a grasp on how people work.
MAES: You've always been better at that.
 

Synna thinks for a moment, tapping a pen against her desk.

SYNNA: More reason for us to work together, right?
SYNNA: I've still got whatever notes I could save from back then...
SYNNA: ....
SYNNA: Even translated some to touch script when I had some time.
 

Maes' ears perk right up.

MAES: You did?
MAES: Could I-?
SYNNA: Hell yes.
 

Rifling through file cabinets, Synna grumbling as she tries to find the right folders.

SYNNA: There we go.
SYNNA: Handing it over.
 

The folder's placed in Maes' hand, the karacel feeling the label with their claws.

A GALACTIC ADVENTURE

They can't help but smile.

SYNNA: Yeah, it's pulling you back in, I can tell.
MAES: I haven't even read it yet.
SYNNA: But you've got the look. You're thinking up alllll kinds of ideas.
MAES: Maybe.
SYNNA: Go on, then.
SYNNA: Just make sure to tell me what you're thinking.
 

Maes nods, slowly opening the folder and letting their fingers glide.

Nebula, a brave and beautiful space traveller....

[skinstealer]

[image id: a memory of holding the scarred hand of a now deceased relative. the background is torn in texture and splattered with stains like blood spilled against shards of broken glass.]

MAES: ...morning, Papaya.
PAPAYA: Good morning, on time as always.
MAES: Mm.
 

Maes crosses their legs and sets their hands in their lap, looking...oddly distant.

I have to take this on today.
My mind won’t let me fucking sleep until I do.
I have to do this.
It’ll be.
It’ll be fine.

PAPAYA: ...Have anything in mind for our session today?
MAES: Yes, but...
PAPAYA: Mm?
MAES: It's...a bit beyond what we've talked about so far.
PAPAYA: Harder subject?
MAES: Very.
MAES: But...it's been getting to me this week.
MAES: I’ve been having nightmares, and I feel like they won't go away until I address it.
PAPAYA: Mm.. Is there anything you want with you before our session starts?
PAPAYA: It sounds like you need that.
MAES: Judgment here, obviously...could I rest on his lap again?
PAPAYA: Mmhmm.
CHARON: Of course, Boss.
 

They let out a long exhale as they settled onto his lap, clasping their hands together.

MAES: Okay.
MAES: Is there any topic I should outright avoid?
 

From the sound of Papaya’s next words, they’re concerned.

PAPAYA: What do you mean by that?
 

Here goes…

MAES: Just...it involves my sister's death.
MAES: Everything that lead up to it, the event itself, the aftermath...
PAPAYA: You're allowed to talk about anything, this is your time.
 

Another deep breath.

MAES: ...let's put the headset on, then.
 

There’s the sound of Papaya rustling with the headset, handing it over to Charon.

PAPAYA: Can you handle this Mr. Judgment?
CHARON: Of course.
 

The dog carefully places the first sticky piece on Maes.

CHARON: Going to be okay, Boss?
MAES: I...hope so.
MAES: I'm in good hands, at least.
 

Maes can hear Papaya make an appreciative sound, causing the karacel to smile, albeit strained, in turn.

Charon finishes up with the headset, giving his partner a little pat on the shoulder.

They unclasp their hands and reach one over for him to hold.

He holds on.

CHARON: You've talked about this before, you have this.
MAES: I know.
 

They close their eyes.

They’ve already listened to so much.
I-
I don’t want to be too stressful to work with-
I don’t want to be too much.

…but I have to keep going.

MAES: After Mason died, Mel and I became...very close.
MAES: She didn't remember anything from the escape attempt, aside from small bits and pieces.
MAES: Things like asking me where some of the people we traveled with went, and I never knew what to say.
MAES: ...I lied to her, often, with that.

The room shifts back, the air reminiscent of rooms and chambers from childhood. Whispers filled their ears, akin to the ones of various staff and interns afraid of invoking familiar wrath. Secret conversations of days of old echoed faintly.

Maes tenses up at the change, gripping Charon's hand.

MAES: She...never picked up on the fact that what I was saying was untrue, that I was hiding things to protect her.
MAES: I realize now that it was a condition, some kind of degradation over time- both physical and mental.
 

They still remember her smile, the pleasant expression of someone who didn’t realize she was being lied to.

MAES: I still feel guilty.
PAPAYA: Was it from the experimentation?
MAES: A side effect, yes.
MAES: For all our mother's testing, she never actually deduced what it was.
MAES: It was useful to her, after all.
MAES: Her usage of Mel's memory issues were deliberate- anything particularly momentous emotionally was just...erased from Mel's head, making her memories mostly be gently pleasant things.
MAES: Some moments of sadness broke through- but she was easily quelled.
MAES: It made her obedient, and up until her death, she was considered the perfect candidate for our mother's plans.

The echoes of the room shifts, dreadful footsteps through the hall leaking in, the chamber tightening its grip around them.

MAES: ...I think our mother wanted me to envy her, that she was getting "special treatment" that I should strive for.
 

The increasingly elaborate dresses, the bows, the frills-

MAES: But all it did was make me feel more sick.
PAPAYA: Did you at any point?
MAES: No.
MAES: Our mother's idea of special treatment, at best case, involved clothing that'd make me uncomfortable, especially regarding the terms that came with them.
PAPAYA: Likely contributed immensely to your feelings on gender today.
MAES: That's my thought on it as well, yes...
MAES: Most of the time though, getting a "reward" consisted of being taught something horrible about the job we were made for.
MAES: Melanie never grasped the full concept of it all, but retained enough of the language and terminology to parrot back things in conversation.
MAES: I hate it.
 

They spit the words out.

MAES: I hate that she was used at all, but especially used in that way.
PAPAYA: Terrible. Nobody should be treated as a tool like that.
MAES: Charon helped me track down her condition once we had more information from my mother's notes...
MAES: There's an extremely high track record of people being abused, in that situation.
MAES: Taking advantage of what's effectively comparable to brain damage and physical atrophy, even in species that don't have typical brain structures or muscles to begin with.
MAES: ...the more I learn, the more it makes me feel angry, even more so than dealing with the things I directly faced.
MAES: She didn't deserve that.
MAES: No one does.
 

The conditions of the room become increasingly turbulent, a strong gust of air whipping through Maes’ hair.

PAPAYA: You're allowed to be angry, that kind of mistreatment is immensely traumatic.
MAES: ...she was just a kid, you know?
MAES: We all were, but...
MAES: Even up until the end, when she could barely remember what was happening to her minute to minute, she was so happy to be alive, always wanting to please her mother.
MAES: Always wanting to make me smile.
PAPAYA: Never had the chance to know better.
MAES: Never.
 

A choke slips into their voice.

Charon squeezes their hand for comfort, Maes gripping it tight.

There’s a distinct crackle to the room now, one that would make anyone reconsider moving from the safety of their chair.

Papaya chimes in.

PAPAYA: You're looking quite tense, do you need a break yet?
MAES: If I take a break now, it feels like I'll never want to bring it up again.
PAPAYA: Then you're planning to push through?
MAES: It can't be any worse than the event itself.
PAPAYA: It's safe but... I'm checking in before we go any further.
MAES: Go ahead, then.
MAES: Check away.
PAPAYA: The room itself cannot hurt you, but it will play with your feelings.
PAPAYA: It will expose you in a controlled dose to your past but you will confront those memories.
PAPAYA: You can ask to return to a neutral state if it's too much.
PAPAYA: Are we clear on that before we continue?
MAES: I understand.
PAPAYA: Tell me more, then.
MAES: ...I mentioned the testing path Mel was on in one of our first sessions.
MAES: Regeneration.
PAPAYA: Mm.
MAES: She could regenerate any part of her body, no matter how injured it was.
MAES: ...almost anything.
PAPAYA: Did Anya....?
MAES: Nearly every two weeks, part of her was taken.
MAES: A lot of repeated cases, just to make sure enough data was collected...and every time, it would go well.
MAES: It never phased her, and even as the testing grew more extreme, she faced it with a smile.
PAPAYA: But..?
MAES: ...Our mother wanted to go further.
MAES: One last test.
 

Fragments of Anya’s voice start to rise up all around them, incomprehensible but distinctly hers.

Maes' hair stands on end, but they press forward, as if their life depends on it.

MAES: There was one thing she couldn't obtain, even as Spit's demon- the ability to bring back the dead.
MAES: She knew that the head was the closest thing to a vital point that people like us- those full of slime in lieu of organs- have.
MAES: Some species can survive without their heads, but all of the other maybecats who went under testing died as soon as decapitation happened.
MAES: It's...some kind of symbolic weak point, for a lot of species.
MAES: No one knows why it happens.
PAPAYA: She tried to resurrect her?
MAES: ...it didn't work.
MAES: Even though she had all the right tools at her disposal, all of the knowledge...it didn't work.
MAES: All of her effort, wasted in her eyes.
PAPAYA: Shouldn't have tried.
PAPAYA: Nobody's gotten perfect resurrection down, even just getting a body to breath again's a whole mess.
PAPAYA: Just cruel at that point.
MAES: ...Melanie wasn't really cognizant enough to register any pain, at least.
MAES: It was quick.
MAES: That's better than any of the other ways we could have gone out at our mother's hands.
MAES: ...cold comforts.
 

The voices all stop.

PAPAYA: I'm sorry.
MAES: …thank you.
 

The room's crackle seems to stop as well at that, the atmosphere still cold to bone chilling degree.

