SKINSTEALER SYNDROME

[skinstealer]

this comic is rated 18+ for CSA, SA, and child abuse as major topics- there also could be gore and body horror, so watch out!

rin’s been pondering how to do this for weeks now, but they’re not really doing too hot. gonna be a lot of changes around here, probably lots of switching. lots of people showing up and trying to make themselves known, sometimes for the first time. talking to people directly can be kind of intimidating though, you know? 

so i figure, maybe something like this could work. maybe getting this thing off the ground will help give us a platform to express ourselves and help people get to know us a little better. i mean, i know i’m excited for it.

let’s just do it.

my name’s ransom mortis, and i wasn’t exactly expecting to be the one to kick this off. 

the person in our system most responsible for...pretty much everything, is ringor mortis, rin for short. you probably know them by now.

rin works incredibly fucking hard and is the big reason why we’re able to have a safe life at all. they do pretty much all of the fronting, are the big brain behind our creative work, and function as a kind of public representative for the system.

but in the past week or so, they’ve been getting really sick, and they need time off. possibly a lot of time off.

one sec- let’s take a step back for a moment and talk about what the fuck a system is, what fronting even means, all that shit. 

we’re part of what’s called a DID system- that’s dissociative identity disorder. it used to be called MPD, multiple personality disorder, but that definition got changed up to be more accurate to what the condition actually entails. the overall gist is that it’s a coping mechanism that kicks in really early on in childhood when a child is exposed to unimaginable trauma...kind of grim. 

the brain compartmentalizes as a result of this, forming multiple identities to hold different things- be it memories, emotions, reactions, perspectives...a lot of different shit. 
i’m not a scientist or a psychologist or anything like that, so this definition probably isn’t the most accurate, but it’s the best summary i have that doesn’t involve a bunch of people arguing over the condition’s even legit or not. 

having multiple identities (or as we prefer to call it, individual people) in one body, one brain, is often referred to as being multiple. having DID isn’t the only way for people to be multiple, but it’s what lines up best with what we’ve got- a traumagenic system. as the word would imply, it means we came from bad shit, shit that warrants this comic being in the section it is and getting a giant content warning slapped all over it.

we can’t talk about our system candidly without bringing up the fucked up parts. i mean, technically we could- but it isn’t the full picture, and that’s something we want to do here. there’s a lot to cover and it probably won’t be covered in order or anything, just...as it comes up.

getting sidetracked. back to the system.

our system is called The Skinstealer System, and at the time of writing this post, we’ve got 48 people. (i’m not drawing them all at once here, because unlike some people in this brain, i’m not a masochist.) this makes us a pretty large system, but definitely not the largest- some people have hundreds of system members. 

48 is a pretty big number to manage and not everyone fronts- that’s the term for taking control of the body and being present in the physical world, versus flopping around internally. more on that in another entry.

every system functions differently, and has different ways of relating to each other- in our case, we consider ourselves one big family. not too much like blood relations really (there ARE some), but we all share a history and a life together, so it works. we also include our partner B. Comorant in that family label- you probably know him too. he loves us a hell of a lot and considering he lives with us now, you’re gonna see him in entries here too. 

so yeah, that’s a rough intro. feel free to leave comments, questions, whatever- we might even answer some as we get them. anything goes as long as you aren’t horny on main or whatever- just be respectful, got it?

[1011686]

What other ways are there for people to be multiple?

[ಠ_ಠ]

how yall doin

[Shifter55]

I know you explained this in chat, but it seems like it would be good material for here: What was your first exposure to media written by other systems?

