Discord
12-17-2022, 09:34 PM
You watch as everyone else filters inside to find a seat.
Avoiding making eye contact with her in the process.
"Hey, Murmur."
Your chest pounds rhythmically.
she isnt likely to chew us out.
we're a newbor--
No, that isn't quite right.
This may be your first stretch of time with a body,
but you can feel it,
you existed in some form long before that.
You're still getting used to this place, to language, to
all of it, really
but you aren't a child, much less a newborn.
You're certain of that much.
so, she could still chew us out, then
Yes, possibly.
It takes until now to recognize that you've been staring at your hands in silence for a solid minute or so.
Murmur has remained patiently waiting for you to speak,
idly glancing in at the crowd finding seats.
You pull your voice up from the depths, willing-
forcing yourself to speak.
"...I'm sorry about hitting you with the ball.
And I'm sorry I didn't say sorry until now.
I'm sorry I ran away instead of making sure you were ok,
but it's hard.
I don't-
I don't think I'm good with people.
With-
...being around people."
...
don't say it
why would we tell HER THAT--?
it's
It's good for us to tell her and talk about
we should Admit It.
WHY NOW WHY LIKE THIS I DONT THINK THATS GOING TO HELP--
it Will help and we Need to The First Step IS Admitting you Have a PROBLEM--
WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT--
IT IS NECESSARY--
NO, THIS IS STUPID--
"I HAVE ANXIETY." You yell.
Some from the crowd inside glance over.
The entryway is dark,
but your screen is lit up enough for them to see you clearly, you're sure.
A pang of embarrassment swirls into being and coils within you,
uncomfortably nestling itself there.
You feel a little sick.
WHY--
WE NEED IT--
Murmur's glowing eyes are wider than before.
You hastily continue speaking.
Though, your voice is
glitching
speeding up as your nerves race.
You don't want to speak.
But you do anyway.
"EVERYTHING IS NEW TO ME AND I'M TERRIFIED OF MESSING UP,
and when-
and when-
and Then I DID-
When something that just seemed like an idle thought turned into a huge mistake-
It-
It felt-
It felt-
It felt-
IT FEELS LIKE THE WORLD IS CRASHING DOWN AROUND ME--"
Gasping in air through your filter.
"I've only existed here for a FEW HOURS
and I already have SO much RESPONSIBILITY.
I want-
I want-
I want to do it RIGHT,
by-
but maybe I-
I want-
CAN'T I HAVE-
I NEED-
like a year-
A YEAR A FULL YEAR TWO WHOLE SEMESTERS-
like a Year to go to Not FUCKING E V E R Y T H I N G UP-
School."
You pant.
Your breath is shaky.
She clears her throat.
"Yes,
well,
that much was... fairly obvious to tell.
The anxiety, I mean.
And I imagine any amount of anxiety is natural, given all that you're dealing with.
I don't envy the position you're in.
...And, of course,
of course the apology is accepted.
Really, I should be the one apologizing.
We...
We had time.
In the stairwell.
I could have discussed it with you.
...I was upset- Well...
Really, I was...
...afraid."
Your heart sinks.
"...That was a mistake.
Being scared of you.
I have had time to think, and-
I cannot believe-
Cannot fathom, really,
how I accused you of... hurting me intentionally.
We have not known each other long, but-
I should have known better than that.
Vess, I do Trust You,
and I do hope you understand that.
What happened was a minor incident.
A minor accident.
And really, when it comes down to it... entirely understandable.
You are new here.
Mistakes Will happen.
And with all the pressure on you, everything that is being asked of you so quickly,
that chance is only magnified.
What concerns me, is that you're-
I do not want you to carry this with you as anything other than... a motivational incident.
Something that does spur you on to try and be more thoughtful and communicative amongst yourselves,
but does not... warrant any sort of guilt.
You apologized.
And you will not do that again.
That's the important part, isn't it?
So, there is no reason to feel guilty."
You want to speak up further.
Complain about yourself, how you dented her SKULL.
But you finally have managed to quiet yourself.
So, instead, you simply force yourself to nod.
"Excellent.
And... do let me know should you have anything you wish to talk over.
At any point, really!
I am sure we can find a soundproof-
Erm... a private space to do so.
With that out of the way,
onward to more exciting matters!"
Murmur fishes something out of her pocket.
Your face displays a '?' as you squint in the dark.
"I created this not long ago.
