Crankshaft Memory [Crankshaft Rafflesian Rework}

[ThreadLurkingComorant]

 Lex: So.. where to start.

Lupe: Anywhere is fine.

Lex: That’s the thing, haven’t done this in so long… I got so much to say and like… don’t feel I’ll ever have enough time to get through it.

Lex: It’s so much…

Lex: Even though I’m still pretty early in all this like…

Lex: I feel like I can’t even imagine the next few years. I dunno.

Lupe: Why not start with where you’re at right now.

Lex: Mm…

Lex: Okay uh…

You take a moment to put together your thoughts. You look over at your doctor.

Lupe: No need to rush, take your time.

Lex: Right.

Lex: I’m Lex León, 24 turning 25 soonish. I’m living with my girlfriend in a cozy little place we managed to get our hands on less than a year ago.

Lex: Share a body with my proxy and one of my best friends. We’ve both been making an effort to each have time out and I think it’s been going pretty good so far.

Lex: Honestly really proud of Jam, they get exhausted from having to take over but they’ve managed to get a lot done while I was gone.

Lex: I’m a bit competitive sometimes, love playing games and sports and been sparring as a hobby since I was a kid.

Lex: Honestly like… I dunno. Part of me wants to go pro with the dueling thing one day but… we’ll see.

Lex: I’ve got some kind of brain stuff going on. Really trippy schizoaffective things, sleep problems, depression but… I think I’ve been better lately. Not perfect but I dunno… I’m proud of myself for taking better care.

Lupe: You should be.

Lex: Like… I guess I owe a lot to Dotty and Jam for that. All my friends really.

Lex: Having folks help me keep on top of things is like… I dunno. I want to do good, you know? I wanna be my best self for them.

Lex: All those little late night outings and meeting people after I left my home town and all that… they were amazing.

Lupe: Are you far from your folks?

Lex: Little bit. Live on the other side of the region, little nothing town on the outskirts of the Capital. All you can see in the distance is the skyline, the old cemetery, and endless metal rigs.

Lex: Honestly got a bit of nostalgia but kinda hated it too.

Lex: Last thing I wanted to do is die in the middle of nowhere. Place looks like it’s always stuck 20 years behind.

Lex: There were plenty of cool things, spent a ton of time at the local gaming shop. Had a bit of everything, helped me sort of uh… What’s the phrase? Come out of my shell?

Lupe: Mm. Did you have a lot of friends?

Lex: Honestly? Not really. Everyone I did know kinda just moved after graduating so I did what I could too.

Lex: Like… I dunno. Nothing going through grade school really prepares you for what’s up next.

Lex: You become a adult, you get a bunch of responsibilities and you go to jail if you do something stupid as soon as you reach 18 but like…

Lex: Those first few years after are really where a lot of growing up starts to matter. You still got plenty left.

Lex: It never stops I don’t think… I’m okay with that though.

Lex: Went through a lot of hard stuff but… I’m really happy with what I’ve got now. Life means a lot to me these days.

Lex: Gone on all sorts of adventures, gotten in trouble, found a bunch of people who I want to be around.

Lex: Still got a lot of goals left and I’m gonna do everything I can to reach them but like…

Lex: I dunno, it’s corny when I saw it like that..

Lupe: I don’t think it is at all. You did what you needed for yourself, and the fact that you’re here proves you’re taking it seriously. Don’t ever downplay it.

Lex: I’ll try not to. I guess like… I dunno. With me, Jam, and Dotty all going out to see my family this month and all I’m a little nervous. I got all this catching up, so many stories to tell… same time I don’t want to end up being a disappointment either. Was never good at school, never ended up a doctor or a scientist or whatever… I dunno.

Lex: I’m in a spot where things are good for me, and I think they’re only going to get better.

Lex: But I’m afraid it’s not enough sometimes.

Lupe: Not like they can do anything about it. If they take issue, that’s on them.

Lupe: You live across the region in a place they have no say over. You are your own person, if they can’t accept that? That’s on them. They’re the ones who chose to miss out on having you in their lives.

Lex: I don’t think they’d want to cut me off like that but… I don’t want to be seen as a fuck up, you know? I dunno.

Lex: Maybe I shouldn’t put so much weight on what my parents think, maybe I’m catastrophizing or whatever but like..

Lex: It’d be really nice if they noticed how much happier I am.

Lupe: If they care they will.

Lupe: Don’t have much reference about you specifically but… Jam says enough.

Lex: Jam talks about me?

Lupe: Plenty. Can’t give too many details for obvious legal and confidentiality reasons but…

Lupe: You’re lucky to have someone like them in your life.

Lex: I really am..

You pause to linger on your thoughts for a bit, until the room is still.

Lupe: Is everything alright?

Lex: Just… good to get this out and all. I try to talk to other people about it as much as possible but like…

Lex: It’s nice. Like, I dunno.

Lex: I’m a little bad with words so I hope it makes sense.

Lupe: You’re fine.

Lupe: Can appreciate working with someone who already has an idea of what they want, and I’m looking forward to continuing to work with you in the future.

Lex: Feels like I dumped a lot for a first real session.

Lupe: I don’t think so, gave me a fantastic amount to gauge and makes it easier for us to work on anything you want to bring up in the future.

Lupe: I can tell you’re really serious about this, and I think it’s good that you’re already pretty in touch with your feelings like that.

Lex: Try to be. It took time to get there but… you know.

Lupe: It’s good. Hmm…

She pauses to take a look at the clock.

Lupe: Unfortunately your session is almost over for now though, Jam’s is right after.

Lex: Ah! Sorry…

Lupe: No worries, you’re fine.

Lupe: Is there anything else you want to talk about quick? You still got some time left.

Lex: Think I want to just let it sit a bit I think. Want to cool off a little, Jam will be here soon anyway.

Lupe: Mm, you do what you need to.

Lex: You sure? Like…

Lupe: I’m sure. Need to make sure to put together my notes anyway.

Lupe: Do want to have a brief talk with you after Jam’s session on a side note, is that alright? Just scheduling and figuring out a plan for down the line and all.

Lupe: I do want to hear more about your family life a bit next time, feels like something you’ve had on your mind a lot.

Lex: Yeaaaaah… Didn’t come the most prepared this time but I think I got a lot to say about my folks.

Lupe: Homework for next visit. That okay?

Lex: Yeah, sounds good.

Lex: Next time…