[skinstealer]

it’s october 22nd, 2019, and i’m rex mortis with today’s entry. rin’s doing better, but we’re still taking it easier...i don’t mind helping out with project things, though. i like making lists, and we have more than enough of those to do.

we got some questions already, so i guess i’m going to cover those…

1011686 asks:
“What other ways are there for people to be multiple?”

we’re not experts on all the ways that people can be multiple, but we do know a few examples. i’ll do my best to recount a few that i have off the top of my head.

another way people can be multiple is median systems, which ironically enough is what we thought we were at first. if a DID/multiple system is a single body and brain with multiple identities, a median system is a single body and brain with multiple “facets”. one metaphor we used back in high school when we first started on our research binge was that a median system is like a jewel that shines a different color based on which side is reflecting light. rin’s first assumption was that other system members were simply alternate sides of them expressing themself, which is a pretty common median experience...but as it turns out, we’re definitely a lot more divided than that. 

some median systems can also be more “blended”, with people sharing experiences and memories readily...sorry that i’m not the biggest expert on this sort of thing, it’s been a while and there’s probably better people who could explain medianship easier.

something we’re more directly familiar with is the concept of tulpas and thoughtforms- making a system member on purpose. technically anybody can do this, but it’s not something to take lightly. a lot of tulpa communities can promote really harmful mindsets, including making them for specific purposes or goals...this can end up not only harming the tulpa in question but backfire on the person making them as well. they’re wonderful people and can help bring companionship, but you have to go in prepared. we’ve got two of these in our system, ragdoll and atut.

endogenic systems/system members are a hot topic but worth mentioning as well- system members/systems that form without trauma. this can be due to a lot of reasons, some say spiritual, others unexplained, but it’s a thing that can happen. a lot of people will tell you that such a thing is impossible, but we’re pretty open minded about it- after all, if the brain can compartmentalize into different people in the first place, what’s to stop it from doing all kinds of weird shit? we have a few endogenic members as well, namely ezekiel, sadie, lull, frequency, mesquite, and aysh. it is possible they’re from trauma and we just don’t realize it yet, however...what’s important is they’re here now, with us, and get the care and love they need.

loddite asks:
“how yall doin”

uhh, things are kind of hectic right now. rin’s doing a bit better after some good news, and has been able to do some more work on forum things. we let them have the day with como to see how well they’re holding up, and aside from needing a nap to fend off some brain weirdness, things are looking up.

there’s still a lot of work to do right now, though, and we’re still going to juggle the front around for a good while, if not try to figure out a more frequent (and permanent) switching schedule. 

shifter55 asks: 
“I know you explained this in chat, but it seems like it would be good material for here: What was your first exposure to media written by other systems?”
our first exposure to media written by other systems was actually our first proper proper introduction to systems in general, which is a pretty rare thing. most of the time in media see system shit directly taken on in, it’s portrayed as the system being dangerous, murderous even...but somehow, aside from stuff that leaned more on the metaphorical end, we managed to have our first exposure be encouraging. 

in freshman year of high school, we actually tackled on DID in our health class. it was completely out of left field, and mostly consisted of a talk show episode discussing a memoir made by a multiple system. from what we remember, it was wholly sympathetic, and the system in question (and his wife) was treated with respect. 

we immediately went to order the memoir from our school library and pored over it, reading it multiple times before returning it. we were transfixed. there was something about it that resonated in a way we’d never felt before, something that made us go back again and again to certain passages and chapters.

one thing we’ve talked about on discord that stuck with us from this book was the author talking about how his wife took care of one of his kid system members, reading them stories before bed and having genuine love for the whole system. 

we’d like to read that book again, someday.

lastly, i found this list of questions to ask system members to get to know them… i figure it can’t be too bad for us to take on some of these.

gonna skip whatever’s inapplicable though, or too private, or whatever. adding a few for flavor as well.

name? Rex Mortis. me and the rest of the “rin splits” (really need a better name for that) all have names starting in R. no idea why we decided to go with that. 

age? 23, i age with the body. technically i’ve had less than a year of my own life separated off as me, rex, from rin. age is weird.

pronouns? they/them, pretty strictly. no other pronouns, please.

orientation? uh…probably ace? definitely still gray-aromantic (como only, no items, final destination) and i honestly don’t even have relationships with other system members. the ace thing though, i dunno! rin’s gray ace and i definitely at least have that, but i honestly feel like i could just be full on ace at this point. who knows.

species? skinstealer, specifically one that looks like a weird...dog...boss monster. rin says i look like something out of bloodborne. we’ve never played bloodborne. i’m also probably dead?