It's a chip that is designed to, well,
in simpler terms, 'sync up' with the xenial itself.
I was planning to use it for myself, to help me keep track of everything, but...
Well, when I saw that your body mostly follows volare lines,
I could not help myself.
You see, you have ports on the back of your neck, right at the base of your head."
You curiously reach a claw back in response,
finding what feel like small circular and rectangular holes there.
"Right there, yes."
It's unnerving.
"So... I modified this to fit you.
I did, also remove some of the features.
Those were passed along into a rudimentary duplicate version for myself,
as they would have been useless to you,
but, well,
I only had so much time before I was sure you and Model would finish selecting an outfit.
...Apologies, that's neither here nor there.
The point is that, this will have features you should find useful during your stay,
and I would very much enjoy installing it for you.
It's a delicate piece of hardware,
and given you only received this body recently and cannot exactly See the ports, yourself,
I-"
Murmur suddenly seems... bashful, of all things.
"...Well...
I would-
I hope it is not presumptuous of me to ask,
but...
Would you be opposed to me installing the chip myself?
Oh,
I should...
I should explain, shouldn't I?
Yes, I don't know for Certain that you would-
Right, yes-"
She clears her throat.
"Volare tend to see performing this act as... dictating closeness.
Not-
Not necessarily in... any particular direction, mind you!
It can be romantic, but can also be a familial act - such as between those that consider themselves siblings, for instance -
or simply indicative of very, very close platonic relationships.
So-
I do not know if you would feel the same way instinctively, given you are more volare than any other species,
from what I can tell, at least,
but... I figure it best not to assume, in either direction.
At any rate... you are more than welcome to say no,
regardless of how you may feel about the act itself; what it may mean to you, if anything.
But, I do want to reassure you,
that it does not have to mean anything, either.
More than anything,
I Do simply wish to install this for you.
It's... a functional act, more than anything, though-
Not that-
Not that I care nothing for you!
You DO matter to me!
We haven't known each other long, of course,
but I already care to think of you as a friend, and I would hope-
I am... talking far too much, aren't I?
Forgive me."
They let out a quick breath.
"At any rate:
Would you like me to install this for you, Vessel?
If not, I can... attempt to guide you through installing it yourself.
Or you can refuse this installation outright, of course.
I will respect your decision,
whatever it may be."
Avoiding making eye contact with her in the process.
"Hey, Murmur."
Your chest pounds rhythmically.
she isnt likely to chew us out.
we're a newbor--
No, that isn't quite right.
This may be your first stretch of time with a body,
but you can feel it,
you existed in some form long before that.
You're still getting used to this place, to language, to
all of it, really
but you aren't a child, much less a newborn.
You're certain of that much.
so, she could still chew us out, then
Yes, possibly.
It takes until now to recognize that you've been staring at your hands in silence for a solid minute or so.
Murmur has remained patiently waiting for you to speak,
idly glancing in at the crowd finding seats.
You pull your voice up from the depths, willing-
forcing yourself to speak.
"...I'm sorry about hitting you with the ball.
And I'm sorry I didn't say sorry until now.
I'm sorry I ran away instead of making sure you were ok,
but it's hard.
I don't-
I don't think I'm good with people.
With-
...being around people."
...
don't say it
why would we tell HER THAT--?
it's
It's good for us to tell her and talk about
we should Admit It.
WHY NOW WHY LIKE THIS I DONT THINK THATS GOING TO HELP--
it Will help and we Need to The First Step IS Admitting you Have a PROBLEM--
WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT--
IT IS NECESSARY--
NO, THIS IS STUPID--
"I HAVE ANXIETY." You yell.
Some from the crowd inside glance over.
The entryway is dark,
but your screen is lit up enough for them to see you clearly, you're sure.
A pang of embarrassment swirls into being and coils within you,
uncomfortably nestling itself there.
You feel a little sick.
WHY--
WE NEED IT--
Murmur's glowing eyes are wider than before.
You hastily continue speaking.
Though, your voice is
glitching
speeding up as your nerves race.
You don't want to speak.
But you do anyway.
"EVERYTHING IS NEW TO ME AND I'M TERRIFIED OF MESSING UP,
and when-
and when-
and Then I DID-
When something that just seemed like an idle thought turned into a huge mistake-
It-
It felt-
It felt-
It felt-
IT FEELS LIKE THE WORLD IS CRASHING DOWN AROUND ME--"
Gasping in air through your filter.
