[SIDESTORY] Morbit Oneshots

[SHIVERS]

Lockout - 2020
Shivers, Patchwork Kernel
Content warnings: intrusive thoughts, anxiety, dissociation, parental neglect
13-year-old Juno tries to do some bonding.

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Your hands are trembling.
You clench them, trying not to drop what you're holding.
You know how this is going to go.

You freeze up in the hallway and look down at the movie cases.
Maybe you could've picked better.
Maybe she won't be interested, or maybe she's just busy right now.

Doesn't matter. You already spent the money to rent them.
And this is the stuff she likes, you don't really care to watch them on your own.
Now or never.

You take a breath and head around the corner.
Her door is open. You can see her sitting in bed on her laptop. 
It's dark outside, so her little pink lamp is lighting up the entire room.
You hear some local weather report on her TV, and the bedside fan humming, pointed at her.
You step into the doorway and lightly tap on the doorframe, just to gently let her know you're there.

She doesn't look up. 
She usually didn't.
"H... Hey, so..." Your train of thought immediately derails.
"Uh..."
Find the words, already.
This isn't hard.
Literally all you have to do is ask her.
You already spent the money.
"So... I rented some movies. Three of 'em." You hold them up.
She doesn't look up.
"I... I think it's stuff I remember you saying you liked. You can pick whichever one looks best, o-or I could go get another one from the rental place."
She starts typing.
You idly stare at the TV, trying to give her time to respond.
Weather report. Hot again tomorrow. Hotter the rest of the week. 
It's always hot here.
She doesn't respond.

"W-We, um..."
Stop fucking stuttering.
You clear your throat, and try again.
"I know we haven't done much in a while, so... I figure it'd be good to... spend some time together." 
"...I miss... um..."
Don't say that.
You trail off.
She doesn't look up.

"...Mom?"
"Mm." She doesn't look at you.
"Did you... did you hear--"

You shut up as she sits up in a slight stretch, looking physically uncomfortable.
"Would you rub my shoulders?" She asks.


You're beyond confused.
But only for a moment.

Right.
She usually asks.
"Your brother won't do it anymore. You're better at it than he is, anyways."
She still doesn't look at you.
She usually doesn't look at you.

"I don't... really feel like it right now."
"Ugh." She says, sounding minorly inconvenienced; as if she'd just spilled her drink.



You start to back up and leave, but you realize how late it is.

You should say it. 
It's good to say it.
You've always said it.

You turn back to her.
"Goodnight. I hope you sleep good."
"Mm."


You hesitate.


"...Love you."


You wait.






Maybe she just didn't hear you.

It doesn't really matter if she says it, anyways.
She just hasn't said it in a long time.
But it's okay.
You know she loves you.
You know you matter to her.
That's enough.


That should be enough.



 

---

You finally leave, trudging around the corner into the dining room.
You drop the movies on the table, slump into one of the chairs, and stare at the floor.

You feel tired.

You feel numb.



You don't know how long you were staring.
It felt like no time had passed.
Her voice snaps you out of it, sounding legitimately distressed.
She's still in her room, probably on the phone.

"...worried sick!" 
She must've called Winter.

"You go out so late all the time and I just wait up for you, wondering where you are, if you're hurt or not!"
She's almost crying. 
She's almost never like this.
"...Are you at least coming home tonight? 
...Fine. Fine, then. 
If you're with them, then that's fine, but you need to tell me when you... 
...Fine."
You think she hung up.
You can hear her sniffling.

You stand, ready to run in and tell her that it's okay.
That Winter doesn't mean it. That he'll be okay.
And that you'll always be here with her. That you're not going anywhere.

But you stop.

That's it.
That's how.
Then she'd call, and you'd know for sure.

Can't do it yet. Not right this second. That'd look suspicious.

You get back to your room and let your phone charge for an hour or so.
Once the battery's topped up, you quietly head out of your room.
You look down the hall. Her light was still on.
It was only 11 PM. It's the weekend, so she'd be up for at least another couple of hours.

You open the back door and step out, then slam it behind you.
You know she heard that.
She'd complained at you and Winter too many times for slamming that door.
You make your way into the dirt alley behind your house and just start walking.
 

---

This is stupid.
You know how stupid this is.
She could get really really mad at you. You could get grounded for a week. Winter was older so he got special privelege and even he would probably get in trouble when he got home.
All to prove that she cares about you.
Of course she cares. She's going to call you and chew you out. Or you're going to make her cry, you jerk.


You just want her to call.

You won't do this again. Getting grounded is fine.
You just want her to show it.
And she will. She'll call.

Just need to kill some time.



You walk a bunch of laps along the park trail, then get bored.
You leave and just start walking down the road.
You've never been out this late before. You never do anything like this.
It's kind of fun, though.
...But also a little scary.
No one in this tiny town was ever out past midnight, and it had to be later than that by now.

You finally check the time.
It's 3:36 AM.


You stop.

Still no call.

But she had to be asleep by now.




Maybe she's just waiting at home.
Ready to chew you out.
You don't want to stay out any longer, anyways. She's probably worried sick.
 

---

You hurry back home.
Maybe her phone stopped working.

Down the back alley.
It looks like all the lights in the house are off.

Past your backyard.
Maybe she only has her lamp on.

Around to the backdoor. 
You turn the knob.


You try to turn the knob.

It won't budge.





It's locked.
















She locked you out.










You sit down under the carport, on the concrete.
You sit for a long, long time.





You could call her.
Or tap on her window to wake her up and let you in.



No, she'd be upset with you.
For waking her up.

You stand back up.
And head into the backyard.

It's fine.
You always leave the bathroom window unlocked.
After the last time.
When you came back from a friend's house. 
And this happened.

She forgot you, then, too. 
Or maybe it just didn't matter to her.
You climb back in through the window.
You slam your head on the bottom of the window in the process. 
It hurts, but you're too tired to worry about that.

You can just get some sleep.
You should've done that in the first place.

Once you're back in the house, you step out of the bathroom.
You see the movies you rented on the dining table, where you left them.






It's fine.



It was stupid of you.



You knew how this was all going to go.






You won't try again.