[PCA] REMEDY HOUR

[skinstealer]

[id: a black and white image featuring a silhouetted young maes kneeling on the ground, in front of a shattered window. the imagery is striking and abstract, the window seeming to overwhelm the image.]

Maes grips the handle of their cane tightly, walking into their therapist's office with Charon in tow.

Today's the day.

Noticing their mood, Charon gives them a little shoulder bump for comfort.

MAES: ...thank you.
 

They keep their voice down to a whisper, taking a deep breath before sitting on the now very-familiar couch.

Papaya sits across as usual, putting aside some paperwork they were working on last minute.

PAPAYA: Morning doctor.
PAPAYA: Are you ready?
 

Hell of a question for today…

MAES: I...think so.
PAPAYA: Is something on your mind?
MAES: It always feels like there's something, but...yes. I spent a lot of time talking with Judgment and Synna about today's session, and the program as a whole.
PAPAYA: Mm…
MAES: Are you okay with hearing about the last of this?
MAES: What lead me to where I am now?
PAPAYA: As much as I'll ever be.
MAES: You may have to handle worse from the other residents.
MAES: In a sense, this is your final test before we evaluate the effectiveness of the project.
PAPAYA: I know what I've signed up for at this point.
PAPAYA: I've spent my time getting to know folks, learning what I can about the history of its people.
PAPAYA: Nothing is going to be an easy job, I understand that loud and clear...
PAPAYA: But I didn't come here because I expected that.
PAPAYA: I came because I want to give people the tools to manage years of hardship that hasn't been resolved inside.
MAES: ...you have done that, for me.
 

The slightest smile creeps onto their face.

MAES: I open this topic so firmly because of the gravity of this situation, but...I am appreciative.
MAES: This is a very tense topic for me, and I haven't even really told the full story to Judgment yet, either.
MAES: This will be a retelling for both of you.
PAPAYA: Mm.. I'm as ready as I can be.
PAPAYA: Should Judgment attach the neurons?
MAES: Yes, please.

Charon does his job as usual, the process feeling much heavier this time than any before. He gives Maes a little pat on the shoulders before sitting back down next to them.

Papaya flicks on the switch.

PAPAYA: We're live.
 

Maes takes another deep breath.

MAES: The longer Lina helped me get my bearings with my injuries, the more testy my mother got.
MAES: She never picked up on the specific training we were doing together, but she knew something was off with me.
MAES: I got sneakier and sneakier, and she continued to crack down wherever she could.
MAES: ...eventually, I realized it had to stop.
 

The room crackled and snarled, twisting into a hallway, surrounded by fragments of gnarled and blood splattered chambers. A bubbling backing track hangs in the air, filled with a hymn of air conditioning.

They grip their thighs, just a bit.

It’s fine.
It’s fine, I can do this.
Just this one big push.

PAPAYA: The intensity is a bit high right now, should I lower it?
MAES: No.
MAES: I can take it.
PAPAYA: Continue then, remember you have full control of this session.

They nod, taking a moment to gather themself before continuing.

MAES: I didn't know how I was going to do it.
MAES: After all, she was so much stronger than me, and had done everything in her power to assert that.
MAES: ...as far as she knew.
MAES: I remembered from Melanie…
 

They tap the side of their head.

MAES: Parodies, mimics, whatever you want to call them- like my mother- supposedly have no vitals, no brains or organs to speak of- similar to myself, Mason, and Melanie’s makeup.
MAES: I knew that if I had any chance at all…
MAES: It’d be the head.
PAPAYA: So you took matters into your own hands from there.
MAES: I considered doing it while she slept, most of the time.
MAES: Or figuring out how to slip some kind of drug into her food to knock her unconscious- but I ruled those out.
MAES: She was an exceedingly light sleeper and I didn't even know if drugs would work on her.
MAES: Eventually, she gave me no choice.
MAES: We had gotten into another argument- about what, I can't remember anymore.
MAES: It feels so secondary to what happened next.
PAPAYA: Mm.
MAES: She...
MAES: Usually, it was just a quick blow when she got physical.
MAES: Enough to hurt, but never enough to make a mess.
MAES: But I had gotten sick on her work.
MAES: It had been getting worse for years after the shell tightening, to the point of me not being able to control when I'd be ill.
MAES:  She was furious.
PAPAYA: So what happened from there?
MAES: It was kind of a rush, I don't have all the details-
MAES: But we were properly wrestling, after a point.
MAES: I knew that this was it, as disadvantaged as I was strength-wise.
MAES: I knew that if I didn't act, she'd make it so that I could never get up again.
MAES: My plan to attack her head was out of the question in the position she put me in, but I couldn't just quit.
MAES: I bit her hard enough to nearly rip off one of her hands, and the chaos of it all ended up leading to me pinning her against a window, even with the height difference.
 