MAES: ...I recovered her body, recently.
MAES: I'm going to cremate it.
MAES: Give her a proper sendoff with Judgment and Synna.
PAPAYA: You managed to do that?
MAES: With Judgment's help, yes.
MAES: ...our mother had it preserved, so it's...in...a condition.
MAES: But I never liked that- keeping her like a little doll, even in death.
MAES: She deserves to be free, for once in her life.
PAPAYA: Mm.. you owe it to yourself to enjoy that freedom too.
PAPAYA: As much as it's a lot, the fact that you're still here means you should seize those opportunities.
MAES: ...I don't know if I'll ever feel free from it, honestly.
MAES: Not...as long as I work here.
PAPAYA: Would you ever want to move out?
MAES: I can't.
 

Their words come with complete conviction, enough to startle Maes themself.

PAPAYA: Mm... the job.
MAES: If I left before the rehabilitation program was finished...I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
MAES: Not a single restful night.
PAPAYA: And what about after all that?
 

They don’t speak.

After that…
Charon and I have talked about it from time to time.
But I-
This has been my entire life. Both the hell of it and then trying to fix things-
Is it even possible for there to be an end to it?

MAES: ...I don't know.
PAPAYA: Something to think on... for now I think you're taking the right steps you need to heal.
PAPAYA: You're doing what you can for others like you, getting closure as best you can for you and your siblings.
PAPAYA: But you shouldn't forget to take care of yourself and find things that make you happy too.
MAES: ...and what if I can't find that?
MAES: I have Judgment, and I'm reconnecting with Synna-
MAES: But...
MAES: ...what if it doesn't get better past this?
MAES: What then?
PAPAYA: I've seen your progress so far, I think you really do have the capacity to.
PAPAYA: It'll take some time and... to be honest I'd suggest continuing this even after our trial session, should you wish to but...
PAPAYA: You do deserve happiness.
PAPAYA: You and the family you've made here.
PAPAYA: Even if it's in your own way.
PAPAYA: It's only been a few sessions, but I'm proud of the work you've put in despite how hard it was to walk through that door at first.
 

They hesitate, letting out one of their long, exhausted sighs.

MAES: Thank you.
MAES: I'll consider keeping it up.
MAES: It is helping.
 

Charon gives Maes' hand another little squeeze of comfort. They return it, not as tightly as earlier.

Papaya clears their throat.

PAPAYA: I apologize if that was a bit much, but I do think the people in your life want to see things improve for you.
MAES: No, it's...you were fine.
MAES: It's just a lot to think about.
PAPAYA: Mm, it is…
MAES: ...are we done, for today?
MAES: The chamber seems to have settled down, some.
PAPAYA: If you'd like, we've probably hit our time by now.
MAES: I'd like to go home and spend the rest of my day with Judgment, then.
MAES: Let my mind clear up a bit
PAPAYA: Sounds good doctor, rest is more than merited after that.
PAPAYA: Resetting the room back to default.
 

The room’s tension fades away, Maes’ whole body unclenching.

 
MAES: ...thank you, again.
PAPAYA: Mmhmm.
PAPAYA: Please think about what I said a bit before the next session, alright?
MAES: I will.
MAES: I promise.

[skinstealer]

[image id: a black and white profile shot of maes against a shattered cream background, as if broken glass that can't take the pressure of maes' day. maes is similarly strained, their face contorted into a pained grimace. the border of the piece is jagged, bringing the sense of fracturing home.]

 

The walk back to their apartment was silent, something to be expected after Maes' therapy sessions. This one, however, feels even more heavy, the session only a half hour prior hanging over both of them.

Maes unlocks the door to their apartment, and pauses, not ready to open it yet.

CHARON: Boss?
 

Their mind feels like it’s short circuiting, frayed around the edges.

MAES: ...Nothing. Let's go.
 

They open the door and step through, collapsing their cane and setting it down in the usual space.

CHARON: Mm…
 

Maes can hear him following suit, the clanking of his prosthetics letting them know every step.

He settles into an armchair, exhaling.

CHARON: You tired?
MAES: ...It was a good session.
MAES: It's a lot, but...good, right?
CHARON: I think so.. seemed rather intensive admittedly.
MAES: ...Mm.

They sit on the bed and start taking off their shoes, one strap at a time.

Their mouth turns to a grimace as their hands shake, a little noise of annoyance sneaking out.

Come on...you can do better than this.

CHARON: ...Are you sure you're okay?
MAES: I'm fine.
MAES: Really.
MAES: Just tired.
CHARON: Get some rest in before we do dinner.
 

They finally get the straps off, kicking off their shoes and laying back on the bed.

It’s-
I can handle this.
I c-
I can-

The dam breaks in their mind, unable to keep themselves from speaking up.

MAES: ...am I doing the right thing, Charon?
MAES: Papaya seems to think so, but-
CHARON: Regarding which thing specifically?
MAES: All of this.
MAES: Going to therapy.
MAES: Telling people about these things.
MAES: ...maintaining my position in the lab.
CHARON: The therapy's been good, I've noticed little improvements since you've started.. as for maintaining your position, are you worried you're not good for it?
MAES: I've never really had someone question it in a way that...actually hit like this.
 

They dig their claws into the sheets, needing to grab onto something, anything as their words come out hard and strained.

MAES: Plenty have said that getting this position is pure nepotism, that someone so young shouldn't have all this weight on them- but it always came from a place of disgust, of disdain.
MAES: ...this is the first time it's felt like it might have some actual validity.
CHARON: To be quite honest with you, you're incredibly overworked.
CHARON: You're running this place while also working as the head surgeon and maintaining the project to take care of your siblings.
CHARON: It wouldn't be a bad idea to look into other folks to take the load off your back.
MAES: But if I let up for even a moment-
 

Charon’s next words come out so soft that the contrast between their own nearly stings.

CHARON: It's okay to let people help you.
MAES: And how can I make sure it's people I can trust?
CHARON: Hard to say, but you managed to find me.
MAES: There's not a lot of people like you out there, it feels like…
CHARON: You have folks you trust with the big project, no?
 

Mandrake, JB, even Ruby…

MAES: ...that is true...
CHARON: Could look at people you'd trust there.
MAES: And what, ask them to take over the entire lab?
MAES: I don't think any of them are crazy enough to do that.
CHARON: No, but...  look for someone else willing to take on some of the duties that you're struggling to keep up with on your own.
MAES: ...I suppose I could drop my surgical duties...
CHARON: Not a focus of yours these days?
MAES: I still find the work valuable, but...the rehab program is where my heart lies.
MAES: Ever since we found those cult documents, I've been unable to stop thinking about how important all of this is.
MAES: Not just getting my siblings out of here- though that is the main focus- but finally putting a stop to this.
MAES: All of this.
CHARON: Then you know the answer from here.
CHARON: Start phasing things out and adjusting work more toward what you want to put yourself toward.
CHARON: Promote those who are willing to take the mantle for work that's become less of a priority.
MAES: It's…
 

He makes it sound so…doable. So possible.
Does he even realize how much this would take?
…his conviction’s almost enough for me to buy in…

MAES: Do you really think we can do it?
MAES: If we manage to put this information in the right hands-
CHARON: I know you can, you've gotten this far.
MAES: We might catch a lot of heat for it.
MAES: ...sometimes I worry about it even starting...a war, or something.
MAES: Grind is known to hate Spit, from what I know.
MAES: He would take any opportunity to take her and her forces out, and finding out that she had some kind of base of operations here in Precipice, right under his nose…
 

Charon stops them before they can get carried away.

CHARON: I can at the very least get this information to various guilds.
CHARON: Spit isn't particularly well liked by knighting circles across Taverne.
CHARON:  With a good spread we can have a safe, anonymous release of information with folks across multiple regions in the know at once.
MAES: A lot of people are going to die, because of this.
MAES: …I suppose thousands already have, though…
CHARON: I know... if we coordinate this right, we can minimize the damage by forcing a flush of cultists.
CHARON: It's.. a large decision and we should talk to a few experts on the matter but... to finally rid of a massive amount of Spit's grasp across the continent.. we'd be preventing tragedies in the long run.
MAES: I have no doubt of that.
MAES: I'd...be lying if I said I didn't want the whole lot to burn.
CHARON: They made their choice long ago.
MAES: There's also the question of how much to release about the actual experiments...
MAES: ...it should be entirely declassified, but there's...a lot of personal info in these, both of living and dead maybecats.
MAES: Including myself, Melanie, and Mason…
CHARON: I think at the very least, they deserve to be recognized as people rather than a statistic.
CHARON: A gradual release with the transparency that some info will be withheld for a time for the sake of protecting those harmed.
MAES: ...perhaps we could do consent forms?
MAES: See who's okay with that information being released...
MAES: ...letting the deceased rest in the process.
CHARON: Mm. That'd be the way to do so.
 

They seem to lock up for a moment.

MAES: ...I don't want to release my file, but I may have to.
MAES: I'm the only living success.
CHARON: I'll protect you.
MAES: You can't-
MAES: You can't protect me, not from everything.
MAES: Those files have more personal information than I want anyone to know.
MAES: ...Not even you.
CHARON: Riddle me this, why do you have to share yourself in the first place?
CHARON: You deserve your own peace just as much as anyone else after everything.
MAES: Because-!
MAES: Because if I don't release that information, no one will know what the actual goals of Devil's Advocacy were.
MAES: And if they don't know, they'll ask questions anyway.
CHARON: Then you answer to the extent you have to.
CHARON: You let them know the purpose, but you let people understand that for the safety of those involved, you don't want to disclose what candidates were considered for the role in mind.
MAES: ...you mean, I don't even say I'm a candidate?
MAES: I'd assume it'd be obvious, considering my position...
CHARON: You could also leave it as simply that no candidate was ever chosen for the role.
MAES: ...and what if a cultist speaks up?
MAES: What if there's whispers in the opposite direction?
CHARON: Spit doesn't have a maybecat demon.
CHARON: Clearly the project never went through with its plans.
MAES: ...this is true.
CHARON: At best you can say that you and a few others were considered, but ultimately Anya passed before Spit was able to claim a demon from the project.
MAES: That's...it could actually work.
 