"I've only existed here for a FEW HOURS
and I already have SO much RESPONSIBILITY.
I want-
I want-
I want to do it RIGHT,
by-
but maybe I-
I want-
CAN'T I HAVE-
I NEED-
like a year-
A YEAR A FULL YEAR TWO WHOLE SEMESTERS-
like a Year to go to Not FUCKING E V E R Y T H I N G UP-
School."
You pant.
Your breath is shaky.
She clears her throat.
"Yes,
well,
that much was... fairly obvious to tell.
The anxiety, I mean.
And I imagine any amount of anxiety is natural, given all that you're dealing with.
I don't envy the position you're in.
...And, of course,
of course the apology is accepted.
Really, I should be the one apologizing.
We...
We had time.
In the stairwell.
I could have discussed it with you.
...I was upset- Well...
Really, I was...
...afraid."
Your heart sinks.
"...That was a mistake.
Being scared of you.
I have had time to think, and-
I cannot believe-
Cannot fathom, really,
how I accused you of... hurting me intentionally.
We have not known each other long, but-
I should have known better than that.
Vess, I do Trust You,
and I do hope you understand that.
What happened was a minor incident.
A minor accident.
And really, when it comes down to it... entirely understandable.
You are new here.
Mistakes Will happen.
And with all the pressure on you, everything that is being asked of you so quickly,
that chance is only magnified.
What concerns me, is that you're-
I do not want you to carry this with you as anything other than... a motivational incident.
Something that does spur you on to try and be more thoughtful and communicative amongst yourselves,
but does not... warrant any sort of guilt.
You apologized.
And you will not do that again.
That's the important part, isn't it?
So, there is no reason to feel guilty."
You want to speak up further.
Complain about yourself, how you dented her SKULL.
But you finally have managed to quiet yourself.
So, instead, you simply force yourself to nod.
"Excellent.
And... do let me know should you have anything you wish to talk over.
At any point, really!
I am sure we can find a soundproof-
Erm... a private space to do so.
With that out of the way,
onward to more exciting matters!"
Murmur fishes something out of her pocket.
Your face displays a '?' as you squint in the dark.
"I created this not long ago.
It's a chip that is designed to, well,
in simpler terms, 'sync up' with the xenial itself.
I was planning to use it for myself, to help me keep track of everything, but...
Well, when I saw that your body mostly follows volare lines,
I could not help myself.
You see, you have ports on the back of your neck, right at the base of your head."
You curiously reach a claw back in response,
finding what feel like small circular and rectangular holes there.
"Right there, yes."
It's unnerving.
"So... I modified this to fit you.
I did, also remove some of the features.
Those were passed along into a rudimentary duplicate version for myself,
as they would have been useless to you,
but, well,
I only had so much time before I was sure you and Model would finish selecting an outfit.
...Apologies, that's neither here nor there.
The point is that, this will have features you should find useful during your stay,
and I would very much enjoy installing it for you.
It's a delicate piece of hardware,
and given you only received this body recently and cannot exactly See the ports, yourself,
I-"
Murmur suddenly seems... bashful, of all things.
"...Well...
I would-
I hope it is not presumptuous of me to ask,
but...
Would you be opposed to me installing the chip myself?
Oh,
I should...
I should explain, shouldn't I?
Yes, I don't know for Certain that you would-
Right, yes-"
She clears her throat.
"Volare tend to see performing this act as... dictating closeness.
Not-
Not necessarily in... any particular direction, mind you!
It can be romantic, but can also be a familial act - such as between those that consider themselves siblings, for instance -
or simply indicative of very, very close platonic relationships.
So-
I do not know if you would feel the same way instinctively, given you are more volare than any other species,
from what I can tell, at least,
but... I figure it best not to assume, in either direction.
At any rate... you are more than welcome to say no,
regardless of how you may feel about the act itself; what it may mean to you, if anything.
But, I do want to reassure you,
that it does not have to mean anything, either.
More than anything,
I Do simply wish to install this for you.
It's... a functional act, more than anything, though-
Not that-
Not that I care nothing for you!
You DO matter to me!
We haven't known each other long, of course,
but I already care to think of you as a friend, and I would hope-
I am... talking far too much, aren't I?
Forgive me."
They let out a quick breath.
"At any rate:
Would you like me to install this for you, Vessel?
If not, I can... attempt to guide you through installing it yourself.
Or you can refuse this installation outright, of course.
I will respect your decision,
whatever it may be."
