Crankshaft Memory [Crankshaft Rafflesian Rework}

[ThreadLurkingComorant]

 Jam: Alright, I’m ready.

Jam: I don’t want to make this too long cause I know I’ve brought this up plenty..

Lupe: It’s fine.

Jam: Still just..

Jam: I guess at the end of the day it sucks that I grew up with people being so weird about me.

Jam: Neither of us grew up exactly popular but even at home…

Jam: Would’ve meant a lot of after a rough day at school I could talk about things but… not even Lex really got to do much of that either.

Jam: Parents didn’t always understand, especially when it got rough. Hell, there’s been times where we didn’t even know exactly what’s up…

Jam: Those are always scary to think about in retrospect.

Jam: A lot of friends we met online mattered when it happened.

Jam: Meant the world even to just have someone.

Jam: But at the end of the day our parents were the ones who could’ve really made the most impact you know? They had more say and voice when troubles at school or with friends came up but…

Jam: I dunno.

Jam: I think there were times when I showed up that they got a bit weird about me. Even if they didn’t really have any way to confirm it wasn’t Lex, they’d hear me act a bit off and tell me I needed to sleep early, or ask me if I took my meds.

Lupe: Just out of curiosity, what were you taking at the time?

Jam: Adderall but that made us fighty. Whole bunch of stuff for anxiety and anti-psychotics. Mood stabilizers, we weren’t a fan of a lot of it.

Jam: These days we’ve figured out something that works but you know.

Lupe: I do..

Jam: With the whole going to meet up with our folks it’s just… is it too much to want them to just…  you get what I mean?

Lupe: Pretty sure, you want them to acknowledge you and not make a fiasco.You want to be able to connect with them properly as you and be treated like part of the family.

Jam: Yeah.  Don’t expect it to happen easy, as much as I’d want…

Lupe: I mean ideally it should be, but… it’s hard to say how it’ll go.

Jam: I’m happy right now, Lex is happy right now. We want them to see that. I know we were never great in school and we moved pretty far out but… I dunno.

Jam: Right now I just want them to see that I’m doing the best I’ve ever.

Jam: I want Dotty to get to know them, to visit them and all my family in the area during the holidays…

Lupe: It’s more than fair to want that.

Jam: Feels like it isn’t.

Lupe: I think it’ll take time before you can reach that point. You’ve spent so much time being treated like a stranger in your own home. If they can’t face up to it now that you’ve got the option to walk away, that’s something they’ll regret.

Jam: Don’t want it to resort to that..

Lupe: Doubt you will, but they know it can happen.

Lupe: People realize something a lot of the time when there’s been so much distance. You can lose the people in your life if you don’t work things out.

Jam: Yeah…

Jam: I got Lex, and Dotty, and a bunch of friends offering to keep their phones ready in case we gotta vent at night.

Jam: Got so many people who care about me…

Jam: Guess at this point Lex and I know that if things burn down over this, we got plenty of folks to bail us out of that fire.

Lupe: You do, me included.

Lupe: Didn’t know about the group but… you’re very welcome to add me anytime.

Jam: Really? I mean that’d be nice…

Jam: You sure about that though?

Lupe: Mmhmm. Easily. I may not always answer immediately but..

Jam: I mean I get it, you got plenty of work.

Lupe: I’ll still try to get back whenever I can. I’ve seen you come out of your shell so much since we first met, I know you’re going to make this work out. And I’m excited to work with Lex too, you two are lucky to have each other…

Jam: Really am. I know I can’t solve everything in one session and we both got plenty more to talk about but.

Jam: I think by the time the visit happens, we’ll be ready.

Lupe: You will.