They seem to perk up for a moment, only to flatten back out, appearing to literally pool out into a deflated state from the stress.

MAES: ...people will judge you, though.
MAES: For being with someone associated with this travesty at all.
CHARON: Who cares if they do.
MAES: Your reputation with guilds, your family-
CHARON: My reputation will recover and my family will take my side.
 

They have to rub their temples at that, their voice coming out harsh and almost angry.

MAES: How can you be so confident?!
MAES: I don't want to ruin things for you-!
CHARON: You're more important to me than titles, as long as I have a place here I can accept the risks.
MAES: I would never take that away from you.
CHARON: Don't worry too much about me, alright?
CHARON: I'll bounce back in the end.
 

Why would anyone give so much for me-!

MAES: You're one of the biggest parts of my life, Charon.
MAES: Of course I'm going to worry about how you fit into all of this...
CHARON: I know.
CHARON: I really do love you, and I hope you understand that.
CHARON: I'm doing what's right to me, and that's standing by you through all of this.
 

They reach out their arms, clearly angling for a hug in a much more direct way than usual.
Charon gets up and goes for it, holding on tight.

His embrace is warm, firm and grounding. It’s enough to get them to stop panicking, though their shaking takes a few minutes to quell.

MAES: …I love you too.
MAES: More than anything, it feels like...
MAES: ...and I know I shouldn't get so wound up about this, but the thought of losing you, in any way...
CHARON: You won't.
MAES: Do you promise?
CHARON: Promise, I'll stay safe so I can be with you as long as possible.
MAES: I'll protect you back, then.
CHARON: I know you will.

[skinstealer]

[id: maes sitting on papaya's couch, grimacing and looking extremely strained. charon sits next to them, but nearly all of him, including his expression, is cast in dark shadow. the atmosphere is suffocating and claustrophobic, and something feels very wrong.]

PAPAYA: Good morning Doctor, were you okay after last session?
 

Well…

MAES: I...struggled. Quite a bit.
MAES: Judgment helped me through it, but there were some nightmares…
PAPAYA: I figured it was going to be a harder one...
MAES: I was going to say we should go easier today, but…
 

They sink into their seat.

MAES: I'm having trouble of a new variety now.
MAES: Maybe less "serious" in subject matter, but not something I enjoy.
PAPAYA: What's bothering you?
MAES: …
 

Maes turns to Charon just a little, unsure of whether to start. Charon reaches for their hand, the karacel taking his without hesitation.

CHARON: You've got this.
 

They take his hand, holding it tight.

MAES: I've already told you plenty of confidential information...and I suppose compared to Devil's Advocacy, this is a small drop in the bucket, but-
MAES: ...it's hard for me to talk about.
MAES: Only Judgment knows.
PAPAYA: If it's too much for today, we can do something easier.
MAES: ...I want to try, at least.
 

Papaya makes an affirmative noise.

PAPAYA: If you're sure.
PAPAYA: Remember we can always stop...
MAES: I'll...keep it in mind.
MAES: Judgment can put the neurons on now.
PAPAYA: Judgment?
CHARON: Already grabbed them.
PAPAYA: Ah, good! Continue then.
 

Charon places the adhesive as carefully as usual.

MAES: Thank you...
 

Please don't be a weird environment. Please don't be weird.

To Maes’ relief, it’s fairly neutral to start, a lack of stimuli so far.

O...okay...Good.

MAES: ...I...have to do some things to keep the lab funded, that aren't...ideal.
 

Faint conversation builds in the back of the room.

PAPAYA: ...Is everything okay?
MAES: ...no.
MAES: It hasn't been okay for years, but-
MAES: The investors Anya set up before my promotion into the director were promised certain privileges when I would take the position- and if I back out, they take their money with them.
PAPAYA: You're safe to talk about it here.
MAES: ...it's...sexual favors. To put it lightly.
MAES: Judgment's the only one who knows, and I only ended up telling him because he saw me in the aftermath of one meeting.
MAES: I don't usually let that happen.
PAPAYA: ...You have to commit to that to fund this lab?
MAES: If I stopped or reported them, we'd lose at least half.
 

Papaya says nothing, struggling to find words. With a twist of a dial, the room starts shifting back to neutral, the smell of cheap cologne and familiar voices fading just as they were starting.

MAES: ...I didn't tell you to stop.
PAPAYA: ...Are you sure?
PAPAYA: I don't want to hurt you.
MAES: I...it goes only as far as I'm ready for, right?
MAES: You said I could make it stop at any time.
PAPAYA: Mm... I guess that's true.
 

They switch the dial back, all the senses returning. The air is stuffed with the texture of business suits, nearly suffocating.

Maes takes a deep breath before continuing.

MAES: There's not much I can do about it.
MAES: I've had to deal with it for years, and while it hasn't gotten easier, I've been able to manage it until this past year.
MAES: Being with Judgment has...definitely made it worse, now that I know what a safe partner is like.
MAES: That's not- that's not a bad thing, I really appreciate my time with him...
MAES: But...
MAES: It's also, just...
MAES: The way they talk about me, and treat the way I look...
MAES: With my whole identity realizations, it just feels worse every time.
PAPAYA: Do you think it's contributed toward your feelings too?
MAES: ...very much so.
PAPAYA: You thought much lately about how you'd prefer to dress?
PAPAYA: How you want to present and be seen?
PAPAYA: Could be good to set a goal.
MAES: I...yes, a lot, but I can't-
MAES: They've...
 

...I haven't even told Charon yet…

MAES: Made some comments about my new clothes, the ones I got to try new things out.
PAPAYA: Comments?
MAES: From the investors.
MAES: They don't like the new look, and I've barely changed anything.
PAPAYA: Ah... of course they didn't.
PAPAYA: To be frank, they sound like pretty disgusting people.
MAES: Mm...I know that I said in the last session we talked about gender, I said I didn't know what I wanted for long term changes.
MAES: Now I think I do, but-
MAES: I...
MAES: I don't think I can change anything about myself in a way I'd like without attracting their ire.
 

The air seems to press against Maes' form, the karacel feeling their own sense of outline and shape. They tense up, a little self conscious at the sudden awareness.

MAES: I'd like to-
MAES: I'd like to get a shell reshaping.
MAES: My mother chose a lot of how I look for me, including my body shape-
MAES: I'd like to...ah…
 

Their words stutter out.

The pressure starts to shift around, fluctuating between tightness and a comforting looseness.

MAES: ...I'd...like to get some more weight on me...
MAES: ...and get a chest reduction.
 

The words seem to almost choke out, Maes' face full of embarrassment.

The pressure loosens up dramatically.

PAPAYA: Nothing wrong there.
MAES: But-
MAES: I can't, people will talk, so much is riding on me staying the same-
PAPAYA: You should do what's good for you.
MAES: ...
MAES: I don't know how...
MAES: Both...logistically, and-
MAES: It's not possible.
PAPAYA: Find better financers, these people are heinous.
MAES: Any-
MAES: Any financial cuts we take in the meantime potentially leave the rehab program in the lurch...
PAPAYA: …there's really no easy way out of this, then...
MAES: I can't...make the selfish decision.
MAES: Not yet.
MAES: Not until the program has alternative funding.
PAPAYA: Can you work toward that?
MAES: I can try.
MAES: I've...considered reaching out to Grind's council for some time now.
MAES: The Precipice government gives us a good amount of funding thanks to our functions as a hospital, but...
MAES: ...perhaps...a private proposal for the rehabilitation program could go over well.
PAPAYA: Consider that, something to get out of your current situation.
MAES: ...It does feel useless to think about wanting these things, in the meantime.
MAES: Like some kind of forbidden fruit I'll never get to have.
PAPAYA: Don't say never.
MAES: I know, I know…
PAPAYA: I think if you explain the lab's situation you'll have a good chance of getting somewhere.
MAES: What do I do in the meantime, then?
MAES: What...do I do to figure out these feelings while I can't make any public moves?
MAES: Pronouns are one thing, but-
 

Their face grows flushed.

MAES: Anything I've thought of feels...
 

Their body suddenly feels….looser, if only for a brief moment.

PAPAYA: Feels..?
MAES: ...It...feels silly.
PAPAYA: It isn't.
MAES: I haven't even said what I've been thinking of!
PAPAYA: And I want you to get it out of your head that your feelings are silly.
PAPAYA: You're not going to be laughed at.
 

But this…

MAES: ...I...wouldn't mind if Judgment and I engaged with some of the body imagery stuff on our own time.
MAES: Even if only in...fantasy, or play...
PAPAYA: I don't see why not, might do a lot for you.
MAES: You really think that sort of thing is just...fine?
MAES: No questions asked?
MAES: I feel like most people would just laugh at me for it, to be so invested in the idea of-
 

They swallow.

MAES: Putting on weight, even if it's in order to get a better body image…
PAPAYA: Body dysphoria exists in all kinds, I've known clients in your situation.
PAPAYA: Tricky in some cases because they were constructs with less mod friendly shells.
MAES: With my shell, it'll require synthetic material to actually give me more room to breathe and move without pain...no easy donors for my shell type.
MAES: It's too tight for the amount of internal slime my body produces, due to being modified by my mother in my teenage years.
MAES: ...it didn't help with the dysphoria.
PAPAYA: And it's hard to find time with how busy you are.
MAES: Even small modifications that could be less noticeable by the investors in the long run would still take me out for recovery time.
PAPAYA: If I'm brutally honest, you're terribly overworked.
MAES: ...Mmm.
 

