[PCA] REMEDY HOUR

[skinstealer]

[image id: a memory of holding the scarred hand of a now deceased relative. the background is torn in texture and splattered with stains like blood spilled against shards of broken glass.]

MAES: ...morning, Papaya.
PAPAYA: Good morning, on time as always.
MAES: Mm.
 

Maes crosses their legs and sets their hands in their lap, looking...oddly distant.

I have to take this on today.
My mind won’t let me fucking sleep until I do.
I have to do this.
It’ll be.
It’ll be fine.

PAPAYA: ...Have anything in mind for our session today?
MAES: Yes, but...
PAPAYA: Mm?
MAES: It's...a bit beyond what we've talked about so far.
PAPAYA: Harder subject?
MAES: Very.
MAES: But...it's been getting to me this week.
MAES: I’ve been having nightmares, and I feel like they won't go away until I address it.
PAPAYA: Mm.. Is there anything you want with you before our session starts?
PAPAYA: It sounds like you need that.
MAES: Judgment here, obviously...could I rest on his lap again?
PAPAYA: Mmhmm.
CHARON: Of course, Boss.
 

They let out a long exhale as they settled onto his lap, clasping their hands together.

MAES: Okay.
MAES: Is there any topic I should outright avoid?
 

From the sound of Papaya’s next words, they’re concerned.

PAPAYA: What do you mean by that?
 

Here goes…

MAES: Just...it involves my sister's death.
MAES: Everything that lead up to it, the event itself, the aftermath...
PAPAYA: You're allowed to talk about anything, this is your time.
 

Another deep breath.

MAES: ...let's put the headset on, then.
 

There’s the sound of Papaya rustling with the headset, handing it over to Charon.

PAPAYA: Can you handle this Mr. Judgment?
CHARON: Of course.
 

The dog carefully places the first sticky piece on Maes.

CHARON: Going to be okay, Boss?
MAES: I...hope so.
MAES: I'm in good hands, at least.
 

Maes can hear Papaya make an appreciative sound, causing the karacel to smile, albeit strained, in turn.

Charon finishes up with the headset, giving his partner a little pat on the shoulder.

They unclasp their hands and reach one over for him to hold.

He holds on.

CHARON: You've talked about this before, you have this.
MAES: I know.
 

They close their eyes.

They’ve already listened to so much.
I-
I don’t want to be too stressful to work with-
I don’t want to be too much.

…but I have to keep going.

MAES: After Mason died, Mel and I became...very close.
MAES: She didn't remember anything from the escape attempt, aside from small bits and pieces.
MAES: Things like asking me where some of the people we traveled with went, and I never knew what to say.
MAES: ...I lied to her, often, with that.

The room shifts back, the air reminiscent of rooms and chambers from childhood. Whispers filled their ears, akin to the ones of various staff and interns afraid of invoking familiar wrath. Secret conversations of days of old echoed faintly.

Maes tenses up at the change, gripping Charon's hand.

MAES: She...never picked up on the fact that what I was saying was untrue, that I was hiding things to protect her.
MAES: I realize now that it was a condition, some kind of degradation over time- both physical and mental.
 

They still remember her smile, the pleasant expression of someone who didn’t realize she was being lied to.

MAES: I still feel guilty.
PAPAYA: Was it from the experimentation?
MAES: A side effect, yes.
MAES: For all our mother's testing, she never actually deduced what it was.
MAES: It was useful to her, after all.
MAES: Her usage of Mel's memory issues were deliberate- anything particularly momentous emotionally was just...erased from Mel's head, making her memories mostly be gently pleasant things.
MAES: Some moments of sadness broke through- but she was easily quelled.
MAES: It made her obedient, and up until her death, she was considered the perfect candidate for our mother's plans.

The echoes of the room shifts, dreadful footsteps through the hall leaking in, the chamber tightening its grip around them.

MAES: ...I think our mother wanted me to envy her, that she was getting "special treatment" that I should strive for.
 

