>Second dimension machine broke
That's been broken for a long time! Fortunately, as a WIZARDLY BEING of the third or more dimensions, you are not personally affected and as such can safely put it off until it becomes urgent and potentially catastrophic.
>Gertrude
...is unfortunately on WIZARD VACATION, also known as TAKING A VACATION FROM THE WIZARD. She does a fantastic job of your taxes, but even familiars need time off.
>Neighbors
You don't have any! Your WIZARD TOWER is Just Too High Up. Your lawn gnomes ARE cursed, but that has nothing to do with it.
>Do our laundry
A fantastic idea! You shuffle through your WIZARD POCKETS, digging out some quarters. Yep, you got enough! Anything else to do before you head over to the LAUND-RO-MAT?
>Eat
When no one is looking, you eat one of the quarters. Iron is an important part of a balanced diet, as we all know. Or whatever quarters are made of.