They hesitate for a moment before nodding.

MAES: I...suppose I could take some time off...
PAPAYA: You should, you and Judgment.
MAES: I could probably put in a request for this weekend, maybe…

The tiniest hint of a smile crosses their face.

PAPAYA: Spend some time together, have a little adventure maybe.
MAES: ...what do you think, Judgment?
CHARON: I'd love that, could use a break myself.
MAES: I'll put in a notice when we're out, then...does that sound like progress, Papaya?
PAPAYA: It absolutely does.
MAES: Maybe...that's a good point to leave off on, then.
PAPAYA: I think so too.
PAPAYA: You've been putting a lot of work in these past few weeks.
PAPAYA: Be proud.
MAES: ...I am, a little.
MAES: Genuinely.
PAPAYA: It's hard, it really is but... you've opened up about so much in such a quick time.
MAES: I'm glad we're doing this...both for myself, and the program.
PAPAYA: ...Is that a greenlight?
MAES: I'd say so, but...I still want to keep going with this.
MAES: We have a few weeks left.
PAPAYA: We can.. and if you need more than a few weeks, you can always return of course.
PAPAYA: It's good to have a regular doctor.
MAES: Thank you, Papaya.
MAES: I owe you a lot for this…
 

They gesture to the headpieces.

MAES: Should we take these off?
PAPAYA: Go ahead, returning the room back to its neutral state.
 

It feels like an eternity as the room winds down, Maes letting out a long, slow breath.

It feels like I’ve run a marathon…

Maes lets Charon take the sticky pads off, laying there and getting their bearings. It’s a good few minutes before they stand up, taking their cane and giving Papaya an appreciative nod.

MAES: Thank you.
PAPAYA: You're always welcome, doctor.
PAPAYA: Don't forget it.

[skinstealer]

[id: a shot of the nightstand next to maes and charon's bed, a bit of sheets still in view. the nightstand has a few objects on it- maes' collapsed white cane, charon's family crest, and a photo that reflects the two of them in an intimate pose, maes on top of their partner.]


The room is quiet as Maes lay there, taking in the feelings of a nice dinner chased with a cozy movie. It was, for all intents and purposes, a perfect evening-

 

...I know this is the part where Charon and I usually start cuddling, but...
After today…

CHARON: Boss.
 

The dog chimes from across the room, snapping Maes out of their thoughts.

MAES: Mm? What is it?
CHARON: Just checking in, you've been quiet.
MAES: ...just resting.
CHARON: Mm.. Mind if I join you?
 

They pat the spot next to them, trying to stay calm and not bely their anxieties. Charon flops close to them and makes himself comfortable.

CHARON: Penny for your thoughts?
 

He always manages to pick up on this sort of thing…

They manage to wrap an arm around his shoulders, resting their head on him as they let out a sigh.

MAES: Now that we're resting, I'm just...thinking too much, I suppose.
CHARON: You can talk to me about it.
MAES: I know, I know...I did so well in the session earlier, but...all of a sudden it's scary to talk about only hours later.
CHARON: It takes time.
MAES: ...even with all that support during the session...
MAES: I guess I'm still scared of what you'll think.
CHARON: Doesn't bother me one bit, why would it?
MAES: I mean...you fell for me with the look I have now-
MAES: I worry about it...being less attractive for you.
MAES: I know you say that you'd love me no matter what I chose for myself but...
MAES: ...It'd be a big change.
MAES: And I don't want to just be liked because "it's me", I want to be liked for my features as well...
CHARON: You'd be more comfortable, seeing you happy would make me happy.
MAES: But would you like it.
 

They sigh, rubbing their temple.

MAES: It's...probably a stupid thing to be hung up on.
CHARON: Of course I would like it.
MAES: ...truth be told...I want to get to our usual, with all of the cuddling and intimacy, especially to calm down after that session…
 

Their ears droop.

MAES: But I keep worrying that you wouldn't be able to get into things as much when I change the way I look.
MAES: I'll have less chest to touch, and my figure won't be the same…
CHARON: More to squish in other places.
 

A..ah…

Their face flushes, enough to be noticed.

CHARON: Besides, my favorite feature would still be there.
MAES: And what would that be?
CHARON: Your smile.
MAES: ...that's very corny.
 

They can't help but smile, as self conscious as they are.

CHARON: It worked.
MAES: You really like it so much?
CHARON: I do.
MAES: ...I bet you could earn even more looks at it.
 

They get a bit of a coy look in their face.

CHARON: Are you proposing something?
MAES: Maybe I want to be spoiled tonight.
MAES: I dare you to try and fluster me as much as you can.
CHARON: Any rules?
MAES: You'll probably get mileage out of using the new info you have now.
MAES: ...though I can't guarantee I'll be able to stay composed, it's new being open about it...
 

He presses a hand to their stomach.

Oh, shit-

CHARON: We'll have to find out.
CHARON: Let me know if anything comes up.
 

They let out a little, shaky breath.

MAES: That's a good start...
CHARON: You like that...
MAES: Yes...you don't touch me here too often...
CHARON: Might change.
MAES: You think it'll start appealing to you?
CHARON: Don't see why not.
MAES: Maybe I should have you do this when I get sick, too.
MAES: Might help release some of the pressure...
CHARON: Is that what you want?
 

He pushes down harder.

MAES: Yes…
 

They sink into the bed, relaxing enough to allow their body to flatten a little bit.  

MAES: You can rub it around…
 

He follows along, Maes starting to purr and flatten out further.

CHARON: Someone looks happy.
MAES: I may have thought about this a couple times.
CHARON: How does it compare?
MAES: Better in actuality...I like actually feeling it.
CHARON: Mm... should've said something long ago.
MAES: I know, but I'm just now coming to terms with it myself...
CHARON: Well good thing it's never too late, aye?
MAES: I believe so…
 

They give him a soft expression, rubbing a hand against his cheek.

MAES: Now I believe it's time for you to keep flustering me.
 

Charon smirks as he places his hand against their side, giving them a little squeeze.

CHARON: Squish.
MAES: ...is that what you want to do to me?
MAES: Squish me?
CHARON: Yes. Is that a problem?
MAES: No, just...didn't expect you to jump straight into things like that.
MAES: It's...very nice.
CHARON: You just need to bring it up, and I'll do what I can.
MAES: Even if it's weird?
CHARON: This isn't as weird as you're making it out to be.
MAES: ...I suppose not...it's probably more tame than our usual tendencies, really.
CHARON: That aside, plenty of people would find it fairly normal.
MAES: ...I mean...we've basically just done basic appreciation, so far.
MAES: It...might go a bit beyond that.
 

They turn away, hiding their face in their hair.

MAES: Sure, I have my sights on realistic goals when it comes to the surgery, but...fantasies and all...
CHARON: Mm?
MAES: ...This is very hard to talk about.
CHARON: I know.
MAES: This is going to sound so stupid...
 

They sigh hard, reaching for his hand for comfort.

MAES: I can try to talk about it, though.
CHARON: Please do.
MAES: I know that most of my appeal for you is in my harder edges, all of the claws and teeth…
MAES: …but sometimes I wish I was softer, rounder even, as silly as it is...like, yes, the shell reshaping would definitely help my aches, pains and dysphoria, but sometimes I wish I could go beyond that…
CHARON: I don't see why not, I could do with softer.
MAES: ...to unrealistic levels, I mean.
MAES: Though I suppose for that, I'd more just want it to be temporary...

They mumble something after, unintelligible.

CHARON: How so?
MAES: I...would like to do things like be a bed for you.
MAES: Or crush you.
MAES: Not- not in a way that'd actually hurt you, just...you know.
 

Their face heats up all over, covering it with their free hand.

CHARON: You want a little more weight on you, yes?
MAES: ...sometimes more than a little, but yes.
CHARON: That's absolutely reasonable.
MAES: ...you really mean this.
 

They smile, just barely visible under their hand.

MAES: Then...you'd be okay with that?
MAES: All that weird fantasy stuff I mentioned, with the bed and the crushing and etcetera.
CHARON: It makes you happy and I'm supportive of it, you're allowed to indulge.
MAES: ...thank you, Charon.

They lean in to give him a little kiss on the cheek.

MAES: You know, you're allowed to tell me anything like this in turn.
MAES: I want to indulge you as well.
CHARON: Mm.. Have to think on that but I'll gladly take your offer.
MAES: Nothing comes to mind?
 

They lean in a little more, lingering this time.

MAES: Not even anything of a more sharp variety?
CHARON: I think right now I'm just happy to be here with you.
MAES: Sappy.
CHARON: Maybe.
MAES: ...right now though, I think that's exactly what I need.
 

They sit up all of a sudden, positioning themself over him and smiling wider.

MAES: I may not be able to crush you yet...but I'm feeling brave, and I can still try to imagine it.
MAES: Are you up for that?
MAES: At the very least, we could be close together...
CHARON: Bring it.
 

They lower themself onto him with a soft nuzzle, doing their best to flatten out and spread out the pressure. Their body may have been significantly smaller than his, and thinner at that, but there was something about the way they tried to put all of their weight on him that felt...different, closer.

Like they weren't holding back.

He wraps his arms around them, his embrace comforting and familiar.

CHARON: Letting loose a little?
MAES: You can tell?
MAES: I think I usually stay a lot more tensed up…
CHARON: It's subtle, but I noticed.
MAES: What do you think?
 