They take a deep breath.

MAES: While it was underground, our family's apartment overlooked a horror pit.
MAES: The windows were meant to be durable, but they were put in decades prior, before tech had gotten to the same level it was at that point in time.
MAES: I realized in that moment, that there was a chance-
 

The feeling of Anya’s “pearl” bracelets digging into their palms as they gripped their mother’s wrists.
The snarling and gnashing of teeth from the far larger parody, an unholy canine force to be reckoned with.

MAES: I managed to break it, using every fiber of my strength.
MAES: I could feel every part of myself burning, the strain enough to make me scream and cry...
MAES: How I managed it, I'm still not sure.
MAES: Chance, luck, I don't know.
PAPAYA: Adrenaline, survival, you can pin it on any number of reasons why it happened but you knew you needed to win this one time more than anything else.
MAES: I don't think she expected it.
MAES: For years, I had only rebelled against her in ways she could never pick up on.  
MAES: And this time, I did win.
MAES: At first, I wondered if I was just dreaming it.
MAES: That there was no way I could have pushed her into the pit.

 

The silence as Anya fell, the uncertainty of it all- no screaming to indicate distance. No sounds of her hitting any surfaces.

Just quiet.

For what felt like hours.

MAES: I think I stayed in that room for a long time after, waiting to see if she'd climb back up.
PAPAYA: And she never did.
MAES: It didn't feel real.
PAPAYA: Course not.
PAPAYA: You were suddenly free.
MAES: It took me two...no, three days before I realized I had to get moving.
MAES: While the staff was used to Anya ducking out of communications to work on her projects uninterrupted, the longer I waited, the worse it would get.
MAES: I made my way to Synna's room during hours where no one would notice or suspect anything, and the two of us made our way to the surface after gathering necessary clearance from Anya's office.
MAES: We looked so terrible that the hospital staff aboveground let us have some free food and drink, and I was able to present documentation saying that I was Anya's successor.
MAES: She had planned for me to take over in the near future- but I knew that if I did so under her grip, it would be even worse than before.
MAES: The documents held up.
MAES: Synna had forged my mother’s signature perfectly.
MAES: People were apprehensive, but they passed the ownership of the lab to me.
MAES: ...I was barely 19.
 

Too young for any of it.
But I had no choice.
If I hadn’t-
Someone else from the cult would have.
And then…we’d all be back to square one.

PAPAYA: How did people react to Anya's passing?
MAES: Many people opposed the new leadership, but what could they do? It was in her writing, and, well…
MAES: A lot of people from aboveground mourned.
MAES: People came to me with grief, apologies, condolences.
MAES: When they approached in good faith, they wanted to tell me how wonderful my mother was, and how much she must have loved me to keep me out of the spotlight until I was "ready".
MAES: To them, she was a hero. A god, even.
PAPAYA: And they'll never know the truth.
MAES: Not until I do that eventual press release…
PAPAYA: For what it's worth, she deserves to have her reputation burned into the ground.
MAES: I'm half expecting people to call me ungrateful.
PAPAYA: They could try... but then your siblings have plenty to say on the matter too.
MAES: A spotlight they never asked for…
PAPAYA: No, I suppose not.
MAES: ...but she's dead, and that does mean a lot to them.
MAES: The majority of the Devil's Advocacy staff got out as soon as they heard of me on the surface.
MAES: I was too young and inexperienced to stop them, and I...didn't know what to do with them, anyway.
MAES: My gut said to execute them, but I was still shaken from my mother's death.
MAES: So they escaped.
PAPAYA: The ones who stayed behind?
MAES: ...I let my remaining siblings choose what to do with them.
MAES: Maybe the cruel option, but...
PAPAYA: Mm... there's no real good answers under the circumstances.
MAES: I figured that letting them choose would be more...appropriate, considering the ones that stayed weren't ones I was as familiar with.
MAES: It was a mix of those who cared about my siblings in their own strange ways and those who thought they could stand up to me.
PAPAYA: Resolve things based on who made a good or bad impression.
MAES: Exactly.
MAES: Most of them were...dealt with, but some were allowed to leave.
MAES: Some stayed on as rehabilitation staff.
PAPAYA: Take that the latter were the ones who really cared in the end.
MAES: They proved themselves.
PAPAYA: Which brings us to current day, where I'm sitting in front of you to see if I'm fit to be part of this myself.
MAES: Mm.
 

