ONE PLEASANT NIGHT IN PARIS FOR CHEAP

[Lucy]

YOU, DEAR READER, ARE IN PARIS. YOU CRAVE PLEASANTRIES BUT ARE A MEMBER OF THE PEASANTRIES AND THUS YOUR BUDGET IS APPROXIMATELY NIL.

ITS AT TIMES LIKE THESE ONE MUST KNOW WHO THEY ARE, SO WHO ARE YOU. WHAT ARE YOUR QUALIFICATIONS FOR STARRING IN AN ADVENTURE AS GRAND AS THIS. WHAT IS YOUR HISTORY. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, WHAT IS YOUR STAR SIGN.

>_

[skinstealer]

we are a capricorn, the least soft and mutable

[nonexistentPumpkin]

You are a Libra, the sign of balance. This is ironic because your balance is 0. Both in money and physically, you are quite the oaf.

[SHIVERS]

We are Pisces, aka:  Some Fish.

[RedGreenBlue]

We are an ARIES, immensely angry and with zero impulse control

[nonexistentPumpkin]

We are Pisces, aka:  Some Fish.

Point of order: Do you mean like "just some guy," or are we multiple fish posing as a single being?

[1011686]

Our history is being a concert rat handler.

[Pichi2214]

I support the idea of being some fish

[Lucy]

YOU? ARE CAPRICORN. YOUR HORNS ARE ONLY MATCHED BY YOUR HEART. IN BIGNESS, THAT IS. ALSO, YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE FISH TAIL. IT MAKES WALKING QUITE DIFFICULT. YOU SPENT ALL YOUR MONEY ON A WHEELCHAIR, IN WHICH YOU SIT. THIS YOU FEEL WAS A WISE INVESTMENT. HOWEVER, THE BANK BALANCE DISAGREES.
YOUR QUALIFICATIONS? ARE LIBRA, YOU ARE NOTABLY A QUALIFIED JUDGE AND HAVE BALANCE INGRAINED INTO THE VERY FIBER OF YOUR BEING. YOU HAVE NO ISSUES AT ALL DECIDING WHAT FUCKING FLAVOR OF ICE CREAM YOU WANT ALREADY GOOD GOD ITS BEEN 5 HOURS AT THE LOCAL ICE CREAM PARLOR.
YOUR HISTORY? IS THAT OF A FISH. CAPRICORN YOU MAY BE BUT PISCES YOU WERE RAISED. IN THE OCEAN, OFF THE COAST OF NORMANDY, AMONG THE GARFIELDS. YOU HAVE FOND MEMORIES OF IT. YOUR VERY FIRST JOB WAS HANDLING STAGE RATS AT THE LOCAL THEATER. SLIPPERY BUGGERS. AND YOU'D KNOW A THING OR TWO ABOUT BEING SLIPPERY.
YOUR STARSIGN? AERIES. THIS HAS DONE NOTHING BUT BRING YOU SHAME AND MISFORTUNE, NO ONE LIKES AERIES. NO ONE. NOT MUTABLE NOR SOFT. WAY TOO ANGRY.

NOW THAT YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, WHAT WILL YOU DO TO ACQUIRE ONE PLEASANT NIGHT IN PARIS? WHAT IS THE FIRST STEP OF YOUR MASTER PLAN.

[Pichi2214]

I think our first action will be to get up and going ...and while doing that do our talent of libra honor and trip over the first small object on our path

[nonexistentPumpkin]

Do what anyone would do without a dime in Paris... befriend a bumbling novice chef.

[Lucy]

YOU IMMEDIATELY BOLT UPRIGHT AND STAND UP OUT OF YOUR WHEELCHAIR. BUT ALAS, YOUR FISHY HINDQUARTERS RENDER YOU UNABLE TO DO AS SUCH AND AS THOUGH YOU WERE SOME KIND OF SEA CREATURE DIVORCED FROM THE LIQUID FROM WHENCE YOU BELONG. YOU FACEPLANT, AND BRUISE YOUR FACE PERFECTLY EVENLY ACROSS THE BOARD.
WHILST LYING UPON THE COLD HARD REALITY OF A COBBLESTONE ROAD YOU HAPPEN UPON A WITNESS, ITS A CHEF, A YOUNG ONE TOO, JOGGING TOWARDS YOU AS THOUGH TO OFFER YOU AID IN YOUR WEAKEST OF MOMENTS. A PLEASANT GESTURE ONE MIGHT THINK, IF NOT FOR THE FACT THAT THEY TOO ARE A COLOSSAL DUMBASS AND TRIP ON THE SWEET NOTHING AT THEIR FEET LIKE THE MOST CLUMSY OF GIRAFFES AND LAND FACE FIRST IN THE PAVEMENT NEXT TO YOU.

IT APPEARS AS THOUGH YOU HAVE MADE AN ACQUAINTANCE OF SHARED CIRCUMSTANCE, HOW WILL YOU PROCEED.

[King-Clod]

See if you have a common interest. Slippery stage rats, perhaps? Maybe this bumbling chef is a fan of rats.

[Bug]

>BEGIN CONVERSATION

"You uh, visit this patch of the pavement often? It's my first time here, so..."

[cosmo]

don't forget to smile charmingly!

[ಠ_ಠ]

get a ticket to euro disney

[RedGreenBlue]

Accept your new home on the pavement