They carefully push themself against him, trying to further distribute the pressure.

CHARON: It's nice to see you experiment.
MAES: The real test's yet to come, though.
CHARON: Oh?
MAES: I want to see if I can get it to excite you.
MAES: Perhaps this could help the effect…
 

They move their tail, laying it across their own back and flattening it to try and increase how much pressure and weight was bearing down on him. To their delight, they can feel him sinking further into the mattress, adjusting and getting more comfortable.

CHARON: That's quite nice…
MAES: You like it?
 

They grin for just a moment, shaking their head to compose themself.

CHARON: Mm. Are you surprised?
MAES: I'm still getting used to being open about this at all!
CHARON: You seem pretty happy now that we're here, mm?
MAES: Yes...
 

They admit it almost shyly.

CHARON: Don't apologize for that.
MAES: Then...try grinding up.
MAES: I want to see how you do with the added weight on you.
 

He pushes up against them, eager and without hesitation. They can tell that he’s having to work a little harder just to move underneath them, something that only makes them more excited.

CHARON: I'll do my best to keep up.
 

He really is into this…

They move their tail a bit more, laying it more across their legs and hips to really center the weight on top of him.

MAES: I want to thank you for letting me experiment so much...and for taking care of me, all these days...
 

They pause for a moment, reaching between them to pull down both of their clothes just enough to rub against each other directly.

MAES: You make me feel better than I ever have before.
 

Charon wraps his own legs around theirs at that, getting as close as he can.

CHARON: I'm glad... I want you to feel comfortable being more open and letting you be your earnest self.
MAES: My earnest self...you really think this is it?
CHARON: Is it not?
MAES: Feels like I have a long way to go...but maybe I'm getting there.
CHARON: I'll be by your side the whole way then.
MAES: And I by yours.
 

They lean in for a hard kiss, Charon returning it passionately as he feels the distinct feeling of slime wrapping around him, right between his legs. It had taken some practice for Maes to get used to the new anatomy configuration, but now that they had the hang of it…

I want him so badly...I want to make him mine-

They move their hips more as they kiss him, getting lost in all the sensations. He can't resist feeling up wherever he can, squishing and squeezing down hard.

MAES: K-keep grabbing me like that…
CHARON: You like that?
MAES: Yes-!
CHARON: Good…

He continues on, Maes barely able to take it.

MAES: C-can I bite you?
CHARON: Yes.
 

They sit up enough to unbutton and pull his shirt off of his shoulder, lunging in for a chomp. Charon braces himself for impact as Maes sinks their teeth in hard, grinding up even more as they bite down.

CHARON: Y-You're so riled up...
MAES: I can't help it...the fact that you're embracing this means so much...
CHARON: I wish I could do more to help you here, to be honest...
MAES: Even just the thought that you're open to it helps.
MAES: But...maybe you could tell me more of what you want, too.
CHARON: Mm.... I want to explore my fiendish biology more with you but...
MAES: Oh? But?
CHARON: That would require me to take blood from you regularly to maintain.
MAES: Would my slime innards work just as effectively?
MAES: I'm not opposed to that, considering I have to get rid of so much of it as is just to keep the pain away...
CHARON: In theory it should.
MAES: Mhm...and besides, when I've gone through the surgery, I'll likely have more to go around, and more comfortably at that.
CHARON: Then let's look into it.
MAES: Mm, a little trade..
 

They lean in to kiss the fresh bite marks.

MAES: You'll have to tell me all the details.
CHARON: In theory, I'll be as flexible as you in a lot of ways.
CHARON: Possibly moreso.
MAES: I do like the idea of upping the ante more and more…
CHARON: That so?
MAES: I want to go as far as we can safely go.
MAES: I want to see it all, as long as no one gets hurt in a way we can't fix.
CHARON: I'm all for this.
MAES: Then let's do it.
 

They can't help but grin.

MAES: Let's have a little adventure of it.

[skinstealer]

[id: a cropped shot of maes' hand holding a white cane handle, surreal but saturated colors mottling the background.]

Today, Maes is looking more upbeat than usual- even sporting a small smile as they hold Charon's hand, waiting for Papaya to welcome the two of them in.

Charon makes sure to give Maes' hand a light squeeze.

Papaya doesn't take long to nudge open the door to their office.

PAPAYA: Sorry to keep you two waiting, just organizing some forms.
MAES: It's fine, Papaya.
 

Maes gives them a nod as they step inside, walking alongside Charon.

MAES: Are you doing well?
PAPAYA: I'd say so. Yourself?
MAES: Judgment and I have been working on things since the last session, and...I feel good today.
MAES: I feel like I can take on something heavy and be okay.
 

Papaya scoots toward their desk with a quick pace, taking a seat.

PAPAYA: Good to see progress there, it's difficult for anyone to share such details about themselves.
MAES: It's been very healing...and gave me an incredible confidence boost.
PAPAYA: Mm, plenty of people find the process very liberating after a point.
MAES: Well...I think I'm ready for more.
MAES: I've talked with Judgment extensively beforehand, and we got a lot of my nerves out.
PAPAYA: About last session?
MAES: Both that, and what I want to talk about today.
PAPAYA: Mm. What's on your mind for this session?
 

They take a seat, still holding onto Charon's hand.

Here goes…

MAES: ...Judgment and I both agree I should start talking about the last few years before Anya died.
PAPAYA: Will you be okay for that?
MAES: Today, yes.
MAES: We'll see if I can do it for subsequent sessions, but...I feel ready.
PAPAYA: Shall I have Judgment prepare the headset then?
MAES: Yes, please.
 

Papaya gestures toward Charon to grab the headpieces. He carefully places them as usual, being extra gentle to avoid feeling intrusive. He sits himself down next to Maes.

Papaya flicks the switch.

PAPAYA: We're going to set the stage, okay?
MAES: Mhm.
 

They nod, getting comfortable.

The room has a disorienting feeling today, revolving around until the clock’s turned back, towards a lab of yesteryear. Familiar conditions fill the air, and there’s noise of scientists long since past, talking amongst themselves outside the room.

I’ve got this. I’ve done this therapy before, and I’ve talked to Charon about this topic.
This’ll be fine.

Maes tenses slightly, but remains still and collected.

MAES: Shall I begin?
PAPAYA: Mmhmm.
PAPAYA: Live when you are.
MAES: I talked vaguely about the modifications I underwent as a teenager, last time- at the very least, the ones to my overall shell.
MAES: I did not talk about my eyes, and I've been hesitant to- namely because of my own feelings on them.
PAPAYA: Mm... that's fully understandable.

...Only one way forward.

MAES: My mother's goal with blinding me was a punishment.
MAES: I don't think she ever even told me what for- it could have been a random anger spell, for all I knew.
MAES: But…
MAES: I refused to see it as one, despite her best efforts.
MAES: I had seen my siblings that didn't receive special treatment manage to get around and survive even after receiving far more debilitating injuries, and I knew that between that and the medical training I had access to, I could make it work.
PAPAYA: I've noticed many of the staff here have access to accessibility tools to help with their workload.
MAES: It was something I made sure to implement as soon as I could convince our staff to go for it, both for my own sake and others'.
MAES: I had some experience with touch script out of necessity for my training under Anya, but that was all she ever provided for me- and I knew I would need more than that.
MAES: Anyone in my situation would.
PAPAYA: Of course, it's understandable.
MAES: It's something I had help with, even then- not to my mother's knowledge, though.
MAES: Being sneaky was...necessary.
PAPAYA: Who helped you back then out of curiosity?
MAES: Synna and...someone who I haven't seen in a long time.
PAPAYA: Mm... is it too personal?
MAES: No, just...I'm still not sure what to make of it.
MAES: They were older than me, but by how much, I couldn't tell.
MAES: I know they worked for Spit, like my mother, but they never seemed too happy about it.
MAES: Whenever I asked them what their deal was, they told me not to worry about it and to focus on getting me the help I needed.
PAPAYA: No name ever given?
MAES: Lina, that was all they gave me.
MAES: If they had a last name, they didn't share.
PAPAYA: Mm... I'm glad you had people around.
 

Nights spent adjusting, learning how to navigate.

The feeling of a stolen white cane in their hand, gliding along the cracked floor tiles and detecting handmade obstacles, Synna cheering them on in a hushed, excited voice.

Reading and learning more and more from books that Lina had brought to the laboratory’s depths, about everything from the culture aboveground, how Precipice handled these disabilities- and the promise that if they just managed to get out of there, it would be okay.

That the world outside, at the very least, the place surrounding the lab, would accept them.
 
All of those treasures and hopes tucked away in a box that Lina found a perfect hiding spot for.