They exhale, as if they'd been holding their breath this whole time.

MAES: Here we are.
PAPAYA: You held up really well through that, I'm surprised you didn't need to stop.
MAES: ...
 

Their claws are visibly digging into their legs.

PAPAYA: ...Do you want me to lower the intensity?
MAES: ...maybe it'd be a good idea.
 

The room restores to its neutral state, blank and without any outside noise.

PAPAYA: I'm really proud of you for being able to talk about something like that today.
PAPAYA: You've made so much progress in such a short amount of time.
MAES: ...it does feel better overall, but…
 

They rub their temple, face scrunching up.

MAES: It...it's complicated to explain what I'm feeling right now.
PAPAYA: Try your best even if it doesn't feel like it makes sense in words.
MAES: To you, this must have seemed like a momentous thing.
MAES: Of course, it was hard, there's no doubt about that...
MAES: ...but this is just how the course of my life went.
MAES: Other people have things like happy holidays, and normal schooling, and lots of friendships and dating and all of this stuff-
MAES: I have this.
MAES: A giant stretch of my life, marred by actions outside of my control.
MAES: I will never be able to sit at a table and talk about things with others without it being like this- a big deal.
PAPAYA: It doesn't have to be that going forward.
PAPAYA: You and Judgment spend plenty of time looking into dates and mundane moments together, no?
MAES: Of course…
PAPAYA: You can never get that past back, but you can do everything and anything possible with the freedom you have now.
PAPAYA: You will go on dates and have holidays to enjoy and meet people who you'll feel close enough to share your feelings.
PAPAYA: You've recently reconnected with Synna again.
PAPAYA: You and your siblings all have stories like this to tell, but I won't let it be what defines you all in the future.
 

Maes is quiet for a moment, not saying a word in response, and letting their head hang.

PAPAYA: ...Doctor?
 

They sniffle.

PAPAYA: Are you okay?
MAES: It's...thank you.

They feel around for Charon's hand.

Charon goes for a proper hug.

CHARON: I've got you, boss...
 

They bury their head in his shoulder, trying to hide the fact that they’re starting to cry. The dog does his best to comfort them as Papaya goes silent, unsure what to say.

MAES: Th…
 

They try to speak again after a few minutes, choking down a little noise of emotion before continuing.

MAES: Thank you, Papaya.
MAES: That...meant a lot to hear.
MAES: I got emotional.
PAPAYA: You're allowed to, it's healthy.
MAES: It feels like I've been doing a lot more of it since coming here...
PAPAYA: It's been built up for so long.
MAES: And now I can breathe.
MAES: At least, a little easier.
PAPAYA: You should do something nice for yourself after this.
MAES: ...I think I'll order some dinner tonight, and ask Synna and Judgment if they want to watch more of those cartoons.
 

A little smile sneaks on their face.

MAES: That...sounds like it would be easy.
MAES: With the audio description Synna found, I'm surprisingly enjoying them a fair bit...
PAPAYA: That sounds wonderful.
MAES: I mean...it's as you said- I can start making new memories for myself now, right?
PAPAYA: You can and you should!
MAES: I did already take the rest of the week off in case this would be too much…
PAPAYA: It's just good self care, really.
MAES: It's never been something I'm good at, and- I'm still...avoidant, of certain things.
MAES: If it doesn't involve Judgment prodding me to do it, I struggle...
PAPAYA: It'll take time, but the fact that you're taking those steps makes a world of difference.
MAES: We'll see...
 

They exhale again, straightening out their back.

MAES: We must have gone overtime today, haven't we?
PAPAYA: It's fine, you're not keeping any clients waiting.
MAES: Hah...I suppose not.
PAPAYA: Are you feeling worn out?
MAES: I feel like I've been hit by a truck, so, yes.
PAPAYA: We can wrap up here if you'd like then.
MAES: That sounds best...I should probably shower and take a nap before inviting Synna over.
PAPAYA: Mm, don't want to be exhausted for your fun evening.
 

Maes stays still so Charon can remove the neurons, only moving to subtly brush their cheek against his hand before he moves away.

Papaya lets out a deep exhale.

PAPAYA: This is our last session of the trial period... I do hope that you maintain this even if it's with another therapist.
MAES: We'd have to give you a few weeks to get a schedule going with the other residents, but...
MAES: I think I can do twice monthly, once that's resolved.
PAPAYA: So in other words…
MAES: Mm.
PAPAYA: I'll make this lab proud.
MAES: I'm sure of it.