[b[hobbies?[/b] if i spent more time out in the front, i’d probably read more. i also think science is pretty neat, and i actually like organizing things quite a bit. i like lists. a lot. aside from that, i mostly sit around in headspace and think. i’m not very exciting.

favorite color? purples and blues, mostly. gentle colors. super bright ones kind of make my head hurt, which is a weird change. that’s splitting for you.

favorite food? no ideas if my tastes changed since splitting, but i really like...burgers, i think. rin split a reeses cup with me earlier and that was pretty good too. i think i’m a chocolate person. 

did you go to school? unfortunately yes, though i have some pleasant memories of actually learning things. note taking was also pretty alright, i found it soothing in a sense...memorization, not so much. 

really is weird to pick out what’s “mine” from rin and i’s (and i guess ransom and remus as well) shared memories, though.

do you have a favorite memory? uh...probably when we met como for the first time in person, that’s at least up there quite a bit. bad circumstances to that one and we were an anxious wreck, but it was still a nice day spent with the person we care about most.

yeah, i’m gay, keep scrolling.

what is one thing you wish people understood about you? it’s kind of tricky, having come from one of the most active members (if not the most active) in the system and being pretty much solely internal now. i miss people, of course i do, but i also like having the time to think and process my own brain stuff, away from the stressors of the outer world...which there are a lot of. a whole lot of.

do you know other people in this system? yeah, i know pretty much everybody. i keep to myself, though.

what helps you when you are sad? uh...i guess i try to think about positive things, and remind myself that they’re here and real, just as real as the sad things. it’s really hard for me to ground myself, but that works best.

what helps you when you are angry? i’m not rrreally an angry person, aside from turning things inward...i don’t really know how to manage that, not yet.

what helps you when you feel shame? i can shrug shame off pretty well, actually? rin has trouble with it, so it’s kind of weird that i can deal with it okay. i don’t really feel shameful about my conditions, more just...anxious. more worried about how it makes me look than whether it makes me count as a bad person or whatever...does that count as shame, actually?

what helps you when you feel overwhelmed? when do i not feel overwhelmed, haha...even just writing this, i got an anxiety spike due to unrelated shit...i’m a very anxious person and am one of the few people in system who actually gets defined anxiety attacks. deep breathing helps, even if it feels a little silly.

what comforts you? cop out answer is our partner como, though at least half of the system would agree there. aside from that, finding music that can calm me down or aforementioned deep breathing helps a lot. i do have a lot of more...self destructive coping mechanisms that i’m working my way out of with time, but i don’t think those really qualify as comforts so much as things i have to get through.

[ಠ_ಠ]

thanks rex that was cool

new question (for anyone):
how do you sort out disagreements internally and in meatspace

[skinstealer]

october 24th
18 minutes past midnight
headspace is being weird. recording it for posterity

i can feel my body but nothing around me. i don’t think i’m in my room. i can’t feel zoray either. i try to look around and there’s nothing but void. i hope this isn’t the pocket dimension where it dissolves you alive, but the void isn’t white, it’s pitch black. 

i don’t seem to be being attacked, or hurt, but i’m scared. i don’t know why i’m here and i don’t know when i’ll get back, or what’s going to happen to me. part of me wants to switch out but what happens if i do? do i lose connection to everyone entirely? what if no one can save me?

what if i disappear?

what if i shatter into a million pieces and fade into dust, or come back as someone new, someone unrecognizable? what if i’ve finally snapped, and this isn’t going to get better? what if this is how i’m stuck, sick and broken until i merge into someone else or split until there’s nothing left?

it’s so quiet here. i miss ransom and rex, they’ve been keeping me company. i keep listening to the same song over and over and i don’t even know if i like it anymore, it’s something to hold onto and keep me grounded, desperately.

i bet zoray misses me.

i always end up home though, somehow. i hope it happens soon.

until then, i float.