MAES: It was hard, but between the two of them, I was able to do things like practice cane handling, even if the devices themselves were makeshift at best.
MAES: It wasn't perfect, but I wanted some way to help myself.
MAES: I knew I wanted out at some point.
PAPAYA: You managed to avoid getting caught?
MAES: Synna and I had developed ways of communicating to get around my mother's grip for years, and Lina definitely knew what they were doing.
MAES: ...I remember them telling me that they had a hearing impairment themself, and had to figure out strategies for navigating around and communicating with others more effectively while in a similar situation.
MAES: Had issues telling where sounds were coming from, and misheard words a lot...
MAES: I never minded repeating myself, once I got the hang of it.
PAPAYA: There must have been a good amount of solidarity.
MAES: They felt like a real mentor to me.
MAES: Their only request was that I not tell anyone about them, at least not until Anya was dead.
MAES: Even Synna didn't know about them until we reached the surface.
PAPAYA: They sound like a good person, I hope they're doing okay.
MAES: ...I didn't see them for a long time, after Anya died.
MAES: I don't think they were able to come see me safely until years later.
PAPAYA: ...Did you?
MAES: Only once.
MAES: They just walked into my office, no appointment, right before I was about to wrap up.
MAES: I was about to call security before I heard their voice and they introduced themself again after all these years, and I could have cried.
MAES: Nearly did.
PAPAYA: It's good to hear you got to have that.
MAES: Mm...though...I wish I could have done more.
MAES: They said a lot during that visit, more than they probably should have.
PAPAYA: What do you mean?
MAES: ...they told me that they wished they could protect me more, from what retaliation for killing Anya could possibly come from Spit someday...but that it was more likely that they would die before then, and that I should keep an ear to the ground.
MAES: I think...giving me that information was more of a risk than they should have taken.
MAES: I already suspected that action would be taken against me someday, and if it was found out that they said something...
PAPAYA: If you're still here, your friend has kept quiet.
MAES: I'm more worried for their sake...they seemed in rough shape for a lot of our meetings.
PAPAYA: Ah... did this Spit mistreat them?
MAES: More than they wanted to let on, I think.
MAES: They certainly weren't valued like my mother.
PAPAYA: I do hope they'll be okay..
 

They nod, looking solemn.

MAES: I do too…
PAPAYA: At the very least, you've had good people in your life even with everything that's happened.
MAES: Synna and Lina saved my life, frankly.
MAES: I may have been the one to put an end to Anya's reign, but...
MAES: ...they helped me have the resources to get there.
PAPAYA: How about now?
PAPAYA: Who's there these days?
MAES: Synna, Judgment, the entire staff of the rehab program...you too, I suppose.
PAPAYA: I'm just trying to do my best, really.
MAES: Give yourself more credit.
PAPAYA: Just a little.
MAES: You know what I was like when I first walked in, and today I showed up with a smile.
PAPAYA: It's a pretty big difference, never seemed like much of a smiler.
MAES: Until recently, only really around Judgment.
MAES: Synna's been happy to see it as well…
PAPAYA: It's good too to see you've got Synna with you after all this time too.
PAPAYA: You two been reconnecting okay lately?
MAES: We've been having lunch together, the three of us when possible...we might start watching some shows that she managed to find audio descriptions for, as well.
PAPAYA: Sounds fun, what kind?
MAES: Some cartoons that she likes...I've never really seen the appeal myself, but she swears on them.
PAPAYA: Oh really?
PAPAYA: Maybe I'll ask her about them sometime, curious what people watch locally.
MAES: All I know is that it involves giant robots, if that interests you.
PAPAYA: I'm one of those things.
MAES: ...I suppose it would, then.
 

Maes smiles briefly before continuing on.

MAES: ...thank you, for listening to me talk about Lina.
MAES: As you can imagine, this especially can't leave this room...I don't want them getting hurt, not after all they did for me.
PAPAYA: Never heard that name before, your secrets are safe
MAES: I just...
 

They lower their head.

MAES: They seemed to be especially sensitive when I talked about certain things with them, and I think we had more in common than they wanted to let on...
PAPAYA: You were both people in hard situations, only made sense they were inclined toward helping you get out of yours.
MAES: ...sometimes it scared me in ways I hate to admit.
MAES: That maybe this would be my fate for a long, long time, being stuck under my mother’s thumb-
MAES: -but I think that's part of why they helped, in case that did end up the case.
MAES: So that I could cope like they were.
PAPAYA: You managed to avoid that though.
MAES: They got me through it.
MAES: I don't think they ever expected it to...work, you know?
PAPAYA: You did what you had to.
MAES: ..and I'm glad I did.
MAES: I think...I'll save that for the next session, though.
MAES: I want to talk it over with Judgment and Synna…
PAPAYA: Of course, it's your time to use as you feel is fit.
MAES: Thank you.
MAES: Is it okay to end today here, then?
MAES: I don't want to overdo it.
PAPAYA: Mm.
PAPAYA: It's a bit early but if you're feeling tired after that it's okay.
PAPAYA: Any thoughts before we return to neutral state?
MAES: ...do you think I'll ever meet Lina again?
MAES: I know that's not really a question you'd have an answer to, but-
PAPAYA: I can't give a yes or a no if I'm 100% honest but.. I hope you do.
PAPAYA: I think you deserve that.
MAES: I hope that when I do, they're free.
MAES: Just like I ended up.

[skinstealer]

[id: maes and charon sitting at a restaurant table, a bowl of soup next to maes. the atmosphere is cozy and inviting, with maes looking charmed and relaxed as charon returns their loving expression.]

 

Maes takes a small sip of their soup, taking in the flavors- and the atmosphere of the restaurant during its slow hours, something they and Charon had discovered over the course of the past few months.

Nice and quiet.

 

Charon can't help but watch quietly, more than content to see Maes enjoying themself at the table.

It’s a few sips before they actually speak, resting their chin on one hand.

MAES: ...How's your food?
CHARON: Good, yours?
MAES: Delicious as ever.
MAES: I think they've gotten better at it every time we come.
CHARON: Mm, and we managed to drop by at a nice time too.
CHARON: No long wait, no noise…
MAES: They treat us like regulars, too...I never thought I'd see the day where I'd be considered that.
MAES: A regular customer.
CHARON: That's exactly what we are, just two regulars on a date.
 

They can't help but smile at that.

MAES: I feel so silly whenever we call it a date, but...it is.
CHARON: Small dates are nice too.
MAES: It's not about the size, just...another thing I never expected to have as a regular part of my life.
CHARON: Seems like you've discovered a lot of those recently.
MAES: It's overwhelming, to be honest.
MAES: I'm happy, but...
CHARON: I'm happy too, but.. what's bothering you?
MAES: It's not...a full happiness.
MAES: I don't want to sound ungrateful- I am, I really am...
MAES: ...but there's still plenty of times where I feel sick and miserable, even if it's for short moments more than extended stretches.
MAES: I may be more confident about my future choices with my body and overall presentation, but I still can't do anything about that.
MAES: I've told you pretty much every secret I have, but I still get insecure over whether it'll be too much someday.
MAES: I go on dates, I go shopping, I eat plenty of delicious food...
MAES: ...and even with all the therapy, it sometimes feels like I'm out of my depth, and that I don't deserve it.
CHARON: To be blunt with you, for all the progress you've made you're still very much at the beginning for a lot of it.
CHARON: Of course it feels unfamiliar, unclear, and even undeserved at times.
CHARON: It's ongoing as a process...
CHARON: But that said, don't feel like you haven't earned your happiness.
CHARON: Don't let people take from you what you had to go through so much to get.
MAES: ...thank you.
 

They go quiet as they eat some more soup, thinking.


There’s so much to say, and yet…
I don’t feel confident in saying any of it.
What if it sounds stupid?
What if he doesn’t get it?
…
He…he loves me, though.
And he’d want me to try.

MAES: It feels like I've been letting people take for a long time.
CHARON: No more of that, your life is your own.
MAES: We'll see...I can't help but feel like all of these changes with the lab, with stepping back, with outing cult members, with dealing with the investors...
MAES: ...there's going to be consequences.
MAES: And I'm scared, admittedly.
CHARON: I'll do whatever I have to for the people to stay safe.
MAES: ...you take on a lot though, yourself.
MAES: This whole time, you've been supporting me without a single complaint...
MAES: ...it shouldn't have to be on you.
MAES: I know you want to make sure I'm happy and safe- and the rehab program as well-
MAES: But I worry you're neglecting yourself, too.
MAES: I don't want this to be about me as much as it has been.
CHARON: I've got a large support group of my own.
CHARON: I call my therapist, my family, my guild... and of course I always have you.
CHARON: You deserve to have that too.
MAES: Still...I can tell when things get to you.
MAES: Homesickness, things with the angel pocket, stress from work...
CHARON: And we talk about those, no?
MAES: ...it feels like it's taken a backseat for my problems, what with the whole therapy thing.
CHARON: That therapy isn't just important for you, it's potentially part of the rehab program.
MAES: That's true, but-
 

They reach a hand across the table.

MAES: You're my partner of more than a few months now, at this point.
MAES: You're equally important to me, and I won't have you unsupported either.
 

He meets their hand.

CHARON: Is it strange to say that it feels way longer than that?
CHARON: I couldn't see myself leaving anytime soon.
MAES: To be fair, from what I can tell, we committed to each other fairly quickly compared to most relationships.
MAES: It took some time to warm up, but once we had…
CHARON: It just feels like something clicked magically after a point.

The tiniest smirk crosses their face.

MAES: You and magic.
MAES: What if it was a matter of science?
CHARON: What do you propose, doctor?
MAES: A natural attraction, perhaps.
MAES: After all, it took you only minutes to spot my teeth.
CHARON: It's in my nature.
MAES: I thought fiends would be the ones to be more into biting.
CHARON: Mutual biting is a thing…
MAES: You've never brought that up before.
CHARON: It's a form of affection between fiends, said to strengthen the bonds between them beyond mere physicality.
MAES: Hmmm...that sounds very appealing, why hasn't it come up?
CHARON: Because I wasn't a biter until recently.
MAES: I suppose letting you feed like we have would bring up urges…
CHARON: It's very new to me, I've only fed a handful of times before this.
MAES: How does it compare?
CHARON: Better, never did this with a partner before.
MAES: Perhaps we can dabble a bit more when we get back, mm?
CHARON: Mm..
MAES: ...though...perhaps it'd be good to talk out more thoughts before we do.
MAES: I've still got so much rumbling around, and I'd rather not ruin things in the moment.
CHARON: More than fair, I'm all ears.
 

