Crankshaft Memory [Crankshaft Rafflesian Rework}

[ThreadLurkingComorant]

Pharmacy Arc- Day One
CW: Unreality, Existentialism, Mental Heath, references to self harm.

 Last night went seemingly perfect for you. A date without a hitch, plenty of sappy exchanges, and you have today off from work to sleep off your hubris.

With that all said, a cruel reality sinks in on you.

Your medication ran out.

You can’t really blame the pharmacy too much, with recent events the climate around the island has drastically shifted some. Traffic from overseas is increasing toward the more tourist friendly locales, the increasing number of local pests, delays in delivery and production due to a heavy pushing of commercialized AI spaces, and this year being the coldest it’s been in a long time. You wouldn’t be surprised if it snowed at this point..

You managed to sneak in a few kisses and words before Dotty went out to handle her shift today, she managed to get a promotion so her hours are not quite as lined up with yours as much but you’ll manage.

Your mood may be a little volatile right now but you can hold out till you’re restocked.

Hopefully.

With that said it’s 12PM and you haven’t left your bed.

Your energy is shot and you feel a haze that blurs the line between reality and the unknown.

Am I real? Is anything real?

What happens when we die?

What happens before we exist?

Maybe I should go outside and get some fresh air…

But… I’m scared to?

Everything out there is going to feel fake.

You feel fake..

Is someone listening to your thoughts right now?

Maybe it’s best to sleep…
 

But everytime you try to sleep in like this you wake up even more tired and your gut hurts.

You should eat something, that might ground you…

Do we have food stocked up? Maybe…

You’re not that hungry…

What if you are being watched?

What if someone is recording your thoughts for the world to know?

Everyone secretly thinks you’re weird and disgusting.

Everyone thinks you’re a piece of filth and they’re staying quiet to mock you…

But there’s nobody around right now?

Fuck…

This shitty thought loop keeps adding more and more into itself until it’s all the noise you can hear..

Normally you can keep it at bay a little but without your meds it makes quick work of dogpiling you fast and hard.

You’re not going to get much done right now..

Just close your eyes, don’t let it take you…

Get your rest…

I’ve got you, you’re going to be okay…

You doze off into a deep sleep.

You feel a comforting voice ease you in…

Comforting? Aww…

Jam?

The one and only.

Thank god you’re here..

Don’t think any god would’ve sent me. Kind of a devil that lives in your head.

I guess when you put it that way…

I’d be considered a bit of a blasphemy for some you know? Make a ghost out of your manic depression, become best friends with it… smooch them from time to time.

Look.

I’m not complaining. Anyway, sorry for leaving you hanging, whatever funk you got going on is hitting me too…

Sorry, I couldn’t get my meds…

It’s no biggie, happens. How are you holding up right now?

Managing. Barely.

Yeah, I can tell.

Just feeling weak right now… kinda lost. Where are you?

Somewhere? Let me just uh… poke around. Keep talking to me.

Hate this.

Can’t blame you.

Hate my brain, hate waiting on meds, hate that I can’t just… work like normal.

I’ve got you, I’m here.

I guess I just… I dunno. Everything feels wrong right now. Skin feels like a glove ready to peel off, feel like I’m watching through someone else’s eyes.. Gotta sometimes just bite myself to know I’m really here.

You should really stop doing that..

I know but like.. I just get so scared you know? I gotta claw and bite until I know I’m feeling something. I gotta know I’m actually here and now and I’m not going to just vanish…

Shh…I got you.

Jam?

Yeah, I’m here.

Can you just..

I’m coming…

I can hear your footsteps?

Yeah, come here…

I… I think I lost track of which of us is who..

Yeah.. thoughts get a little meldy when this happens.

Just one moment..

There we go.

You’re immediately embraced by your friend. You feel a little more clarity.
 

Jam: There.. How do you feel now?

Lex: Little bit better.

Jam: I’ve got you. You know when that place is going to have our shit ready?

Lex: None, didn’t give me an estimate.

Jam: You know how that place works though yeah?

Lex: Mm… prepares stuff 3 times a day until it stops serving.

Jam: Exactly. Big points are 12, 3, and 6PM. Closes at 8.

Lex: Right.

Jam: You call in, press them a little bit about it and see if they can give you a time.

Lex: Mm..

Jam: Honestly if they got it later, you can call Dotty to pick it up on the way back.

Lex: I don’t wanna bug her like that..

Jam: Then I can go handle it.

Lex: You get slammed by symptoms worse.

Jam: It takes some time for me. Point is we get your meds one way or another.

Lex: Right..

Jam: For real, we kinda need that right now?

Lex: What if they don’t have it? I got work and a game tomorrow.

Jam: Then we figure something out. Dotty might be able to help too here.

Lex: Mm…

Jam: Thoughts?

Lex: Guess it does help having a bit more of a plan.

Jam: See? Bam, we got this. This help at all?

Lex: Honestly? A ton. Just having someone to ground me right now and having a plan… it means the world right now.

Jam: That’s what I’m here for.

Lex: I wanna sleep just a bit longer but.. Keep talking to me. That’s what I need the most right now.

Jam: Can do.

Lex: Thank you, really…

Jam: You can thank me properly when we get those meds.

Lex: The usual reward?

Jam: Gotta get me that pint of cookies and cream.

Lex: Don’t eat it all in one go this time.

Jam: Can’t promise that, but I’ll share if I do. Fair enough?

Lex: Fair.