The increasingly elaborate dresses, the bows, the frills-

MAES: But all it did was make me feel more sick.
PAPAYA: Did you at any point?
MAES: No.
MAES: Our mother's idea of special treatment, at best case, involved clothing that'd make me uncomfortable, especially regarding the terms that came with them.
PAPAYA: Likely contributed immensely to your feelings on gender today.
MAES: That's my thought on it as well, yes...
MAES: Most of the time though, getting a "reward" consisted of being taught something horrible about the job we were made for.
MAES: Melanie never grasped the full concept of it all, but retained enough of the language and terminology to parrot back things in conversation.
MAES: I hate it.
 

They spit the words out.

MAES: I hate that she was used at all, but especially used in that way.
PAPAYA: Terrible. Nobody should be treated as a tool like that.
MAES: Charon helped me track down her condition once we had more information from my mother's notes...
MAES: There's an extremely high track record of people being abused, in that situation.
MAES: Taking advantage of what's effectively comparable to brain damage and physical atrophy, even in species that don't have typical brain structures or muscles to begin with.
MAES: ...the more I learn, the more it makes me feel angry, even more so than dealing with the things I directly faced.
MAES: She didn't deserve that.
MAES: No one does.
 

The conditions of the room become increasingly turbulent, a strong gust of air whipping through Maes’ hair.

PAPAYA: You're allowed to be angry, that kind of mistreatment is immensely traumatic.
MAES: ...she was just a kid, you know?
MAES: We all were, but...
MAES: Even up until the end, when she could barely remember what was happening to her minute to minute, she was so happy to be alive, always wanting to please her mother.
MAES: Always wanting to make me smile.
PAPAYA: Never had the chance to know better.
MAES: Never.
 

A choke slips into their voice.

Charon squeezes their hand for comfort, Maes gripping it tight.

There’s a distinct crackle to the room now, one that would make anyone reconsider moving from the safety of their chair.

Papaya chimes in.

PAPAYA: You're looking quite tense, do you need a break yet?
MAES: If I take a break now, it feels like I'll never want to bring it up again.
PAPAYA: Then you're planning to push through?
MAES: It can't be any worse than the event itself.
PAPAYA: It's safe but... I'm checking in before we go any further.
MAES: Go ahead, then.
MAES: Check away.
PAPAYA: The room itself cannot hurt you, but it will play with your feelings.
PAPAYA: It will expose you in a controlled dose to your past but you will confront those memories.
PAPAYA: You can ask to return to a neutral state if it's too much.
PAPAYA: Are we clear on that before we continue?
MAES: I understand.
PAPAYA: Tell me more, then.
MAES: ...I mentioned the testing path Mel was on in one of our first sessions.
MAES: Regeneration.
PAPAYA: Mm.
MAES: She could regenerate any part of her body, no matter how injured it was.
MAES: ...almost anything.
PAPAYA: Did Anya....?
MAES: Nearly every two weeks, part of her was taken.
MAES: A lot of repeated cases, just to make sure enough data was collected...and every time, it would go well.
MAES: It never phased her, and even as the testing grew more extreme, she faced it with a smile.
PAPAYA: But..?
MAES: ...Our mother wanted to go further.
MAES: One last test.
 

Fragments of Anya’s voice start to rise up all around them, incomprehensible but distinctly hers.

Maes' hair stands on end, but they press forward, as if their life depends on it.