Let’s see…

MAES: ...do you think that Papaya is ready for the rehab program?
CHARON: They managed to get you to stick onboard this long, and I have seen you looking better as of late.
MAES: Yes, but...we still haven't talked through the last of this whole sordid affair.
CHARON: Mm... I think if you feel you can do that, they're plenty ready.
MAES: You don't think it'll be too much?
CHARON: Not at all.
MAES: ...do you think they'd tell me if it was?
CHARON: Maybe.
CHARON: They've played it fairly close to the vest so far, but they haven't seemed bothered either.
MAES: Sometimes they've spoken up, but always at my mother's actions, never mine...
MAES: ...I suppose I'm worried, still.
CHARON: We'll have to see to find out but...
CHARON: I have faith that this will be good for the program.
MAES: It was good for me, after all…
CHARON: Imagine what this could do for all the people in the lab who've gone through that era.
MAES: It's a lot of people, though.
MAES: Will they be able to handle such a brutal workload?
CHARON: Could always look into a second doctor, someone they trust.
MAES: I suppose I'd trust a referral…
CHARON: We'll make it work.
MAES: I know.
 

They finally pull their hand back, digging into their soup again.

CHARON: We'll find out soon enough anyway.
MAES: Here's to hoping, right?
 

They manage a smile, looking a little lighter.

MAES: Next week's the big one.
CHARON: I'll be with you the whole way through this.
MAES: You always have.

[skinstealer]

[id: a black and white image featuring a silhouetted young maes kneeling on the ground, in front of a shattered window. the imagery is striking and abstract, the window seeming to overwhelm the image.]

Maes grips the handle of their cane tightly, walking into their therapist's office with Charon in tow.

Today's the day.

Noticing their mood, Charon gives them a little shoulder bump for comfort.

MAES: ...thank you.
 

They keep their voice down to a whisper, taking a deep breath before sitting on the now very-familiar couch.

Papaya sits across as usual, putting aside some paperwork they were working on last minute.

PAPAYA: Morning doctor.
PAPAYA: Are you ready?
 

Hell of a question for today…

MAES: I...think so.
PAPAYA: Is something on your mind?
MAES: It always feels like there's something, but...yes. I spent a lot of time talking with Judgment and Synna about today's session, and the program as a whole.
PAPAYA: Mm…
MAES: Are you okay with hearing about the last of this?
MAES: What lead me to where I am now?
PAPAYA: As much as I'll ever be.
MAES: You may have to handle worse from the other residents.
MAES: In a sense, this is your final test before we evaluate the effectiveness of the project.
PAPAYA: I know what I've signed up for at this point.
PAPAYA: I've spent my time getting to know folks, learning what I can about the history of its people.
PAPAYA: Nothing is going to be an easy job, I understand that loud and clear...
PAPAYA: But I didn't come here because I expected that.
PAPAYA: I came because I want to give people the tools to manage years of hardship that hasn't been resolved inside.
MAES: ...you have done that, for me.
 

The slightest smile creeps onto their face.

MAES: I open this topic so firmly because of the gravity of this situation, but...I am appreciative.
MAES: This is a very tense topic for me, and I haven't even really told the full story to Judgment yet, either.
MAES: This will be a retelling for both of you.
PAPAYA: Mm.. I'm as ready as I can be.
PAPAYA: Should Judgment attach the neurons?
MAES: Yes, please.

Charon does his job as usual, the process feeling much heavier this time than any before. He gives Maes a little pat on the shoulders before sitting back down next to them.

Papaya flicks on the switch.

PAPAYA: We're live.
 

Maes takes another deep breath.

MAES: The longer Lina helped me get my bearings with my injuries, the more testy my mother got.
MAES: She never picked up on the specific training we were doing together, but she knew something was off with me.
MAES: I got sneakier and sneakier, and she continued to crack down wherever she could.
MAES: ...eventually, I realized it had to stop.
 

The room crackled and snarled, twisting into a hallway, surrounded by fragments of gnarled and blood splattered chambers. A bubbling backing track hangs in the air, filled with a hymn of air conditioning.

They grip their thighs, just a bit.

It’s fine.
It’s fine, I can do this.
Just this one big push.

PAPAYA: The intensity is a bit high right now, should I lower it?
MAES: No.
MAES: I can take it.
PAPAYA: Continue then, remember you have full control of this session.

They nod, taking a moment to gather themself before continuing.

MAES: I didn't know how I was going to do it.
MAES: After all, she was so much stronger than me, and had done everything in her power to assert that.
MAES: ...as far as she knew.
MAES: I remembered from Melanie…
 

They tap the side of their head.

MAES: Parodies, mimics, whatever you want to call them- like my mother- supposedly have no vitals, no brains or organs to speak of- similar to myself, Mason, and Melanie’s makeup.
MAES: I knew that if I had any chance at all…
MAES: It’d be the head.
PAPAYA: So you took matters into your own hands from there.
MAES: I considered doing it while she slept, most of the time.
MAES: Or figuring out how to slip some kind of drug into her food to knock her unconscious- but I ruled those out.
MAES: She was an exceedingly light sleeper and I didn't even know if drugs would work on her.
MAES: Eventually, she gave me no choice.
MAES: We had gotten into another argument- about what, I can't remember anymore.
MAES: It feels so secondary to what happened next.
PAPAYA: Mm.
MAES: She...
MAES: Usually, it was just a quick blow when she got physical.
MAES: Enough to hurt, but never enough to make a mess.
MAES: But I had gotten sick on her work.
MAES: It had been getting worse for years after the shell tightening, to the point of me not being able to control when I'd be ill.
MAES:  She was furious.
PAPAYA: So what happened from there?
MAES: It was kind of a rush, I don't have all the details-
MAES: But we were properly wrestling, after a point.
MAES: I knew that this was it, as disadvantaged as I was strength-wise.
MAES: I knew that if I didn't act, she'd make it so that I could never get up again.
MAES: My plan to attack her head was out of the question in the position she put me in, but I couldn't just quit.
MAES: I bit her hard enough to nearly rip off one of her hands, and the chaos of it all ended up leading to me pinning her against a window, even with the height difference.
 

They take a deep breath.

MAES: While it was underground, our family's apartment overlooked a horror pit.
MAES: The windows were meant to be durable, but they were put in decades prior, before tech had gotten to the same level it was at that point in time.
MAES: I realized in that moment, that there was a chance-
 

The feeling of Anya’s “pearl” bracelets digging into their palms as they gripped their mother’s wrists.
The snarling and gnashing of teeth from the far larger parody, an unholy canine force to be reckoned with.

MAES: I managed to break it, using every fiber of my strength.
MAES: I could feel every part of myself burning, the strain enough to make me scream and cry...
MAES: How I managed it, I'm still not sure.
MAES: Chance, luck, I don't know.
PAPAYA: Adrenaline, survival, you can pin it on any number of reasons why it happened but you knew you needed to win this one time more than anything else.
MAES: I don't think she expected it.
MAES: For years, I had only rebelled against her in ways she could never pick up on.  
MAES: And this time, I did win.
MAES: At first, I wondered if I was just dreaming it.
MAES: That there was no way I could have pushed her into the pit.

 

The silence as Anya fell, the uncertainty of it all- no screaming to indicate distance. No sounds of her hitting any surfaces.

Just quiet.

For what felt like hours.

MAES: I think I stayed in that room for a long time after, waiting to see if she'd climb back up.
PAPAYA: And she never did.
MAES: It didn't feel real.
PAPAYA: Course not.
PAPAYA: You were suddenly free.
MAES: It took me two...no, three days before I realized I had to get moving.
MAES: While the staff was used to Anya ducking out of communications to work on her projects uninterrupted, the longer I waited, the worse it would get.
MAES: I made my way to Synna's room during hours where no one would notice or suspect anything, and the two of us made our way to the surface after gathering necessary clearance from Anya's office.
MAES: We looked so terrible that the hospital staff aboveground let us have some free food and drink, and I was able to present documentation saying that I was Anya's successor.
MAES: She had planned for me to take over in the near future- but I knew that if I did so under her grip, it would be even worse than before.
MAES: The documents held up.
MAES: Synna had forged my mother’s signature perfectly.
MAES: People were apprehensive, but they passed the ownership of the lab to me.
MAES: ...I was barely 19.
 

Too young for any of it.
But I had no choice.
If I hadn’t-
Someone else from the cult would have.
And then…we’d all be back to square one.

PAPAYA: How did people react to Anya's passing?
MAES: Many people opposed the new leadership, but what could they do? It was in her writing, and, well…
MAES: A lot of people from aboveground mourned.
MAES: People came to me with grief, apologies, condolences.
MAES: When they approached in good faith, they wanted to tell me how wonderful my mother was, and how much she must have loved me to keep me out of the spotlight until I was "ready".
MAES: To them, she was a hero. A god, even.
PAPAYA: And they'll never know the truth.
MAES: Not until I do that eventual press release…
PAPAYA: For what it's worth, she deserves to have her reputation burned into the ground.
MAES: I'm half expecting people to call me ungrateful.
PAPAYA: They could try... but then your siblings have plenty to say on the matter too.
MAES: A spotlight they never asked for…
PAPAYA: No, I suppose not.
MAES: ...but she's dead, and that does mean a lot to them.
MAES: The majority of the Devil's Advocacy staff got out as soon as they heard of me on the surface.
MAES: I was too young and inexperienced to stop them, and I...didn't know what to do with them, anyway.
MAES: My gut said to execute them, but I was still shaken from my mother's death.
MAES: So they escaped.
PAPAYA: The ones who stayed behind?
MAES: ...I let my remaining siblings choose what to do with them.
MAES: Maybe the cruel option, but...
PAPAYA: Mm... there's no real good answers under the circumstances.
MAES: I figured that letting them choose would be more...appropriate, considering the ones that stayed weren't ones I was as familiar with.
MAES: It was a mix of those who cared about my siblings in their own strange ways and those who thought they could stand up to me.
PAPAYA: Resolve things based on who made a good or bad impression.
MAES: Exactly.
MAES: Most of them were...dealt with, but some were allowed to leave.
MAES: Some stayed on as rehabilitation staff.
PAPAYA: Take that the latter were the ones who really cared in the end.
MAES: They proved themselves.
PAPAYA: Which brings us to current day, where I'm sitting in front of you to see if I'm fit to be part of this myself.
MAES: Mm.
 