MAES: There was one thing she couldn't obtain, even as Spit's demon- the ability to bring back the dead.
MAES: She knew that the head was the closest thing to a vital point that people like us- those full of slime in lieu of organs- have.
MAES: Some species can survive without their heads, but all of the other maybecats who went under testing died as soon as decapitation happened.
MAES: It's...some kind of symbolic weak point, for a lot of species.
MAES: No one knows why it happens.
PAPAYA: She tried to resurrect her?
MAES: ...it didn't work.
MAES: Even though she had all the right tools at her disposal, all of the knowledge...it didn't work.
MAES: All of her effort, wasted in her eyes.
PAPAYA: Shouldn't have tried.
PAPAYA: Nobody's gotten perfect resurrection down, even just getting a body to breath again's a whole mess.
PAPAYA: Just cruel at that point.
MAES: ...Melanie wasn't really cognizant enough to register any pain, at least.
MAES: It was quick.
MAES: That's better than any of the other ways we could have gone out at our mother's hands.
MAES: ...cold comforts.
 

The voices all stop.

PAPAYA: I'm sorry.
MAES: …thank you.
 

The room's crackle seems to stop as well at that, the atmosphere still cold to bone chilling degree.

MAES: ...I recovered her body, recently.
MAES: I'm going to cremate it.
MAES: Give her a proper sendoff with Judgment and Synna.
PAPAYA: You managed to do that?
MAES: With Judgment's help, yes.
MAES: ...our mother had it preserved, so it's...in...a condition.
MAES: But I never liked that- keeping her like a little doll, even in death.
MAES: She deserves to be free, for once in her life.
PAPAYA: Mm.. you owe it to yourself to enjoy that freedom too.
PAPAYA: As much as it's a lot, the fact that you're still here means you should seize those opportunities.
MAES: ...I don't know if I'll ever feel free from it, honestly.
MAES: Not...as long as I work here.
PAPAYA: Would you ever want to move out?
MAES: I can't.
 

Their words come with complete conviction, enough to startle Maes themself.

PAPAYA: Mm... the job.
MAES: If I left before the rehabilitation program was finished...I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
MAES: Not a single restful night.
PAPAYA: And what about after all that?
 

They don’t speak.

After that…
Charon and I have talked about it from time to time.
But I-
This has been my entire life. Both the hell of it and then trying to fix things-
Is it even possible for there to be an end to it?

MAES: ...I don't know.
PAPAYA: Something to think on... for now I think you're taking the right steps you need to heal.
PAPAYA: You're doing what you can for others like you, getting closure as best you can for you and your siblings.
PAPAYA: But you shouldn't forget to take care of yourself and find things that make you happy too.
MAES: ...and what if I can't find that?
MAES: I have Judgment, and I'm reconnecting with Synna-
MAES: But...
MAES: ...what if it doesn't get better past this?
MAES: What then?
PAPAYA: I've seen your progress so far, I think you really do have the capacity to.
PAPAYA: It'll take some time and... to be honest I'd suggest continuing this even after our trial session, should you wish to but...
PAPAYA: You do deserve happiness.
PAPAYA: You and the family you've made here.
PAPAYA: Even if it's in your own way.
PAPAYA: It's only been a few sessions, but I'm proud of the work you've put in despite how hard it was to walk through that door at first.
 

They hesitate, letting out one of their long, exhausted sighs.

MAES: Thank you.
MAES: I'll consider keeping it up.
MAES: It is helping.
 

Charon gives Maes' hand another little squeeze of comfort. They return it, not as tightly as earlier.

Papaya clears their throat.

PAPAYA: I apologize if that was a bit much, but I do think the people in your life want to see things improve for you.
MAES: No, it's...you were fine.
MAES: It's just a lot to think about.
PAPAYA: Mm, it is…
MAES: ...are we done, for today?
MAES: The chamber seems to have settled down, some.
PAPAYA: If you'd like, we've probably hit our time by now.
MAES: I'd like to go home and spend the rest of my day with Judgment, then.
MAES: Let my mind clear up a bit
PAPAYA: Sounds good doctor, rest is more than merited after that.
PAPAYA: Resetting the room back to default.
 

The room’s tension fades away, Maes’ whole body unclenching.

 
MAES: ...thank you, again.
PAPAYA: Mmhmm.
PAPAYA: Please think about what I said a bit before the next session, alright?
MAES: I will.
MAES: I promise.