They exhale, as if they'd been holding their breath this whole time.

MAES: Here we are.
PAPAYA: You held up really well through that, I'm surprised you didn't need to stop.
MAES: ...
 

Their claws are visibly digging into their legs.

PAPAYA: ...Do you want me to lower the intensity?
MAES: ...maybe it'd be a good idea.
 

The room restores to its neutral state, blank and without any outside noise.

PAPAYA: I'm really proud of you for being able to talk about something like that today.
PAPAYA: You've made so much progress in such a short amount of time.
MAES: ...it does feel better overall, but…
 

They rub their temple, face scrunching up.

MAES: It...it's complicated to explain what I'm feeling right now.
PAPAYA: Try your best even if it doesn't feel like it makes sense in words.
MAES: To you, this must have seemed like a momentous thing.
MAES: Of course, it was hard, there's no doubt about that...
MAES: ...but this is just how the course of my life went.
MAES: Other people have things like happy holidays, and normal schooling, and lots of friendships and dating and all of this stuff-
MAES: I have this.
MAES: A giant stretch of my life, marred by actions outside of my control.
MAES: I will never be able to sit at a table and talk about things with others without it being like this- a big deal.
PAPAYA: It doesn't have to be that going forward.
PAPAYA: You and Judgment spend plenty of time looking into dates and mundane moments together, no?
MAES: Of course…
PAPAYA: You can never get that past back, but you can do everything and anything possible with the freedom you have now.
PAPAYA: You will go on dates and have holidays to enjoy and meet people who you'll feel close enough to share your feelings.
PAPAYA: You've recently reconnected with Synna again.
PAPAYA: You and your siblings all have stories like this to tell, but I won't let it be what defines you all in the future.
 

Maes is quiet for a moment, not saying a word in response, and letting their head hang.

PAPAYA: ...Doctor?
 

They sniffle.

PAPAYA: Are you okay?
MAES: It's...thank you.

They feel around for Charon's hand.

Charon goes for a proper hug.

CHARON: I've got you, boss...
 

They bury their head in his shoulder, trying to hide the fact that they’re starting to cry. The dog does his best to comfort them as Papaya goes silent, unsure what to say.

MAES: Th…
 

They try to speak again after a few minutes, choking down a little noise of emotion before continuing.

MAES: Thank you, Papaya.
MAES: That...meant a lot to hear.
MAES: I got emotional.
PAPAYA: You're allowed to, it's healthy.
MAES: It feels like I've been doing a lot more of it since coming here...
PAPAYA: It's been built up for so long.
MAES: And now I can breathe.
MAES: At least, a little easier.
PAPAYA: You should do something nice for yourself after this.
MAES: ...I think I'll order some dinner tonight, and ask Synna and Judgment if they want to watch more of those cartoons.
 

A little smile sneaks on their face.

MAES: That...sounds like it would be easy.
MAES: With the audio description Synna found, I'm surprisingly enjoying them a fair bit...
PAPAYA: That sounds wonderful.
MAES: I mean...it's as you said- I can start making new memories for myself now, right?
PAPAYA: You can and you should!
MAES: I did already take the rest of the week off in case this would be too much…
PAPAYA: It's just good self care, really.
MAES: It's never been something I'm good at, and- I'm still...avoidant, of certain things.
MAES: If it doesn't involve Judgment prodding me to do it, I struggle...
PAPAYA: It'll take time, but the fact that you're taking those steps makes a world of difference.
MAES: We'll see...
 

They exhale again, straightening out their back.

MAES: We must have gone overtime today, haven't we?
PAPAYA: It's fine, you're not keeping any clients waiting.
MAES: Hah...I suppose not.
PAPAYA: Are you feeling worn out?
MAES: I feel like I've been hit by a truck, so, yes.
PAPAYA: We can wrap up here if you'd like then.
MAES: That sounds best...I should probably shower and take a nap before inviting Synna over.
PAPAYA: Mm, don't want to be exhausted for your fun evening.
 

Maes stays still so Charon can remove the neurons, only moving to subtly brush their cheek against his hand before he moves away.

Papaya lets out a deep exhale.

PAPAYA: This is our last session of the trial period... I do hope that you maintain this even if it's with another therapist.
MAES: We'd have to give you a few weeks to get a schedule going with the other residents, but...
MAES: I think I can do twice monthly, once that's resolved.
PAPAYA: So in other words…
MAES: Mm.
PAPAYA: I'll make this lab proud.
MAES: I'm sure of it.

[skinstealer]

[id: maes artag handing over a folder, with a slight smile on their face. the colors are warm, and inviting]

MAES: H..here we go...
 

The karacel takes a long exhale as they finish pushing the cart inside, giving a wave to the attendant acting as sight guide on their way over.

MAES: All of the rehab documents. Judgment would have come with me, but there was an emergency with some sort of rec room incident down below…
PAPAYA: Should I be worried?
PAPAYA: Emergency with his occupation makes me feel like I should...
MAES: From what I can tell, it's the result of people getting into watching boxing on the TVs we have down there...just some roughhousing gone a bit too far.
PAPAYA: Ah, that's pretty typical then.
PAPAYA: Mind if I take a look at some of these documents?
MAES: By all means- I tried to write down notes of particular importance when I thought it'd be necessary.
 

Maes can hear Papaya picking up and taking a look through a folder- mostly skimming from the speed of which papers are being flipped- but getting a good gauge of what they had to work with.

PAPAYA: You keep a good paper trail here.
MAES: We try to.
MAES: We really want all of our residents to have a good life...
MAES: While many of them don't particularly want to interact with me specifically, I ask a lot of questions and require all staff involved to take down as much information as possible.
PAPAYA: I should have plenty to work with.
MAES: ...I included another file, as well.

They sift through the top box, letting their hands trace the touch script tabs before handing over a particularly thick one.

Papaya’s silent, presumably running their own fingers along the front.

It’s titled simply: "MAES ARTAG".

PAPAYA: You really want to continue with sessions?
MAES: Mm, as I promised last time...
MAES: This is a translation of a combination of the notes my mother took, along with the ones I followed up with once I started to feel benefits from therapy.
MAES: ...some of my own are somewhat crass, I didn't exactly expect to be handing them over...
MAES: But if we're to continue, I figure you should have some further understanding of what worked and what didn't, and the overall effects.
PAPAYA: Of course, I'm glad to keep doing this with you.
MAES: Your main priority should, of course, be the residents.
MAES: They need this more than I do...
MAES: But I'd be lying if I said this didn't also help me significantly.
MAES: There were some points after sessions where I considered quitting, to be frank...where the whiplash from the session made me feel sick.
MAES: But once I got through it, I felt...maybe not better per se, but like I had made a step forward.
PAPAYA: You'll all be receiving the best I can give treatment-wise, no exceptions.
 

They can't help but smile, albeit softly.

MAES: I'm glad I took this chance.
MAES: It's strange, but…
PAPAYA: But?
 

I...finally feel like I can let go.

MAES: ...it's nothing.
 

They shake their head, their look softening further.

MAES: I know that you'll take good care of them.
PAPAYA: Mm.. I imagine plenty will be reluctant to do this at first.
MAES: Don't expect them to be as easy.
PAPAYA: I don't ever expect an easy job.
MAES: That's what I want to hear.
 

They pull their cane out of their coat pocket, extending it out to full length.

MAES: Is there anything else you need from me?
PAPAYA: Just a question or two.
MAES: Oh?
PAPAYA: It might be redundant to ask considering you hired me... do you think I'll fit well with the people of this lab?
MAES: I think so. I know that Synna's been dying to have a proper conversation with you, though she's said she'd rather keep things casual.
PAPAYA: I suppose that's overdue after getting to know you and Judgment these past months.
MAES: If it helps at all...I can introduce you to the rehab's faculty soon.
PAPAYA: Could you?
PAPAYA: I've met some but it feels important to know them properly.
MAES: I could probably arrange a lunch meeting, if you like.
PAPAYA: That'd be good.
MAES: I'll see what I can do, then.
MAES: You said possibly two questions, what's the other?
PAPAYA: Did your night with Judgment and Synna go well?
MAES: ...admittedly, I had to stop early.
 

Even so, their smile doesn't fade- their expression simply turning bittersweet.

MAES: The emotional impact of the session caught up with me.
MAES: But...both of them were accommodating.
MAES: We decided to read together in the same room, just so that I wouldn't be alone.
PAPAYA: You're lucky to have people like that in your life.
MAES: I think that's finally sinking in...
MAES: ...I'm a lot more fortunate than I've given myself credit for.
MAES: Even with everything…
PAPAYA: Keep that with you.
MAES: Going forward...
MAES: I don't think I could let it go if I tried.